TMI Tuesday | Sex Detective

Sometimes people can be a bit sneaky under the guise of curiosity. In a way, I'm not much different - but I would hope that pretty much anything could be an open discussion and there wasn't a need to hide.

However, now that I am a parent to a couple of teenage boys, I'm thinking there's probably some investigative techniques in my near future ... and not just on TMI Tuesday!

1) Did you ever find someone else’s stash of sex toys, lubes, etc.?
Other than finding my teenage brother's stash of Playboy magazines in the barn when I was about 12, no. He wasn't a very creative person when it came hiding places, choosing to stick them in an old case that was up on the loft about my father's work bench.

2) Did you ever search someone else’s computer to determine their porn habits? Were you ever the object of such a search?
I'd be lying if I said I hadn't poked around on my husband's computer to see what was going on, but I'm not exceptionally technologically savvy.

3) Did you ever investigate to see if two people were getting it on?
When I was a teenager, my parents adopted two of my teenage cousins and they moved in with us. The older cousin was a bit of a floozy and always had the lights off downstairs when her boyfriend would visit. I would sneak to the top of the stairs and wait for a few minutes before trying to bust them. I actually never did catch them doing anything other than making out - which is probably better for me and not being grossed out. The people you would love to catch or watch are never the ones you do.

4) Did you ever look for naughty pictures on someone else’s phone?
Not unless you count my husband ... and they were of me ...

5) Were you ever involved with an investigation (formal or informal) into whether someone was cheating on his/her lover?
No, although I've been on the receiving end of someone who thought it would be amusing to try to cause some shit in my own marriage. They took it upon themselves to send my husband some emails accusing me of some inappropriate behaviour with a friend. Of course, they had no clue as to what my private life is really like.

Bonus: Do you have a secret online identity so that you can find a secret lover?
Good lord, no. I have a hard enough time keeping up with the 'secret life' I already have going with me as 'Andee' let alone a dating persona.

Andee     xoxo

Relationships | It's Not About 'Ownership'

Some days I really should learn to stay away from some of the nonsense that passes as “advice and insight” in those trashy women’s magazines and relationship websites. They used to be a fun source of humour and fodder for lunchtime debates, but lately they have proven to be nothing more than ridiculous perspectives that are going to screw up reality for a lot of younger women should they chose to believe what these bitter and jaded writers put out there.

Now, I recognize that not everyone looks at the world like I do; just as I don’t share a lot of other people’s perspectives – especially on relationships and sexuality. And I have to learn to accept that the path that has brought me to where I am in life is also not one that has been walked by many.

The article I read last week that got my blood pressure rising was a “modern woman’s” position about fidelity and fantasy. The female author was writing about how she believes it is completely wrong for people in committed relationships to have fantasies that involve other people. Her position was that “your man” could be cheating on you in his own mind; that his fantasies were taking him out of the marriage.

What?

And she went on to explain her belief that in order for a woman to own a man sexually, he shouldn’t be thinking about other women … period.

Good lord!

I have a hard time understanding how some modern women view their feminist right as one of possession – particularly when it comes to men. Their attitude reminds of those stereotypical black wives from bad 1990s sitcoms and the “Oh no, you di' unt…” finger-wagging, head-bobbing routine.

“I think however that private fantasizing is also a sure-fire way for couples to become disengaged and disconnected during sex. It also does not encourage dialogue between couples about the things with which they are unhappy,” the author writes in her article.

How are having sexual fantasies an indication that we are unhappy as people?

“What right-thinking woman (unless she’s kinky to the bone) wants her husband to be thinking about another woman when he’s making love to her? Yes, I am aware that different folks have different strokes but for those of us interested in the concept of sexual-exclusivity, why should this not also be extended to the thought-life? As my girlfriends have said, the first step to fully owning a man sexually is owning his mind and if it’s filled with thoughts of other women, how much of him do we really have?”

Are these the very same girlfriends who sit around bitching about how useless their husbands are; or how the “word according to the gospel of Oprah” says another wedge of cheesecake won’t hurt?

Is monogamy really about completely “owning” the other person sexually?

I guess I am one of the “kinky to the bone” women she is scoffing about. In our bedroom, our fantasies about other people are a widely accepted – and openly discussed – topic. I can tell you about a number of the women my husband works with on a daily basis that he would love to invite into our sex life – hell, I’d even be happy just to sit back and watch. He’s already done that much for me by allowing one of my biggest fantasies to become a reality.

Maybe I am missing something in my role as a sexual woman to truly understand how his sexual fantasies are damaging our long-term relationship? Never mind our 23-year history as a couple while we have seen less open-minded couples have their marriages implode.

Several studies have shown how having fantasies is actually healthy for the mind and people who fantasize frequently have more fun in bed, have sex more often, and women have more orgasms during sex than those who refrain from fantasizing about their sex lives. And some of those studies have shown how lack of being able to have sexual fantasies has led to boredom.

What is dangerous to the health of a relationship is the idea of “possession” and an atmosphere of judgment where one of the parties involved doesn’t feel confident or comfortable in sharing. Being connected to someone who won’t allow you the freedom to express the deepest and darkest desires is a sure-fire way to spend a life of misery.

And I can tell you I see that far too much around me – couples who clearly have no clue about the thoughts of their partner. They co-exist in a swirl of resentment without really understanding how they reached that stage, but the cohabitation passing as a “marriage” is too convenient to leave – or heaven forbid, too much bother to put in the effort to change. I listen as my own girlfriends complain about their partners, label them and berate them; rarely do they share any of the decent qualities that must have existed at one point in time.

Meanwhile, they scoff at my own tales of how my husband planned an elaborate birthday scavenger hunt for me last year; or how he secretly downloads songs I like onto my mp3 player while I am in bed asleep, leaving me to be surprised the next time I listen to it. I’ve stopped telling them that he knows my clothing, underwear and shoe size better than I do. Damn the bastard!

It's time to let go of the anger and resentment that has boiled because you are too lazy to actually talk to each other. Life is not a Hollywood movie where Prince Charming comes to the rescue, or some great revelation occurs and your marriage is fixed in a running time of 181 minutes. You have to open up, you have to talk and you have to be willing to accept the other person's delightful kinky lust for wanting you to be a part of their sexual fantasies.

A progressive relationship isn’t about ownership or dispelling the fact that human nature involves a healthy imagination. Trying to squash your partner’s fleeting mental desires is likely a quicker route to turning a monogamous partnership into a former relationship.

Andee     xoxo

Relationships | The Other Side of the Stats

I’m curious. I’ve been reading a few of those horrible trashy women’s magazines lately and there’s a lot of information I’ve discovered – which I love to share on Twitter – but, at the same time, makes me realize that the debate is very one-sided.

The other day, for example, I read an older article about how almost 92 per cent of women considered a man sharing a photo of his junk in a text message with another woman outside of his relationship constituted “cheating.”

And another statistic said that 98 per cent of women felt that if a man had old-fashioned phone sex with another woman it was cheating.

OK, as a woman, I can kind of see that.

But I have to wonder what men think. Not so much what they might be thinking if they are the ones sending the photo or making the phone call, but what do they think if it was their wife or girlfriend behaving like that? Would the same percentage of men agree?

It’s an interesting situation for me on a personal level as well. In the past I have shared rather suggestive photos with men I didn’t know – until I figured it was a lot easier to tell them just to visit my website for that kind of fun. And I have also had phone sex with a man that was not my husband … while I was married; but that was also in the early days of my sexual adventure and there was a lot yet to be discovered along the way.

With where my sexual psyche is at within my marriage these days – and the fact that my husband and I have evolved in both our relationship trust and perspective over the past 23 years – I’m not certain that I’m a good candidate to expand on how someone might react. Frankly, if it was my husband that was getting into all of that with another woman, I would want to be right there holding his hand along the way!

I wonder; have women become that brave? We hear about men initiating and participating in this kind of behavior all the time; but they need someone at the other end to play along. And when they get caught, it’s usually the woman who is blowing the whistle on them. Do men find themselves on the other side of the idea very often? And if so, who are these women they're getting involved with?

Very curious, indeed.

Andee     xoxo

 

Trying Not To Look Too Slutty

It has been a while since I dug into my collection of questions from people I have encountered on here and some of the other online avenues of my life; and with the sun starting to actually melt the frozen tundra that is my neighbourhood I thought it would be a good time to put some specific answers out there.

This one came from one of my Twitter followers a few weeks ago and has kind of sat in my mind – and archive – for a bit.

When you get dressed up, do you pay attention to whether you look 'too slutty'?

Outside of the fun that happens with me online, there are kind of two realities at work for me as to why this isn’t really an issue: my personal struggle with fashion and my offline environment not being truly conducive to being that way.

I have said before that a tremendous amount of my personal style belongs to the fashion sense of my husband. He is a very unique man who could spend hours – and hundreds of dollars – taking me shopping. Almost all the outfits you see when I post pics on my blog and Twitter are the result of him taking the time to pick something out for me (with the exception of some lingerie and boots, which I have been ‘spoiled’ in receiving from a couple male friends). Without that guidance, I would easily opt for the most comfortable and practical style … and certainly not have the ability to tease, flirt and torment as much as I do!

Some of the women I work with, quite literally, ask if they can take him shopping with them after they discover that a certain outfit was something he picked out, etc.

In those moments when I feel like pushing the envelope a little, my decisions are completely based on being a distraction – but not so much that it would impact my professional reputation. I aim for the “sexy” most of all.

Secondary to that, my day-to-day life is rooted in a very conservative work environment. I occasionally push the limits a little with some shorter hems and by wearing my friends’ lingerie underneath, but for the most part I can’t get away with too much. Heck, we even have a policy for heel height – which rules out all those impossible sky-high stilettos you guys love on us.

And, my day-to-day-not-at-work life is rooted in playing taxi driver to a couple of exceptionally busy young men. I’m sure I could get away with being a little sexier in my outfits for those nights when I’m just a spectator to their activities – and likely not get any complaints from the Dads in attendance – but it’s not always practical to be wearing a miniskirt and heels to a hockey game.

But, having said that, every now and then, the opportunity arises for me to go out on a hot date with my husband and not dress so “Momish.” Again, I get an awful lot of advice and requests from him … and occasionally I will relent and slip into something just so we can cut the night short and get home early (if you know what I mean).

Even then, my husband’s fashion sense isn’t about trying to make me look “slutty” as much as it is about trying to help me feel confident, stylish and sexy.

In all honesty, the only times I have ever felt close to ‘slutty’ are a couple of occasions when we went to a lifestyle club – but my initial concerns over my own outfit were soon dispelled by what I saw other women almost wearing. And in that kind of setting, their sluttier seems to be the better!

I think there is a need to understand what “too slutty” can mean. With some people, they think that a woman should stop wearing certain styles when they reach a certain age. But others think that when a woman reaches a certain age, she should dress how she wants because she has the confidence in her sexuality to let all those societal conventions disappear.

I think there is a difference between what may be acceptable in our society and what might be a bit much, but at the end of the day, if a woman has the confidence to carry her sense of style off, then who are we to pass judgment?

Andee     xoxo 

Relationships | How Not To Get Laid

So there I was, wasting a little time at lunch instead of being social with co-workers that I’m not really interested in being social with, when I did the unthinkable yet again – I read some drivel from yet another wannabe Carrie Bradshaw, who still hasn’t figured out that she is just a fictional character crafted by a group of writers who probably never served as magazine columnists in New York. Strangely, this wannabe was male … not that there’s anything wrong with that.

The article this time was about “sexy” moves that your guy just doesn’t find sexy from a guy’s point of view. Now, this one wasn’t as full of rubbish as some of the others, but I still had to choke down my Cajun chicken to get through some of the advice.

Part of the article relies on the assumption that if you are actually dating right now, the guy you are dating must be a lazy idiot. No, not because he is dating you, but because he has absolutely no sexual creativity and must be spoon-fed sex because it is your responsibility to continually “please your man.” Except now, as a woman, you must learn to understand that he only wants it when he wants it – and that having to put any effort into the “tease” takes too much of his time away from important things, like picking his fantasy croquette team or something like that.

Shower sex … especially on weekday mornings.

"Unless you have a seat in there, a shower romp is never as fun as it sounds. Who gets to stand under the water? And she can't like it when she goes down on me and there's scalding hot water blasting her in the face."

If you can’t figure out how to position yourself in the shower so she’s not getting water in face when she is doing something to make you feel sexy and desirable, then I’ll make sure you have some extra conditioner in there because from now on the only lube you’ll be getting on your clean Johnson will be spread with your own hand while you jerk off to those stories your buddy from work tells you about the things his wife does to him.

Hint you're in the mood, then play hard to get and make him work at seducing you.

“Just what a guy wants when he gets home from work: more work. The chase is a game for those who've just met. When you're in a new relationship, you're so excited, you'll try anything. I once spent three weeks eating at vegan restaurants just because a girl was cute (and vegan). Of course, I'd grab a cheeseburger afterward. But still, that's working for it!”

You know what’s work? Trying to get the mustard stain off the crotch of your pants after you’ve eaten that cheeseburger, you slob. But fear not buddy, you can bemoan your lack of understanding of women while you drop a few more coins into the washing machine at the laundromat when you go with your other newly-single friend … and compare notes of which conditioner feels better to masturbate with in the shower.

Wear a top with a million little buttons and slowly undo them while he watches.

“Is it cool if I watch baseball till you finish? This sounds more goofy than sexy. Sure, most guys enjoy a striptease, but there's a reason strippers don't wear tops like that. Namely, there are few things less hot than unbuttoning a million buttons. Guys like it when you take off your clothes, but it's better if it doesn't take half an inning to get to the main event.”

Well, I bet you love those cheapass t-shirts from Walmart better because that’s the only place you’ll meet your next big thing. Oh, and the stripper thing? Yes, they don’t wear button down shirts like your wife or girlfriend … but unlike your brass pole fantasy we don’t make your dick ooze puss and burn when you pee. Yeah, that’s hot – in a not so delightful way. Hope she was worth the $20 bucks you stuffed in her g-string before you wagged your inch-worm out from your best pair of sweat pants.

Buy a super-pricey, super-vampy little lingerie number for his eyes only.

“The only time a guy notices lingerie is when it's hard to take off. Sexy lingerie is kind of a nonstarter. If it makes you feel sexy, great. Go for it. But if you're wearing it to turn a guy on, just know it doesn't do as much for us as you might think. If I already know what's under there, then what's the point?”

Which is why your Internet browsing history is full of links to pantyhose and stocking fetish sites, right? And why does that Victoria’s Secret catalogue come to the house in your name? Or maybe this year we can say no gift-wrapping for your Christmas presents?

It’s sad that men like this have grown up too lazy to know that unwrapping her is half the fun. But no, they would rather just fuck and be done with it so they could get back to the sports channel. And they wonder why their lives are miserable and empty. Come on, can’t women see how great a catch you really are?

But, I know this, the minute your wife or girlfriend starts wearing nothing but droopy old sweats and cheeseburger stained t-shirts is the minute you’ll bitch about how she doesn’t bother trying to improve her appearance and try to start looking kind of like that hot little intern in accounting who always shows a flash of her lace bra under her button down… oh wait … I forgot, you don’t like lingerie and buttons. You’re more into the Velcro look like that stripper was wearing the other night.
 

Grr…

There was a whole lot more I could have said about this absolute nonsense, but after scoffing for a few minutes, I realized that this poor sap of a writer probably goes home to an apartment still decorated with fond memories of college and not a hot and sexy woman waiting in nothing but a $300 band of ribbon from an upscale lingerie shop.

Thankfully both my own personal experience with men and many commenters on the article indicate that these kinds of ideas are far from the norm. In fact, the few men I do know who even closely talk along these lines are usually not the kind of men who I think get a lot of this kind of action anyway.

As for me, I’m OK with this ridiculousness … because for all the men with an attitude like this out there, I immediately feel so much more fortunate for having one in my life who will break every man rule in the book to get me into the “sexy.” But that said, I admit we don’t usually shower together in the morning; he is way too exhausted from: the chase, the seduction, the buttons and the lingerie.

Andee     xoxo

 

TMI Tuesday | The Old College Try

I am one of those people who could live by the mantra "I wish I knew then what I know now." Especially when it comes to the idea of sexual exploration and self-discovery. I have said before that I'm lucky to have met the man who became my husband because he has introduced, encouraged, dared and occasionally pushed me to explore a lot of the naughty thoughts in my head.

So, when I reflect back on those days when I was young, fit and should have been fucking like crazy, I kind of wish my courage was in the same place as it is these days ...

Thanks to our prolific TMI friend virtualsin for this week’s TMI Tuesday … and now, for the good old college try!

1) Have you ever been sexiled? (To be sexiled is to be denied the use of your room, usually dorm room, because someone is having sex there.)
Actually, I was fortunate in that I had my own room when I went away to college. I shared a house with three guys and a female friend - which always made weekends interesting because you never knew what was going to happen. My one male roommate worked at the beer store, another was a disc jockey at a local strip club. For a girl fresh off the farm, it was a very enlightening experience.

Now, that said, I had a boyfriend at the time, so I was probably the one who made the others more uncomfortable with the amount of sex going on than the other way around.

2) Were you ever hit on (propositioned) by a someone in your circle of friends who knew you were in a relationship with someone else?
Yes, more than once...which always left me going "Really?" Of course, nowadays that would make for a hell of a lot more fun!

3) Did you ever date someone for sex only, i.e. in hopes of a 1-night stand?
No, I was involved with the man who became my husband at a relatively young age and we were together when I went away to college. I've never had a traditional one-night stand, although I am terribly curious about them.

4) Were you ever involved in a regrettable sexual incident where alcohol or drugs were involved?
Yes, but probably not as bad as some might have had to deal with. My first experience with anal sex came as a result of drinking way too much one night and agreeing to give it a try. I really wasn't in the right kind of shape to be doing anything quite like that and my ass hurt for a long time after. It was a few years before I was willing to experiment again.

5) Did you ever see a porn movie in an actual movie theater? Did you ever see porn on home movie (8mm) before the age of videotape?
No to both. My first time watching an actual porn movie was on our TV at home. My parents got the early version of satellite television and the package came with the Playboy channels - which my brother absolutely loved for obvious reasons!

6) Did you ever discuss the prowess of a sex partner with a friend? Did the friend also have a history with the same person?
Yes, and no ... I'm a very open person sexually. I don't mind talking about sex; in fact, I kind of enjoy it. But I have not ever had someone in my life that has a history with the same person - with the exception of a couple that we used to dabble sexually with. Both my husband and I have had the delight of exploring her body orally.

BONUS: Many heterosexuals ‘experiment’ in college by having their first same-sex encounter? If you are heterosexual did you have your first same-sex sexual experience in college? Did you like it? What did you do? Are you still hetero-flexible or did you become bisexual?
Bonus question provided by Hedone.
I know I had a lot of curiosities in college, but never had the courage or opportunity to allow them to come out. It was later in life, after I had given birth to my children that I finally began to understand and explore some of the sexual desires in my head.

I just don't know if I can say with complete confidence that I am bisexual. My chances to continually play that way are limited, but my interest and desire is still quite strong. Maybe better described as biselective?

Andee     xoxo

Sex | One of the Greatest Turn-ons

I've been hanging on to this one for some time now. For a couple reasons, it has always been difficult to finish writing it - mostly because every time I reflect upon it, I feel the need to take a few minutes for myself.

Actual footage from the day in question

The reality is, after you have been married for a long time, there aren't really many opportunities for things to occur outside of that relationship on a sexual level. Add to that, the pressure of societal morals and what other people deem "acceptable behaviour" can often stifle the mood before it can even take hold.

Outside of your current relationship, what moment stands as the greatest sexual turn-on of your life?

Without a doubt, it was a moment when I went to visit my Office Guy in his office. That morning I had woken up and went to get ready for work while my husband was still in bed. I usually set my clothes out ahead of time, so I won't wake him when we are on off-kilter schedules. After my shower, I reached for the dress I had chosen to wear and hanging with it was a pair of stockings and a garterbelt that I had recently received from a friend (which is a different story).

Normally for me, this is way outside of my comfort zone ... but I thought for a moment and figured, what the hell. He had obviously put some naughty thought to an idea overnight and I wasn't going to spoil it for him.

He also had a strong notion that me wearing something like this would result in some serious flirting for me at work with my Office Guy. And then the texts began, asking me at first how it felt to be wearing something different under my dress. Throughout the day, they became a bit more racy and suggestive, until finally he noted that the whole idea was for someone to learn exactly what I was wearing.

It didn't really take an awful lot of encouragement for me to fulfill that part of my husband's 'dare.' I had already spent months involved in a game of sexual torment and teasing with my friend and what I was wearing had already been disclosed as one of his biggest fetishes. The only challenge for me, really, was first to calm my nerves at the reality of letting my Office Guy in on the secret, and finding the right opportunity in which to take the game to a new level.

I asked my friend after lunch when he was going to be in his office because I needed to come see him. He gave me that flirtatious smile that suggested he knew something was going on.

When I was able to slip away from my own department, I went to my friend's office, closed the door behind me and stood so that no one could open it without it bumping me - which would give me a chance to quickly adjust anything necessary. My friend sat and looked at me with a slight smile and questioning look, which quickly turned into a huge ear-to-ear grin as I raised the hem of my dress to reveal the tops of my stockings.

At first he just stared intently, muttering a couple compliments and his surprise that I would do something like that. He came over to me and we kissed, then he ran his hands over my body, feeling the garterbelt and stockings through the fabric of my dress.

As he continued to fondle and caress me, he whispered "You're so fucking sexy" in my ear - hearing that from another man, in that moment, is what ranks as the greatest sexual turn-on for me outside of my current relationship.

Andee     xoxo

Sex | Our Porn Fantasies

I don't know if it is just me, or if it is really the case, but it seems that there is a lot of discussion surrounding porn these days. Maybe it's with the abundance of Z-list "celebrities" coming out with their own sex tapes "I didn't know the camera was actually rolling, which is why I was completely faking it and playing directly to the lens); or maybe it's just because we feel the need to talk about sex because the weather is getting boring as a conversation piece.

Regardless, I found this question rather intriguing and decided to put my own thoughts to it:

Do we merely use porn as a fantasy “valve” that allows us to release our wildest wishes without the risks of physical experiments? 

On a personal level, porn is just something that allows the imagination to be directed towards something sexually intriguing but not necessarily achievable. Sometimes the imagination wants to lead us towards ideas that may require a significant physical and emotional departure from the safety of our personal realities - realities such as committed relationships and social mores.

So, from that end, porn allows my mind to wander into those ideas from a visual stimulation without sacrificing everything precious in my relationship and reputation. That said, I'm also not a huge consumer of porn, but as you do know, it doesn't hurt that I also have a little adult profession on the side.

But I can't say that it is "merely" a fantasy "valve" for me. Porn, in my life, is also an experiment in physical exploration and a significant motivator in me attempting to turn certain fantasies in real life. It serves as a point of conversation for suggesting that I have certain ideas and recognizing that some ideas are actually feasible. It brings to life a lot of the thoughts that sit in the deepest recesses of my sexual psyche, and helps add some fuel to my libido.

On a larger scale, I also think porn allows us to visualize and understand the thoughts that swirl around in our mind - and as long as it is legal and consensual - realize that our thoughts are somewhat normal and healthy. Obviously there are some very niche fetishes, and while a lot them are not for me, consenting adults do unusual things all the time. But for the most part, porn is a world where everyone gets a little something that makes them momentarily happy and leaves them sexually fulfilled.

And for some people, porn serves as an outlet to pent up sexual frustration - and any time we can let go of some of that pent up sexual frustration is a good time.

Andee     xoxo

Sex | Are Fantasies Better?

The article from which I borrowed this question isn't really what inspired my thoughts, as much as I found it an interesting piece. But how the question was presented by the author made me think of so much more than in the context she had intended.

So, I decided it would be better for me to expand on my own twisted imagination ...

Is the fantasy better than the reality?

Easy question, right? Not so fast. Skippy. In a lot of ways, suggesting the fantasy is better than the reality is a cop out.

We learn nothing from fantasy, other than allowing our imaginations to grow and prosper. Reality teaches us the messy truth about sexual encounters, for the good and the bad. Fantasies don't fumble with condom wrappers that seemingly do not want to be torn open in the heat of the moment. They don't leave wet spots in the middle of the bed, or angry wives searching for text messages on cell phones.

Fantasies allow us to sterilize the idea into a perfect dream where nothing goes wrong and everything ends like a summer sunset. They are controlled by the limits of our imagination; and frankly only have the element of spontaneity that our minds allow. They lack the true colour of life because we have painted them exactly how we see them.

But as hot as fantasies can be, we don't really grow as people from them. Reality, when it comes to sexual encounters and relationships, can be pretty dirty. It can be painful and dangerous - in both good and bad ways. But mostly, reality forces us to experience something that may initially have been outside of our comfort zone, allowing us to seek achievement and recognize the value of human contact in the heat of the moment.

It may not always end in perfect Cinderella fashion, but sexual reality leaves us with the opportunity to say, at the end of it all, "I tried it." To me, that beats "If only" on any given day. Life is just too short.

Andee     xoxo

TMI Tuesday | Sex Times Six

Yesterday turned out pretty sucky - between my own selfish work issues and the tragedy in Boston. We had a family member running in the marathon and fortunately had finished the race before the explosions. Trying none the less.

So when I saw this week's TMI Tuesday questions, I was muttering "Thank God" because they would give me the chance to get deep into my imagination and put some reality behind me for a while. Anyway, I hope you enjoy my answers this week.

1. Have you ever considered yourself completely sexually satisfied?
(Thank you Sex in Words for this question)
I am what I consider to be a loyal and dedicated commentor on the Sex In Words Twitter daily sex discussion. This was one of the questions I answered, and stand by my initial answer: absolutely never.

The idea of being completely sexually satisfied can be interpreted in many ways, but for me, I am a sexual being always lusting for more and as much as I can get. I have a wonderful and passionate lover, who constantly provides me with an awesome experience ... but I am also someone who loves to explore, experiment and dabble. And as such, I yearn for the opportunity to continue that - which means in my mind I am not completely sexually satisfied.

And honestly, I don't think I want to be completely sexually satisfied ... I want it to be an adventure, a pursuit so to speak; and I like to be surprised.

2. What was the last sexy photo you took?
These are always naughty questions for me because I have a naughty adult website with more than a couple sexy photos. Anyway, to make it easy, I just decided I would post something from that update as a bit of a teaser. The blatant self-promotion is, check out my website for the rest of the sexy!

3. When was the last sexy photo you took & sexted? What was it of and to whom was it sent?
I had to think about this one, but I believe it is a photo that I not only sexted to my husband, but I also put it up on Twitter - a photo of me in my underwear that I asked readers from my blog to help pick out for my Christmas Eve day at work and dinner with my hubby.

4. How is your sex-life?
   a) Like a wet blanket
   b) Like a warm cozy comforter
   c) Like an electric blanket getting you all heated up
   d) None of the above, I sleep without covers.
If I read the question right, I think my answer waffles somewhere between b) through to d). Let's be honest with each other, as much as I would love to let you believe that every time I get laid the fire department either shows up or is directly involved, the truth is that my sex life fluctuates just like everyone else. There are times when it is steamy, sweaty, fantasy fulfilling ... and times when it is functional and necessary. That's the great thing about my marriage, it is never routine.

5. What’s your idea of good foreplay?
This is a toughie for me because I think it's hard to define "good foreplay." What works for me might be tedious for someone else. But ...

Great foreplay for me begins when my husband starts the day by getting into the naughty part of my imagination, either with the scent of his cologne that he knows makes me crazy, or a teasing little note tucked into my panties I set out for the day. Other times it starts with sexy text messages filled with innuendo, then becoming more direct throughout the day. Then, when we are finally together in the evening, it's the deep passionate kisses with lots of tongue and lots of fondling. That always gets me worked up.

Then to feel a man's hands caressing me in all the right places - not rushing, but setting my erogenous zones on fire and getting my body ready for the ultimate act of steamy, sweaty sex - that is incredible.

Bonus: Can you have a great, long-lasting sex life with the same partner? How?
It will depend on how you define what "sex life" means. Because in my sex life, with my partner right by my side, involves a lot of experimentation and exploration. It has involved the road to discovering my bisexual side and fulfilling a fantasy with another man while my husband sat and watched.

Everyone needs to find their own path and the own sexual adventure. But if your path involves possessiveness and jealousy, it won't turn out to be very great. In order for you to achieve that, you both need to be willing to challenge your sexual comfort zone, surrender your hang-ups and open your mind.

Andee     xoxo