At break yesterday I was reading one of those trashy women's magazines that seem to make their way from the waiting room to the staff lunch room when their purpose has expired. In this one was the advice column from one of those "so-called relationship experts."
In her column, a writer was asking what it meant by her husband continually looking at other women. The reason this rings so true with me is because it is something that my husband and I continually discuss. Having said that, I also recognize that we are probably the kind of couple that would drive a "relationship expert" over the brink!
To her credit, the expert pointed out that we are humans, with an instinctive curiosity about others. Personally, I like to see it as a healthy dose of voyeurism! LOL However, the expert goes on to talk about her own past relationship with a man she referred to as "The Ogler." OK, lost me there - can you say "agenda."
The issue for me is more about the exclusion of the partner in the natural habit. Seriously, I am here on a website designed to help women like me improve their appearance ... which means improving how I look to others, in addition to all the personal reasons. Maybe I am the strange one for hoping that I am one of those women that does attract a man's attention. I certainly invest enough effort into it and it would be disappointing to discover it was all a figment of my over-active imagination.
But at the same time, I also can appreciate why my significant other likes to look at other women - heck, I like to look at other women! Does this looking suggest he is seeking a replacement for me? I doubt it ... but that is mostly because we don't misinterpret each others' "people watching." The key, in my definitely-no-expert opinion, is communication. The woman asking the question obviously has some jealousy issues, or feels threatened by his noticing of other women ... which to me indicates deeper problems in the relationship than just noticing a "hot babe" at the next table. It seems they are just not able to express a part of themselves in a marriage that needs to be nurtured more than one's ability to balance a chequebook or mow the lawn.
The emotional passion and desires need to be in bigger focus than anything else. I don't know about you, but it's not the material things that fuel my relationship with my husband ... it's knowing who he is, his desires, lusts, passions, ambitions, dreams and fantasies that make up a core part of it. If I know and am in tune with all that, then we sail through the moments of economic recession, mortgage re-negotiations, bills, etc.
Then, of course, we are able to relish those more "sexually charged" moments when his (and my) gaze is turned to a stunning set of legs in a short skirt. I say that because, truly, we both appreciate that. I know him well enough to say he would never be distracted by a set of tight buns or rock-hard abs on a fit guy at the beach.
The expert says that this woman "must not tolerate" her husband's ogling any longer - clearly suggesting something akin to showdown at the OK Corral. Like that will turn out positive.
Do I have an answer? Not really, it was just something that my coworkers and I got a little giddy about ...
Oops! I have to run. Have to get myself all dressed up for work in case that hot guy from the courier company shows up!
Andee
xoxo
2 comments:
very well said. If the woman i was with was so inssecure that she would not tolerate me looking at an attractive woman I would have to break up with her. life is too short for that kind of childisness. great post and you look pretty hot in your canada hoickey jersey.... see I looked
My wife is ok with me checking out women, because often times she starts it. It's fun and healthy and not always sexual. I wish those magazines actually had experts who made sense, I'm still looking for a tip that actually works!
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