November 19, 2010

Thoughts On Flirtation For A Commuter

I hope your plans for the weekend are going well. Mine are; we have a party we're heading to tonight, and - being good Canadian parents - tons of hockey! But not before one more day of work, and one more train ride into the city ... hopefully casual Friday will bring some delightful distraction in the office.

And, while we’re on the topic of delightful distraction ... I dug this little trashy bit up from one of my magazines. Appropriate reading in preparation for any place where some temptuous flirtation may occur ...

Learn the Art of Eye Contact
Don’t shy away from staring them down, but do it the right way. Ease into it by practicing triangular gazing, where you look at one eye, then the other, then at their mouth. Our flirting expert says practicing this for just a day will get you ready to start learning to interact with the people you’re attracted to.

Once you’ve locked eyes, keep looking: one study showed that it takes about 13 glances before the average guy approaches a woman!

MY TAKE – hmmm, isn’t 13 an unlucky number? Try me a bit sooner, or risk watching my flirt shamelessly with your wingman. But then, I have been accused more than several times of being a complete flirt.

Practice Small Talk
Before you approach someone you’re into, make sure you’ve got the basics of small talk down. "Challenge yourself to go out and make small talk with five strangers today," advises one flirting expert. "Don’t worry about whether they’re people you want to date. Approach grandmothers, other men, someone who’s not your type, whomever you come across. It’ll help you adjust to stepping out of your comfort zone."

MY TAKE – it doesn’t have to be ‘flirting’ just to communicate with people around you. All I see is people texting, e-mailing and cellphone chatting … come on; engage me in the old-fashioned way of talking.

Perfect Your Body Language
Want to get under her skin? "Get just a centimeter into a girl’s comfort zone, and look up at her with big eyes," says our flirting coach. The no-fail move? "Put your chest out, chin down, eyes high in the socket, head slightly tilted, and your weight on one foot. That’s important. If your feet are planted, they feel the resistance, just as much as they would if you had your arms crossed."

If a person positions his or her body at a ninety-degree angle from you when being face- to-face is just as easy, that doesn’t bode well, says the coach.

MY TAKE – there is a fine line in crossing into that comfort zone, so it takes a little experimentation with someone you are already comfortable with. And your body language is key. I’m not looking for a guy who comes across as a Roman gladiator (well, not until dress-up day), but rather a guy that is close enough to suggest tension and allows me to smell his cologne.

Nag Her
The trick when you’re flirting, the flirting coach says, is "figuring how to keep a balance between being engaging enough to retain someone’s attention and not seeming overly available." Tease her a little and call her out by saying something like, "Oh sure you do..."

MY TAKE - I have a very healthy competitive streak and engaging me in this kind of way usually draws me deeper into the conversation!

Don't Think Before You Speak
Don’t think too long before you open your mouth - it'll come off unnatural and awkward. "People sense it when something sounds too pre-meditated; that makes them uncomfortable," our flirting coach says.

MY TAKE - pick-up lines are tired, overused and tacky ... try something non-sexual; compliment an accessory or my shoes before moving into the stumbling, show-you-the-exit "You're Hot!!!" lines.

So, how about day to day, you might ask? Eyeing the cutie on your morning commute? Strike up a conversation with these pointers I "borrowed" for flirting on public transportation.
  • Choose your seat wisely. It's a lot more natural to get close, conversationally, if you're not three rows back. But don't feel too self-conscious about making a strategic seat-change either. Chances are, they are never going to notice — and if they do, they might just be checking you out, too.
  • If a girl's reading something, ask her about it. But don't just say, "Do you like that book?" Because then you're at risk of getting a one-word answer. Ask something more open-ended, like: "I'm sorry to interrupt you, but you seem to be enjoying that book. May I ask what it's about?" If she has a newspaper or magazine, you might want to ask if there are any must-read articles in it.
  • Remember that the two of you have at least one thing in common: You're traveling along the same route. So you could ask a question about how many stops the train will make before yours, how long it might take to get there, or which station is closest to your final destination.
  • Keep this thought in your head all the time: I'm never going to see this person again if I don't talk to him now ... so what do I have to lose?
Now, since I have a long winter of commuting planned, anyone want to share some thoughts or tips with me? LOL


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