June 25, 2012

Relationships | Giving In Just Because ...

This past weekend, I spent some time away with my family doing some of the Mom things that being a Mom brings. Of course, it was also the time to connect with some people that we socialize with on a different level – and enjoy different conversations ripe with smirks and knowing looks between my husband and I when other people say things that make us think “if they only knew.”

Our favourite was when one of the other Moms was talking about this couple they knew and how this couple had attended a “swingers club” in our particular city. Naturally, my husband enjoyed that … “In our town? Really? How kinky…”

Uh huh … just bite your tongue honey. And then get the names.

I often wonder if when they are talking about things like that, if they are throwing the idea out there and waiting to see who appears shocked and who appears intrigued. And then I also listen intently to try to determine who much information they actually know about what swingers clubs are really like. Most people have a very na├»ve understanding of them; believing that they are true Sodom and Gomorrahs – with a wall to wall orgy taking place.

If that was the case, I know we would be there every damn weekend! And, it’s not like I can ever really correct them and explain that clubs just aren’t allowed to be these wild, sexual parties and maintain their liquor licence in Ontario … and that most people don’t play that way either.

In the end, it didn’t really matter other than for amusement, because they weren’t really our type anyway.

One of the other topics that came up – as we were all sitting in the hotel hallway enjoying a few/several adult drinks as our kids slept in the rooms – was about moments when you are just not in the mood: such as trying to get busy in the hotel room while away for these kind of weekends. Kind of an odd polar opposite to the more intriguing conversation about swingers clubs, but nonetheless, always amusing to hear other women complain about having to “give it up just because we’re away for the weekend.”

And from that spun the broader conversation of being accommodating and having sex when you don't really want to … definitely not a fit with the swinging conversation that started this whole debate!

Personally, in a healthy relationship compromise isn’t just about who vacuums and who feeds the cats. It involves an awful lot of give and take on many levels; from family vacations, career aspirations and, every now and then, sex. You have to expect that when you share your life and space with someone, both of you are not going to always be on the same sexual clock.

While I can’t provide an exact moment of when I gave in for sex just for the sake of having him leave me alone, I am sure there have been times when my libido wasn’t exactly peeking. That is a natural thing, though. As much as I enjoy – and invite you all in to read, see and learn – my sex life, it’s not a constant state of mind. Like everyone else, I get bogged down with work, family life, social demands and things in general. All of which occasionally conspire to cool it down in the bedroom.

But, I know I’m not someone who complains about being the object of his desire – and maybe that is more from where the complaints were coming from in this conversation; that the sex was selfish and one-sided. If that’s the case, then there is something much deeper at the root of your sexual problems as a couple.

As for me this weekend, I just told my husband to be quiet and then bit my lip through most of it. But since I was the one who stuck my hand into his pajamas, I can’t say I wasn’t really looking to give it up just because he wanted it … and I can tell he wasn’t complaining either.
Andee     xoxo

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