Looking For The Emotional Connection

There’s a small part of me that is amazed at how some people can just get down to business for the sake of getting down to business. Perhaps it is my sexual history, and that I have always been in a somewhat monogamous situation since I was 15. Or maybe it’s just because I have a slightly romantic outlook on sex.

When it comes to intercourse, one of the most important factors for me is having an emotional connection. I think that is why I haven’t always been the greatest participant our “swinging experiment.” I just couldn’t get into the idea of separating the act from the feelings – and I don’t mean the physical sensations.

Defining what “emotional connection” means seems to be one of the biggest challenges in the ongoing debate between Mars and Venus. Men use sex to create deeper emotional connections with their partners, while women need to feel that connection in order to be sexually involved. Naturally, take these as slight generalizations, but they seem to be a fairly common perspective.

For me, the emotional connection isn’t this great epiphany … in fact, it means more about whether or not I like the person that is becoming involved in my sexual experience. Do I like them as a person? Do I find them to be someone who I could be friends with beyond the bed? Do understand their perspective on the same kind of values I hold outside of sex? Are they only motivated to get into my panties, or would they give me the time of day knowing that may never happen?

In other words, do they see me as only a receptacle for their erection, or do they actually give a shit about me as a person?

An emotional connection doesn’t have to be about love, romance and red roses. And it isn’t to be confused with physical attraction. It just has to be something more than an animalist, no-name fuck in a bathroom stall after a few drinks at a nightclub.

Is some of it tied to my upbringing and strong Catholic morals? Probably … and there’s likely a connection to the messages that society pushes onto us – women aren’t meant for “casual, meaningless sex.” Well, only if you want to be labeled in some unflattering way.

That said; one-night stands still leave me with many curious thoughts. I’ve never had one … never really had a great opportunity to fulfill one; well, not that I’m ready to admit too. But I am fascinated at how some people I know have found themselves in these moments and have no regrets over them. Seemingly there is a whole realm of psychology behind how this can be; and I have no doubt the same shrinks would have a field day with some of my sexual desires.

For me there is a very naughty appeal to the fantasy of “stranger sex.” It’s another leading fantasy many women have; where they encounter a handsome stranger and share an incredible moment of life-changing intimacy. But the fantasy isn’t about meeting a mysterious stranger; the fantasy is about a desire for newness and discovery. It’s about letting go of the safety net and falling into a situation within our minds where we are still very much in control of the outcome.

And I think that is where I frustrate my husband sometimes … especially when it comes to the idea of exploring more in the swinging lifestyle. As exciting as the idea of it is, I lean much more to the voyeuristic side of the lifestyle and can’t see myself going along for some random meeting where we all know the true objective.

I guess I’m still trying to discover the whole “sex for the sake of sex” ideal, rather than a moment of intimacy with both a mental and physical reward.

Andee     xoxo