TMI Tuesday | Keeping Count

For some people, I think keeping score when it comes to sexual partners is something that they thrive on. And in the battle of the sexes, it can be a double standard. Men with a lot of partners are often held up as "studs" while women with a high number are viewed as "sluts."

As I blogged back in April 2012, sex is just a number. And shortly after conducting a poll to see if you guys could guess my own personal number, I followed up with another blog entry spilling the beans. Luckily most of you did your homework and passed the quiz!

Regardless, the one thing about me, is that I am a very inquisitive person and have no problems sharing my own sexual experiences with you for another deliciously sexy TMI Tuesday. Thank you to blogger sweetendirty.wordpress.com for this week’s questions:

1. Do you/have you ever kept track of the number or people you have been with?
Yes, but it's not a very complicated mathematical equation; I can count that high without taking my shoes and socks off. My reality is I met the man who would become my husband when I was 16, so for a very long time, I have been in an exclusive relationship. Having said that, previous experience and post-marriage playtime have allowed me to own a small track record. From a sense that sex might include more than just traditional intercourse, my number is a simple 6. That includes four different men and two women.

That said, my adventure is still moving ahead and I would be lying if I didn't say that I see that number going a little higher if all things come together as my fantasies become realities.

But something that makes things a bit more intriguing is this online calculator called The Sex Degrees of Separation that can tell you how many indirect sexual partners you have had. My number came in at 6,567,729! And I didn't include the two women with whom I've had sexual fun with!

2. To get specific, How many people have you:
    a) slept with (intercourse)
    b) kissed (in a romantic way, obviously)
    c) given oral to
    d) received oral from, etc.
a) traditional intercourse: three men have slipped their nice hard cocks into me, plus one woman where things got really delightfully kinky and hot; b) several of both sexes to be honest; c) three men, two women have allowed me to pleasure them with my mouth; d) four men, two women have returned the pleasure to me.

3. What is the most amount of people you have been with at one time? (twosome, threesome, foursome, etc)
I've shared the experience a few times in the past, but during a time when my husband and I were exploring a little with the swingers lifestyle, we had a few foursomes with another married couple. For the most part, these experiences involved a lot of shared oral sex, playful fingering and hot kissing.

4. Have you ever had multiple partners in the same day, just different times? (One person in the morning, another at lunch, and one at dinner, etc)
This is where things get more interesting, because it has been something I have enjoyed ...

BONUS: Describe your best multiple person encounter, either something that actually happened or one that you would want to happen. Or both.
My regular followers know that this is the time I shared with my friend from work, which in a way could be considered a bit of a threesome experience, but not exactly the Eiffel Tower situation I lust for. You can read about the whole experience in my blog Sex | Turning Fantasy Into Reality, but to hit the highlights:

As my friend came into the little hallway of the hotel room, he gave me the once over, and one of those looks that said he approved. I could tell he was as nervous, so I kissed him in an effort to try to calm him down a little. 

From there, I brought him into the main room to meet my husband, and enjoy a little small talk. While all of us were chatting, I was gently touching him, kissing him ... encouraging him to do the same to me. It felt incredible to have his hands on me ... even more so with the fact that my husband was just a few feet away, and approving of the whole experience. To have that kind of freedom in my mind to know this was really happening just added to my sexual excitement. My husband nestled into his little corner to sit back and enjoy the show, while my Office Guy and I finally got down to business. 

We laid down on the bed and made out for a couple minutes while he ran his hands over my body, eventually reaching down between my legs where he could feel how wet, turned on and ready I was for him. He had touched me there once before, during a little heated moment in his office last week - when I showed him I was wearing stockings to work ... but that touch was only through my panties. Well, we were at work! This time, my pussy was all his to explore. 

He then moved down between my thighs so he was in position to lick me and set to work with his mouth ... One of the things that truly sent me over the edge was during this sensational pussy-licking, I glanced over at where my husband was sitting and watching intently. He gave me a little wink and smile ... and from there I knew my fantasy was everything I wanted it to be. 

In no time, I was clutching at the sheets on the hotel bed, pushing against the headboard with my hands as I lay there on my back. The reality was unbelievable as I reached down between my stockinged legs and clutched at my friend's head. I think I may have muttered a few words between my moans as I surrendered to my desires. My Office Guy slid his long finger deep into me, stroking my g-spot as he continued with his amazingly talented tongue and proceeded to bring me to an incredible orgasm.

In my own mind, the number of sexual partners doesn't always equate to being a great lover. What matters is how you take each experience in stride and make that moment the best you have ever had. And keep the adventure going!

Andee     xoxo

Cat Calls and Other 'Manly' Antics

I brought this one up the other day with a couple of the women I work with, after hearing one of the local radio stations discussing the idea on their morning program. They had done a poll of female listeners for their thoughts on “cat calls” and I was curious as to what others had to say about it.

Now, for those who are not familiar with the term, a cat call is best described as a verbal/aural comment from a man directed to a woman whom he does not know. The stereotype is the woman walking past a construction site and all the guys whistling and calling out to her.

One of the male hosts asked their female co-host if such things still even existed – other than at places where you would expect bad behavior by boys, such as night clubs. She confirmed that it is very much an issue between the sexes, but noted how times have changed in the content being offered. Apparently, it’s no longer just the traditional whistle. The language of appreciation has been replaced with some of the most foul and graphic sexual descriptions a woman can imagine.

So no wonder the concept rarely works.

My one coworker laughed and commented that she gets the occasional comment on her walk to work from her parking spot – having to pass through a local park that isn’t always filled with the most upstanding citizens. She said she usually just laughs them off and added, “At my age I should be happy they notice.”

Interesting perspective…

I would have expected the majority of female listeners would have said different and that they find cat calls as degrading and sometimes frightening – as sexual harassment on the street can be more than a bit intimidating. But the radio station’s poll turned out to be exceptionally close, with a surprising percentage of women saying they didn’t mind the occasional cat call as long as it wasn’t a sexually-graphic statement.

Personally, I tend to agree with that: as long as the man is not being overly aggressive or describing in graphic detail what he would like to do once he had my skirt lifted, I think there can be some harmless banter among the sexes. Lord knows, there are enough women now who behave far more outrageously towards a nicely put-together guy. And we seem to have legislated and policied ourselves so far away from friendly banter that many of us no longer know how to relate to the opposite sex.

But at the same time, I also feel there isn’t a lot of respect between people anymore. Women, as much as men, need to share the blame when it comes to the overt sexualization of our society. We haven’t exactly embraced our equality fairly. There remain a lot of double standards – which serve to create a lot of confusion (not to mention ridiculous HR policies).

 … Huge debate over a woman’s right to feel safe on the street and not be sexualized by men for her choice of clothing, etc. can now begin amongst you and your classmates …

I had to really think about the last time I actually received a cat call; that I recognized as such. Some days I guess I am just obvious to the commentary, if it is directed my way. Anyway, I was walking on the Vegas strip – with my husband. We were both dressed up because we had been a celebrity cocktail party and were headed back the couple blocks to our own resort. I was wearing a nice summer dress that exposed a lot of shoulder but not an outrageous amount of leg, and a pair of high heels that I could actually walk in.

I don’t even remember exactly what was said by the guy in the passing car, but I do remember smiling and then kind of laughing because I thought if he really knew the truth, it would be a disappointment. And, I guess since I was with my husband at the time, I didn’t feel exceptionally threatened. Add to that, the sexually-charged atmosphere that is Las Vegas – and the fact we were headed back to our own room with a specific purpose in mind.

Yeah, it was a cat call but it didn’t exactly spoil my evening. I didn’t take offense to the idea of even being noticed and quickly identified as cat call-worthy on a somewhat busy street. In a way, I was kind of flattered.

At work I think it is more common for the men around me to make comments they perhaps didn’t carefully proofread in their minds before they opened their mouths. I’m not certain I consider these cat calls, because these are men I see daily and know a fair bit about who they are, their personal lives, etc. But it would still be hard to classify some of the comments as appropriate compliments.

To be honest, if I put the effort into dressing up and trying to look my best, it is usually a very intentional decision and I fully expect that someone will make a comment. I can almost predict who it will be and what they will say. But, because I am secure with my situation, I chalk that up to them not thinking about how their words will be interpreted.

However, I am also a big believer in sharing a respectful compliment when the occasion occurs. As a woman who tends to think a bit more openly about her sexual desire and attractiveness, it’s important to me to know that I can turn some heads when I’m trying to do just that.

I enjoy a compliment because it is a bit of an ego-boost; I enjoy those not-so-subtle glances because catching you looking is also a bit on an ego boost. And it in the right context, I appreciate the comments and even the occasion need to remind you that my eyes are about 12 inches higher than where you are looking.

Frankly, if I’m in the right situation wearing something I fully intended to use as attention-grabbing fodder, then I'd love for a handsome stranger to make a slightly amusing and innuendo-directed comment. But we can’t always plan for the fantasy to be realistic.

Andee     xoxo 

Relationships | Bring On The Romance

There was this one question I remember being asked by a married male friend some time ago. He is one of those guys that has the typical male “split personality.” You know, he likes to be seen as a manly-man in a large group of people, but when is one-on-one reveals a lot more of his personal vulnerability.

His point during our conversation was trying to gain some insight into how he could be more romantic.

I found his talk with me rather amusing, because when he and I are together the sexual innuendo and flirtation level is rather high – even when we are among our coworkers.

I asked him, “Do you flirt with your wife like you do with me?” He stared at me like I had just asked him to remove his liver and hand it to me. Without him even saying a word, I knew he already had a huge challenge in front of him.

But romance isn’t always about epic efforts like Hollywood would like us to believe. Mostly it is about the small acts of saying to your partner “You matter” on a consistent basis. And being seen as being more romantic is not an impossible feat. It just requires you to let go of all the preconceived notions you have around what being “a man” is, and what being a guy who gets laid an awful lot does.

There are a lot of cliché ways to be romantic: flowers, chocolates, poetry. And if that is where you need to go to get things rolling once again, then at least put some creative thought to it. I'd suggest staying away from the penis-shaped chocolate though.

DITCH THE 'MAN CARD'
First and foremost, you must be willing to ditch that ridiculous concept men seem to have about “the man card.” And here’s why – because we know there is no such thing and it’s just a bullshit aura of bravado to help you avoid being teased by the equally unlaid male friends hanging around your garage/mancave.

Gasoline and grease might be the kind of cologne that keeps your beer-swilling buddies coming around, but all that banter they bring with them about “the little woman” or “the wife” … or the not-even-getting-laid-on-your-birthday “the ball and chain,” won’t spread her thighs even with the help of an air-compressor. Machismo is better left to professional wrestlers and movie actors in bad action flicks.

If that is a true representation of who you are, then you might need to take a break from overhauling the old Ford before she kick starts the relationship dodge.

RETAIL RESEARCH
Your second challenge in being more romantic involves stepping way outside of your comfort zone and into the darkness of “retail.” It’s not about buying her gifts, chocolates and lingerie … it’s about being smart, unpredictable and spontaneous. Sixty-one per cent of women wish their partner was more spontaneous – and that costs you nothing.

It’s not about holding her purse while she’s in the change room; it’s about making sure she has taken the right things into the change room with her. She not only wants your approval, she also wants that look of lust to return to your eyes – without the rude grunting. If you want her hemline to be a bit less Victorian and a lot more Victoria’s Secret, you’ll need to sink yourself into some retail research that doesn’t involve cheesy animal print lingerie.

And don't forget, you need to give her a reason to dress up ... and mattress dancing isn't it.

I know it sounds daunting, and for some of you, probably grotesque … especially if you can’t let go of the “man card” just yet. Here’s a hint that should be easy wrap your horny little brain around: find the courage to ask that hot little number at work where she got that outfit you like. All you need to say is: “I like your outfit today, where did you get that?” or “My wife has been looking for a new outfit for the office, any advice on where I could take her?” Two things here – a nice professional compliment (given today’s HR policies) will make the woman feel good, plus it helps establish your reputation among the women at work as someone who notices their efforts to look good. Just keep it professional, hot shot.

USE DAD'S ADVICE
The third factor should be a no-brainer – remember the good advice that your father gave you. This isn’t the part about how to wire a trailer hitch or bump-start a stalled dirt bike. This is the part about being considerate, using your manners and treating every woman with respect. When you do that, you’ll quickly find your street-cred as a nice guy increased dramatically. Still think nice guys finish last? Nice guys don’t finish the race because they’re at home getting laid while all the “bad boys” have their wallets drained by some “dumb blonde” who hasn’t had to buy herself a drink in 12 years. She may act ditzy, but she knows the economics of the brass rail quite well.

Open doors, be polite, think about someone else first and compliment without coming across as creepy – yes, it takes practice. There isn’t enough genuine kindness in the world today and there is always room for another gentleman, regardless of the radical feminists would have you believe. We’re all a bunch of self-absorbed, self-centred, thoughtless gits when you get right down to it. We’ve forgotten how to relate to each because we spend most of our day staring at the thumbprint-smudged screen of our not-so-smartphone. Be different and show you have a human side.

BE THOUGHTFUL
My fourth tidbit is tied directly to the third in that you need to be doing the little things on a regular, but still slightly unpredictable, basis. Small surprises and gestures of thoughtfulness go a long way in earning you some serious romance cache, which can always be cashed in for a tumble on a Tuesday night.

Here are the expectations in most marriages: anniversary / birthday / Christmas / Valentines. You already know that. Whether you are meeting those expectations or not has already set the bar for your romantic value. Take them for what you will, but these are suggestions that have worked on me and nothing more:

• Thinking of you because it is Tuesday note
• Turning on my iPod to find new songs I mentioned I liked already uploaded
• A funny note on my steering wheel that made me laugh all the way to work
• A naughty note tucked inside my panties I had set out to wear the following day
• An incredibly romantic handwritten card on my pillow … just because
• Sticky notes on the bathroom mirror to tell me what he sees when he looks at me is sexy
• My favourite treat tucked inside my lunch bag
• A regular habit of flirting with me via texts and sexts 
• Taking me shopping to buy me clothes he wants to see me in 
• Kissing the back of my hand – damn right it’s cliché, but I will tell you this, he did on our first date and I have never forgotten. But not the old 16th Century bowing before a lady kind of kissing; just a simple unexpected kiss – and it was before we had locked lips for the first time.

You’ll notice more than half of these cost virtually nothing other than the time and thought my husband put into them. Romance comes from the imagination, not from the wallet. Any woman that tells you otherwise is best avoided, because she’s only digging for gold.

What does not qualify as romantic gestures in a traditional marriage are things such as:

• Taking out the garbage without being asked
• Putting the dirty dishes in the dishwasher
• Remembering to put the toilet seat down
• Grabbing my ass in public and suggesting it qualified as PDA
• Saying “Happy Birthday / Anniversary / Mother’s Day / Valentine’s Day” etc. on Facebook instead of getting me an actual, hand-signed card
• Giving me pet names that are associated with sports, cars or sex acts

LEARN TO FLIRT
My last piece of advice seems to me to be the most simple, but as I have learned from my male coworkers, is actually the hardest task: flirt with your wife.

You see, to me, it makes sense that you would want to have the kind of relationship with your partner where the sexual innuendo and flirtation can actually lead directly to the bedroom. But so many men struggle with maintaining this once they settle into a long-term commitment and I don’t know why. You have no problem flirting with the waitress at the strip club, but the woman you can actually land between the sheets causes your anxiety level to peak at Himalayan heights.

Your wife wants to feel like she isn’t just someone who shares your house and last name, she wants to feel like a woman that still is flirt-worthy after doing your laundry, feeding your offspring and living up to all the other expectations that society wants to put on a modern woman. She wants to be desired in an honest and expectation-free way. She knows what flirting is – she probably does it shamelessly at work because the men there actually find her to be fun and witty.

Just don’t use the innuendo to get her into bed, learn to use it to get her in the mindset that going to bed is actually her idea.

Do you have to be original all the time? Hell no … You only need to prove that you are thinking about us and showing a level of decency and kindness. And remember, romance isn't a one-time thing. Romance is a consistent state of mind.

Learning to be more romantic isn’t difficult. The challenging part is learning how to allow those qualities within you come out and allow yourself to let go of those preconceived notions of what it means to be “a man.” (Cue the Tim Allen trademark grunting.)

Andee     xoxo

TMI Tuesday | Navigating Sex

As much as I might like to consider myself in the midst of a sexual adventure, sometimes it can be a very delicate balance between desire and disaster. But, regardless of what you might consider an "adventure," we have all found ourselves in those situations where feelings can be complicated and our sexual connections just not ... connecting.

Some interesting questions for this week's TMI Tuesday.

Answer yes or no:

• I regret my first kiss
• I miss my first love
• I married my first love
• I loved someone that didn’t love me

Hmm … don’t know if I would say any of these are extremely accurate, with the exception of marriage. I believe I have married my true love, but I also believe that we are capable of loving on many different levels.

My first kiss was pretty much what every young teen girl goes through, with a boy who just happened to be the boy of the moment. I've kissed quite a few since then, and a few girls along the way too!

I certainly don't miss my first "love" ... but wish I knew better at the time and would have been a bit more cautious about giving my heart away.

Do you consider yourself monogamous or polyamorous or some other category which you will explain or define for us now?
Mostly monogamous. We have dabbled in the swinger’s lifestyle and managed to explore sexually with other people – but we have never taken it beyond some hot, steamy moments and oral sex. Are these the opening doors of things still to come? I can’t say because, although my interest in continuing to explore is extremely high, it can be complicated when you are a finicky as me. However, we definitely don’t qualify for the polyamory category and can’t admit that we are active swingers. I suppose the category that would define us best is “sexual adventurers.” We love to explore, we love to test the limits, but at the same time we are wimpy and love the sense of security of being married and mostly monogamous.

Your partner is in the mood for sex and you are tired – what do you do?
   a) Start snoring. There is no way I’m giving it up tonight.
   b) Trade. You give me a massage…and we will see…
   c) That would never happen!
The only answer that really fits is c). But the truth is I am more for negotiations for a rain cheque. I might be tired tonight, but how about we set the alarm for a few minutes earlier in the morning?

Does your partner mind if you masturbate, in bed, while they are there?
I would say, about 50% of the time when I masturbate my husband is right there, watching and sometimes helping. I'm one of those women, as I have said a number of times, that needs a little help achieving orgasm. So, with that reality, our sex life tends to involve a fair bit of manual manipulation.

On the other side, I would love it if he would include me in more of watching him do the same, but that seems to be something he keeps to himself a great deal.

Describe your typical sexual romp:
   a) You are playful and tame
   b) You have occasionally introduced a few things like outfits and toys
   c) You love trying new things and shocking your partner
A bit of b) and a healthy dose of c). We’re beyond the “occasional” part of sex toys and naughty outfits – mostly due to the little naughty hobby we have on the side and the fact that I have a substantial collection of battery-operated marital aids, but I don’t think that our sex romps are always about trying new things. Having said that, I always love new things when sex is involved!

BONUS: What was your best ever masturbation experience? Why was it the best? Describe.
Wow, that is is tough one to answer. There's been some crazy moments for me, but I think one that stands out as one of the best is the first time that I masturbated on webcam. Masturbation tends to be a hugely private thing for me, but in the early days of my sexual adventure I was discovering a lot about the Internet and the kinkiness it can add to your evenings.

It was something that I found very exhilarating and liberating - as I had never done anything like that in front of anyone but my husband. I remember spending most of the evening teasing and tormenting with the guy I was chatting with, and watching him reveal himself to me. I was getting hornier as the night went on, and as my husband was working, it felt even naughtier.

Andee     xoxo

Sex | Something You Haven't Done

Every now and then, when these kind of questions come up, I get the strangest thoughts in my head. I'm sure the intention behind this one is to detail some swinging-from-the-chandelier rendezvous, but despite the collection of explicit fantasies in the recesses of my mind, one answer immediately emerged.

What's the one fun thing you would like to do sexually that you haven't done yet?

As simple as it may sound, the one thing that sits in my mind as something that would be an absolute blast, and maybe not too out there when it comes to sex, is playing strip poker. I'm not much of a card player, but it's one of those things that I know a lot of people have done in their life and I think it would be something a little wild and crazy. Plus, it generally involves a healthy bit of exhibitionism and voyeurism ... and if you play it right, sexy naked men.

And for me, it would have to be a co-ed game, because that would be a great way to see where else some of the bets could go ... maybe an intriguing post-strip game of spin the bottle or truth or dare, all adult versions of course.

Naturally, I would wear lots of layers to the game ... or if I was feeling lucky, maybe I'd show up commando!

Andee     xoxo

Sex | Getting A Facial

A somewhat interesting discussion broke out the other day at lunch, around the idea of “spit vs. swallow” but really about “swallow vs. facial.” Naturally, I always enjoy these kinds of conversations as they not only cover off one of my most favourite topics – sex, but also I find I learn so much about the bizarre attitudes that some of my friends seem to have about certain intimate acts between consenting adults.

One of my friends strongly views the “facial” finish in oral sex as an insult; almost as if it comes across as a sexist and derogatory completion to an act she already has some serious issues with. Of course, she is also one who I would be willing to bet uses her mouth for anything but blowjobs.

As a woman who thoroughly enjoys taking a man into my mouth and driving him to the point of orgasm, I felt it was important to share some ideas on the topic; mostly because I see that kind of attitude as a barrier to greater sexual adventures. If you take offence to something that you are a willing participant in for 95% of the moment, then decide “OK, that’s it” just before the big finish, well … maybe you need to have some serious conversations in your relationship.

I’ll admit that it took me quite a long time to adjust to the idea of swallowing a man’s cum. I would find ways to take the intimacy in a different direction before I would have to confront my apprehension. And, to be fair, I didn’t get a lot of complaints anyway.

The lack of pressure from my partner to actually finish him off by swallowing enabled me to get comfortable in my own mind with the idea, and then when I had confronted my fears and overcame them, the pure delight and appreciation from my partner was a massive boost to my confidence – and willingness to repeat the act.

These days I find myself actually wanting to make him cum in my mouth and am perfectly content with pulling out my favourite vibrator afterwards and letting him watch as I bring myself to orgasm.

And there are times when I actually do want my guy to blow his load all over me. I find it an equally erotic moment to watch from such a close angle as he cums. The sensation of those hot spurts on my flesh, and the knowledge that I am the one who is making him cum, is an incredible turn-on. I suppose it is connected to the idea that I don’t see oral sex as a submissive act; in reality, women can hold an incredible amount of sexual power in with their mouth.

 

It doesn’t hurt that my partner repeatedly tells me that I am good at it.

On the other side of the debate, I also happen to think that for the most part, having a man cum on me instead of in me is a bit of a short-change for him. In my own sexual experience, I have learned that the majority of the men in my life want the “swallow.” The incredible sensation for him, combined with idea of “reward” is an amazing sexual experience. It’s kind of like eating a delicious cream-filled doughnut, without eating the cream; why bother?

I realize that there are many women who just can’t fathom the idea of cum in their mouth; and that’s a shame … understandable, but still a shame. Hopefully they are able to find ways to enhance the intimacy with their partners as opposed to using the “spit vs. swallow vs. facial” debate as a bone of contention in their sexual experience.

Andee     xoxo 

TMI Tuesday | Playing With Myself

So, today marks the start of another new 'journey' for me. I am now officially in my 40th year, which means I have an awful lot of ground to cover in the next 365 days so that I can hit my 40th birthday looking all that much more sexually confident, physically fit and smashingly glamourous.

And, that also means that I may actually have a bit of a renewed ambition when it comes to making certain desires, wants and fantasies come to life. Or at least writing all about them!

And now, on to all that information that you just can't get enough of every TMI Tuesday ...

1. My favorite place to masturbate is _____ ?
Yeah, not as kinky as you might believe, but my favourite place to masturbate is in my own bed. That way, when all is said an done and my heart is done racing from the sexual build-up and release, I love to curl up and fall asleep. Masturbating is an amazing way for me to relax before bedtime - and helps take my mind away from the stresses of the day.

2. Have you ever masturbated in public? What were the circumstances?
Not sure; my answer is a bit of a 'sort of.' I wrote about it before: it was a couple years ago and my husband and I were on our way home from one of those sex trade shows in the city. We were downtown and the traffic was crazy. I had already slipped off my panties back at the convention centre and figured since we were going to be sitting in the car for a bit that I would give my new sex toy a little test drive of it's own. I simply pulled up the hem of my skirt, positioned myself accordingly and let the brand new batteries take me to euphoria of a roadgasm - plus give my hubby and amazing tease and scene.

It was equally erotic as people were walking past on the sidewalks only a couple feet away from our vehicle. I remember that was one amazing orgasm ... the sensation of a new toy mixed with the excitement of being in a crowded space.

3. Do you like mutual masturbation? Why?
Yes and no, but for all really good reasons. I love it because there is something very erotic for me in watching and being there while someone is pleasuring themselves. And sharing that moment with someone has an erotic sense of vulnerability. It's opening yourself up to a very different sexual experience.

No, because it's rare that I can allow myself to wait it out. Mutual moments like that generally end up in full-out sex ... not that full-out sex is a bad thing; it just means an end to the masturbation portion of the evening. There are lots of occasions when masturbation becomes a conclusion for me, as well. I'm one of those women that does need a little extra help to reach orgasm.

4. When was the last time you masturbated?
I'm writing my answers on Monday night as we wait for the Leafs-Bruins hockey game to start ... I masturbated on Monday morning shortly after shooting some new photos for my website - 'cause a girl can get rather turned-on posing in new lingerie that a friend sent for her to wear; all that touching my breasts and playing with my pussy while my husband snaps photos. Yep, I think I might masturbate again tonight.

5. Have you ever masturbated on camera?
Yes ... for both recorded video and on webcam. I still make new recorded videos every now and then for purposes other than just adding a bit of kink to my sex life. I mean, why keep the fun all to myself, and since I have received a few requests along the way from guys who want to watch ...

6. Do you like to watch people masturbate?
Call me kinky, but I love watching another person pleasuring themselves. I have had the wonderful opportunity to watch a couple men do that in front of me in person - and good lord, it's a massive turn-on for me. I would love to have the same opportunity with another woman. I have watched on camera and amateur videos, but not while I was right there just a couple feet away as she brought herself to orgasm. Now that would be yummy ...

BONUS: Have you filmed yourself masturbating? Care to share that film via a link?
Take your pick ... follow the video button and you can find several different videos of me masturbating, and a couple in which someone else does all the work on me!

Andee     xoxo

Relationships | Having An Out In Swinging

On the weekend I was having a bit an abbreviated online chat with a guy who has been a fairly regular follower of mine on Twitter and here. We were discussing the idea of “swinging” and my personal experiences with the lifestyle.

For the record, I’m probably not the best resource for an in-depth expose on the matter; just someone who has floundered here and there with trying to discover if it is something that appeals to me. I think I have made it relatively clear that “swinging” has been one of those not-so-satisfying adventures for me. And it’s not even the idea – because my desire is there, without a doubt. But for some reason, experimenting with other couples has just never worked out for my husband and I.

Regardless … my friend’s one question was what advice would I offer to couples who were just getting into the experience?

I thought about this for a while, because I don’t want to be negative. My own challenges are not necessarily what other people may experience, and as I mentioned, we still have a very curious desire to explore should the right opportunity arise. I’m not one to make any judgment on the lifestyle – just sigh about how our efforts seem to get derailed.

Plus, there is so much that could be said about exploring with the idea of introducing new people into your relationship. You need to consider on what level, and just what, you are comfortable with.

And so, assuming you have done all the talking, fantasizing, talking and talking with each other as a couple – and have reached the mutual decision that “swinging” may be worth exploring together – the best advice I would give is to make sure you have an “out.” An “out” is a safe word or phrase that could be used by either one of you to put the brakes on a situation that you don’t feel comfortable in.

For example, ours was “Let’s go for ice cream.” A simple expression that we understood meant we needed to cool things down.

This allows you some comfort in knowing that you have control over what you feel is OK as things progress. As much as some people want to mislead you into thinking otherwise, the truth is, you won’t know for sure what you are willing and capable of doing until you are in the moment. You might think you’re alright with the idea of some guy treating your wife like an amusement park on the hotel bed, but emotions can be funny things.

The same for men. It’s not easy for a man to be completely “into the moment” while another man is right there beside him also trying to be completely “into the moment.” I know men, despite their brashest bravado, can struggle with an erection when there is another penis in the room. Some guys have that subconscious homophobia to deal with.

And what if that other guy doesn’t share your inopportune flaccidity? What if he’s rocking some serious steel, your wife is drooling over the prospect of riding a new cowboy and you’re still trying to coax out any reaction you can from south of the border. Now suddenly he has two female playmates that might be more intrigued by the idea of a feminine tag-team and you’re left walking down the hall to get some more ice for their post-coitus beverages. Or vice versa …

Women are definitely at an advantage in this, as our bodies aren’t as quick to reveal our apprehension and nervousness. But that is not to say we don’t feel the same way. Conversely, imagine how we might feel if you are the one sporting the bull mastiff as soon as she doffs her bra? We have our own insecurities too.

There is a lot that can be positive about exploring new aspects of sex and relationships, provided everyone involved shares an understanding. Whether it is a desire to bring new people into the bedroom, or as simply as introducing a sex toy to the Tuesday night routine, sex is meant to be a pleasurable experience for all.

Communication and respect for each other’s desires and insecurities will go a long way to turning those fantasies in wonderful adventures.

Andee     xoxo