All Wet | Sex In The Water

I can’t say that I’m the most experienced person when it comes to daring sex; and by daring, I mean fun things like sex in public places, or where the risk of getting caught or seen might be high. That’s not to say I wouldn’t enjoy tempting the voyeur gods a little bit more, it just says that there’s a lot left for me to explore.

In one of the past TMI Tuesday blogs I had read, there was something that stood out to me as something to consider for one of my own updates. Maybe not so much as a TMI Tuesday theme, but rather just a thought that would be fun to explore.

The idea centred around whether or not it would be more exciting to have sex in the shower, a pool or a hot tub. Having already accomplished all three of these, my thinking was more along the lines of where could I take the idea next?

Sex in the shower isn’t unheard of in my house. With two Little Men – who are now not so little – there isn’t a great deal of “privacy” when the mood strikes. Let’s be honest, when Mom’s bedroom door is closed and it’s not bedtime yet, chances are something is going on … and they’re old enough to know. Luckily they still look at the whole thing as “icky.” The longer I can keep them innocent, the better.

One thought that has intrigued me for some time, however, is having a shower that is specifically designed for sex. A few years ago my husband spent some time in Las Vegas for work – home to about every twisted thought one can have. The shower in his room is exactly what I have in mind (he took a picture): a seamless glass booth with multiple shower heads. It would be perfect for a great many sexual encounters … and maybe even a great video or two.

Now, with that planned for home renovations, the other water-based sex scene I would love to explore is that of a hotel hot tub. Excuse the reality that the water might not be the sexiest – use your own imagination here – but I love the idea of pushing the limits like that. In my thoughts, there would be only a few adults around, oblivious to what is going on.

Or maybe not …

I think this is something that really captured my curiosity a few years ago when I was away for a conference with a coworker. I blogged about how that weekend was the one that opened my mind to my bisexual side and peaked my interest in wanting to know more.

You can read the bigger details here … but focusing on the hot tub … my friend and I decided to spend a bit of time before the evening’s big event down at the hotel pool. Being away from spouses also meant a little less of the “watchful eye” and freedom to be a little silly, playful and brave. We slipped into our bikinis and headed downstairs.

There hotel was pretty busy, as it was right next door to a major airport. When we got down there, there were a few families in the pool, so we made a b-line for the hot tub. We weren’t in there too long when a couple guys came over and got in as well. Now, this is not like a backyard tub where it’s very cozy so it wasn’t awkward. After a couple minutes, the small talk started in pretty typical fashion: where are from, what are you doing here, etc. She and I were already in a very chatty mood, quietly discussing our bisexual curiosities.

Since hotel hot tubs tend to be noisy, with each question, and the instinct to lean closer in order to hear, eventually the four of us all shuffled closer together. To be clear, nothing was going to happen with these guys other than some fun flirty and a little innuendo. My friend and I had no intention of doing anything involving other men.

The biggest surprise for me though, was as we were sitting, chatting, she and I were very close together. Usually in a hot tub, you kind of have your arms floating out front, playing with the bubbles, that kind of thing. Unexpectedly, I felt her hand on my leg. Having already been delightfully turned on by her (read the original blog) this was a very welcome move. As our conversation continued with the guys – and got particularly more suggestive – her hand moved as well. In a few minutes, she had settled her fingers at the top of my thigh, with her pinky finger stroking me through my bikini.

Now, you have to understand that this was the first time that another woman had ever touched me there in such a sexual fashion. I don’t remember if I gasped, coughed or sputtered, but I do remember the wave of incredible lust that overcame me after it sank in what was happening. And I have no doubt that the guys we were with suspected something.

Regardless, the moment left me with a deeper desire to explore my bisexual thoughts and a huge fantasy for hotel hot tubs.

Andee     xoxo 

Sex | Seriously, It's Just A Number

Every now and then, I hear the occasional “bit of advice” about not asking about a person’s sexual history. I guess I am a bit of an unusual case because, honestly, I want to know … and please feel free to use some graphic descriptions. I see it as an important part of who my partner is. These were experiences that were real and important to them at a point in their life. On top of that, who’s to judge whether or not I might learn something from it that might help me bring them more happiness.

When I saw a few messages this week when I checked my email, I figured what would be better than to expose some intimate detail about my own history. So, here’s a Formspring Friday question that I certainly liked on the subject of sexual mileage:

Do you think your friends would guess that you have slept with more or less people than you actually have?

For anyone who knows me – the real me behind Andee – they would probably guess pretty darn close to the truth. My circle of close friends know my husband and I have been in a very committed relationship for a long time … 22 years, in fact. They also know my age, which when using simple math would tell them that I was pretty young when I started dating him. The assumption would be that, given my age when we started dating, it would have taken me out of the dating pool for part of high school and all of college.

Assuming I also behaved 100% while maintaining a long-distance relationship for almost two years.

Having said that, I think that a good number of them would under-guess the truth because they may not really know about some of the sexual antics that my hubby and I have enjoyed: assuming that we’re not going to say sex only has to be intercourse between a man and a woman. There have been a few very enjoyable nights and afternoons of healthy, sweaty sexual activity that just didn’t reach the point of traditional intercourse between me and another man.

So that might cloud the issue. I know that for some of my friends south of the border, there has been some debate on whether or not a little oral action qualifies as “sexual relations.” But what’s a blowjob or pussy-licking between friends, right?

And do women count as sexual partners?

Ooh, the depth of it all!

Now, I think that some of my other more casual friends and coworkers might over-estimate the number of sexual partners I have had, given the occasional flashes of sexual confidence that exude from me. And I’m sure that, based on the kind of things I do share with them about my marriage, they might think I have a bit of a track record of experience.

Regardless, I am a big believer in quality sexual relations over quantity.

So, just to make things a bit fun, I have decided to turn my blog poll into your chance to “guess” the number of sexual partners I have had. I’m going to leave it wide open for you and say that I personally consider oral sex to be sex … besides, it helps with the stats.

Once the poll is done, I’ll confess all to you … plus it gives me a week to pad the numbers just in case!

Andee     xoxo

Communication | Have You Had The Talk

I think everyone has their own idea of what couples should discuss as their relationships develop, grow and evolve over time. The experts suggest it is a good idea to communicate about life’s complexities, such as money issues, marriage, children, careers, and a laundry list of other subjects. While I’m not expert in this area, in a small way, I consider myself very successful at maintaining a relationship – especially when I see example after example of others falling apart.

And I’m not sure where, or how, I can point to the secrets of my success. The all-too-simplistic answer is that I married my best friend. But it is more complicated than that.

I was reading one of my favourite trashy women’s magazines again and stumbled across one of those articles that suggested the standard “conversations you need to have with your spouse.” Yeah, alright, we do need to be on the same page as a couple with the day-to-day life issues, but too many people never have the rest of the important talks.

Andee’s Four Forgotten Talks Couples Must Have

The Sex Talk

You might confuse this with the “sex” talk, but it’s more than that. Deeper than that, if you can pardon the pun. Can you identify the last time you cuddled after an amazing, mind-blowing, sweaty romp and say it was original; and I don’t mean “original” by breaking tradition from the usual Missionary Tuesdays. Or when was the last time you learned something new about your partner’s sexual desires and willingness to experiment?

People change, grow and along with that, so do their sexual appetites. For example, when I first started dating my husband – and even into the first couple years of our marriage – there were some sexual activities I did not enjoy. One was anal. It hurt like hell and it was not something I cared to attempt, even with a gallon of tequila. And while it still doesn’t rank “frequent” on our list of things to do in bed, lately I have been absolutely enjoying a lot of “in addition to” playtime back there during intercourse.

The other was oral. I was never comfortable with it, and probably held a little apprehension to it following some early sexual experiences with another man. Of course, it might have to do with that sex partner’s particular approach to it, but again, it was not something I was very comfortable with – never mind the end result and what to do! These days I have a reputation … a very well-earned, often-practiced and never-a-drop-spilled reputation.

Experience, confidence and courage … they all add up to a much broader sense of sexuality and desire. It helped immensely that I took a workshop on how to blow his mind in bed.

The Friends Talk

Typically the area better recognized as where the green monster of jealousy rears its ugly head. Yes, couples talk about his leering beer-league buddies, or her ultra-bitchy BFF. But what about, for example, her flirty Office Guy? Or his mini-skirted Lunch Lady?

Friends of the opposite sex can expose a whole bunch of insecurities within couples, especially if these friends are not mutual friends. It’s important to be upfront and honest with your husband or wife about those individuals with whom you share a somewhat sexually-charged friendship with – but not necessarily a sexual relationship. That would be the Friends with Benefits Talk, which is a whole different conversation.

The Fantasy Talk

If there is one conversation I have learned more about from my time on the Internet, it is how this subject is the least talked about topic between couples. Guys will share with me some of the sexiest, naughtiest, erotic thoughts during online chats, but when I say you should tell your wife, they respond with how “she wouldn’t understand” or “she would kill me if she knew.”

The Fantasy Talk is probably the most difficult conversation to have because of how vulnerable to judgment it can leave you. The last thing anyone wants from the person they love is that shocked downward glance of disapproval after you have just admitted to a fun idea involving a pair of high heels and the college football team.

Never mind your fantasies; right now can you list five on a sticky note that you know for sure that your partner has? Three? One?

They don’t have any, you say? I call shenanigans on that one. Everyone has at least one fantasy, but rather than open up and expose themselves to ridicule, it’s easier to say “I have everything I want.” The psychology of it all can be rather daunting.

Understanding – and not judging – your partner’s desires are one of the biggest keys to a healthy and lasting relationship. Fantasies are what keep the mind engaged, and don’t always have to be about mathematically impossible predicaments. But you’ll never know as long as fear in the relationship is greater than communication and understanding.

The Regrets Talk
I was reading an absolutely heart-wrenching blog recently, written by a woman who is battling through ovarian cancer. I’m not going to hit on all the entries that made me pause to catch my breath and calm my heart. But the one big underline in this is living life as much as you can without the “What ifs” and “Should haves.”

Suffice to say, her blog just validated the adventure I am trying to have.

Ask yourself one thing today: if you had to confront your own mortality right now, accept that every day you lived from here on in was going against the odds, what question do you wish you had the courage to ask your spouse? What one action or event stands in your mind as something to be achieved, but fear is holding you back.

It doesn’t have to be about the typical “bucket list” items people talk about … hell; it doesn’t even need to involve a fabulous pair of stilettos and 30 freshly-showered buff college athletes in crisp white towels. Or in my personal example an afternoon hall pass with my Office Guy. It can be as simple as returning to the spot where you shared your first kiss.

All it has to be is “Honey, there’s something I really want …” Then let the words and your imagination take you from there.

Andee     xoxo

Why Not Talk About Past Lovers

I’m pretty sure that you have figured out by now that I tend to be a bit of an open book when it comes to the sexual side of my life. Well, I am on here anyway.

I just think it’s a much more intriguing and entertaining topic when it comes to something to talk about. Plus, why should we feel so afraid of sex as a subject? Imagine how much more exciting life would be if instead of making small talk about nonsensical things like the weather, we could stand in the elevator and ask “So … get laid last night?”

But even when it does come to talking about sex, there are certain topics that remain “off limits.” Almost every relationship expert says not to discuss previous sexual partners. They suggest that those things, as they are intimate details of someone’s past, should remain secrets locked away for all eternity.

I don’t know … I can’t say I really agree with that idea too much.

I don’t have a crowd of skeletons in my closet when it comes to past lovers … but as I said last week, I like to think that the experiences we have had with previous sexual partners help define who we are as sexual beings. We have been able, through those intimate moments, to gain a better understanding of what we like, what we don’t like, what we’re good at and what we may have been missing when we finally meet that partner who is that much better!

Plus, I subscribe to the belief that those past experiences – for the most part – are not something we need to be ashamed of. Parachute pants and big hair in the 80s, yes … but life experiences, not so much. Of course, I am referring to experiences that have not led to emotional or physical scars – and as I get older, I realize that I was fortunate in that my past lovers were relatively average; no serial killers, closet psychopaths or Backstreet Boy tribute band members.

Maybe it is part of the kinky side of me, but I like to know about what has gone on in my partner’s previous relationships. Not so much from a nosy side, but recognizing that surely there must have been something they enjoyed and made them happy, so what is that – and is it something that I might be able to bring to our relationship to make it even better?

The real kinky side of me likes to hear, in graphic detail, some of those moments that I wasn’t there for. It’s almost like a bit of personal erotica.

But am I going to dress up in things like they did? Probably not. But if there was some fun and exciting positions that might not be a regular feature in our sex life, I might be willing to indulge and bring a smile to your face.

And there is the other side to it, as well. As lovers, we all want to know how we stack up to the previous notches on the bedpost. Call it ego, but from a somewhat kinky perspective … just what is it she did with her tongue to make your eyes roll back into your head?

One thing I do believe when it comes to sharing information about other lovers is knowing when the time is right. Communication is hugely important, and there is nothing wrong with sharing some of those life experiences – you just have to pick your moments. But if you talk a lot, you’ll know. If you don’t talk a lot, you might want to start.

Andee     xoxo

TMI Tuesday | My Sexual Personality

Every now and then, a really awesome TMI Tuesday comes along and takes over my mind and imagination. This week we have returned to one of my most favourite subjects – alright, you busted me there – my MOST favourite subject: sex

What is your sexual personality?
a) The Controller – initiating sex, twisting your into positions you want, driving the scene play-by-play
b) The Sex Slave – you love to be used and at the mercy of your lover. You won’t initiate but follow and do as you are told. You love to be used.
c) Daredevil – sexual adventure and sexual thrills are what you are about. You get off on the risk factor.
d) Subdued – sex is a necessary part of the relationship so you are available when needed

I really like this question because I love trying to figure out just what other people’s sexual personality might be. It’s a bit of twisted thing for me, especially when I meet a couple and as I get to know them begin to wonder what the attraction is, who takes the lead in the bedroom … if they are as kinky as I am, if they might be shocked to discover some of the adventures and experiences I’ve enjoyed.

But picking just one personality type for myself, I would say that I am very much the Daredevil when it comes to sex. I’m all for trying new things and ways to indulge my sexual desires. The bigger problem I have with being a Daredevil is not having all the necessary opportunities to challenge the risk and danger more than I do. Some parts of real life and socially acceptable behavior keep things in check. And, let’s be honest, despite the outward sexual confidence you might think comes through in all of this fun stuff online, I remain very much a shy, reserved person whose imagination runs wilder than her true courage.

But I also have a bit of a multiple personality aspect as well, because for the most part, I am not the initiator in sex – and I’m pretty sure my partner would love it if I would take the lead more often. I can’t say that wholly makes me the Sex Slave, but I’m sure you get the idea.

How many times have you sneaked away from party guests to have sex in another part of the party venue? Where did you sneak to? Were you ever caught?

In all honesty, none … there have been a few times where we have left a party to go home (or somewhere far removed from the venue) to get down to business, but I have never done the women’s washroom stall or darkened coatroom vertical shuffle.

But I think most of that simply boils down to opportunity and degree of horniness. I like quickies, but if I know there is the chance for extended sexual action – such as just getting all naked, sweaty and duly laid, it’s more appealing to me to not have to slip my dress back on and return to being a social butterfly.

Having said that, I also think it would an unbelievably erotic experience to try something different like that. It would be a lot of fun to find somewhere secluded, pull up the hem of my dress and drop my panties and let the guy drive me hard. Then, when we were done, slip my panties back on and return to the party wondering what people might think if they knew I was soaking wet from my experience just a few minutes earlier. Would they notice my flushed cheeks and slightly different walk? Of course, that’s assuming I chose intercourse over giving him a mind-blowing tongue-lashing.

Makes me want to get myself an invite to something soon!

Your sex party that you are mad crazy for requested you do one of the following, which one would you grant consent to do?
a) Bondage/Light Restraint – with your legs and hands tied while having sex
b) Sexual spanking that leaves marks
c) Record the two of you having sex
d) Have sex in a mirrored room where you can see yourselves having sex from every angle

Well, given that the only one I have not done outright is b), and d) might be challenged by the aficionados as – while I have sex mirrors installed in my bedroom and have enjoyed hotels with strategically placed mirrors – I have never done it in a room that was floor-to-ceiling reflections. But should I find that room, you can be guaranteed I would be game.

I love to watch sex, and I love to watch my lover in action … it’s kind of like my own personal sex show. I can’t say that I am a big enthusiast of watching porn, and like most women I prefer the intelligence of erotica and pushing my imagination. But given the chance to watch things live – whether I’m in on it or not – is extremely exciting for me.

As for the sexual spanking, neither my partner nor I have particularly explored the idea of mixing pleasure and sexual pain as part of our routine. I’m not against it though, and who knows … maybe someday we will find the right level of kink to knock that one off the list of “haven’t done.” He does own a riding crop … just hasn’t brought it to the bedroom yet.

Do you act out your sexual fantasies (select one)? Why?
a) I act out all my fantasies
b) I act out many of my fantasies
c) I act out some of my fantasies
d) I act out very few of my fantasies
e) I don’t act out any of my fantasies
f) I don’t have any fantasies

I would have to say that right now I fall into the c) category. I have acted out a some of my fantasies, and these days I am very interested in continuing to explore and turn more of them into realities as the opportunities come along. Of course, the sad fact is that there are some that just seem too far out of reach due to either the people that occupy a role in them, or that some other hurdles just seem too big to overcome. As much fun as it would be to have a wild interlude with, say, Jennifer Aniston, I’m not counting on that to happen any time soon. Nor will some of my exceptionally voyeuristic and exhibitionist ideas … more so due to laws surrounding public nudity, etc.

However, those that can be turned into realities are very much on my list of desires and I am really fortunate to have someone in my life that is willing to explore some of those with me. I think that might be the bigger hurdle for many people – having the support and understanding of their partner to validate their fantasies and allow them to be a healthy part of their relationship.

How important is sex in your life (select one)?
a) I could hardly survive without it
b) It is very important
c) It is somewhat important
d) I could live without it
e) If it were up to me, sex wouldn’t even exist

Easy answer – a)

Now then, given that you cannot predict what cards life might deal, I would add to that choice by saying that my libido right now says a), but you take what you get. It’s no secret that I love sex, and I love a wide variety of sexual experiences – from simple solo sessions designed to relieve a little stress to downright kinky, fuzzy handcuffs and blindfolds while you probe my body with sex toys and your own erect dick kind of sex.

BONUS: (Fill in the blank)
Sex is ______________
Sex is meant to be an exciting adventure

Andee     xoxo

Five Of This ... Five Of That

It’s one of those things I sometimes encounter when I am having a conversation with people who know about my dual life. Despite the reality of who I really am – and the so-not-what-you-think aspect of that – there are still a lot of assumptions that my life is so much more exciting and adventurous than it is.

My husband and I started this, as I have said more than a few times, as a way to grow together and experience what life could offer. Our inhibitions never really disappeared, just parts of our bravery emerged. And while my blog is the one place where I share all of that, I try hard not to bore you with the routine of being a regular woman … I hate the word “normal.” There are still many things I would love to experience in my life, and I have my doubts some of them will ever happen, but the journey is the purpose of it all.

And those things that don’t happen? That’s what dreams and fantasies are for.

A while ago I was chatting with a friend who knows both sides of my life and they made suggestion that they were interested in trying something new in life and, in a way, scoffed a little that I must think they were silly for wanting to, given the “experiences” I have. I was a little caught off guard at their assumption, but it got me to thinking about something I had been sent as part of a series of questions one of my usual “guys” wanted to know.

For the sake of making it more in tune with my blog, I’ve decided to dispel some of the myths in a collection of sexy haves and have nots in my life … so far.

5 things I have done that other people probably have not

1. The obvious – my website

While there are other women (and men) out there that have adult websites, I honestly believe that it does not rank high on the list of many people’s bucket lists. Out of everyone I know offline, none of them has one. And even though I am 10 years into having my own, I still struggle with the concept every now and then. Instead of looking at it as a guilty pleasure, it is more of pleasure that comes with some guilt.

2. Almost as obvious – sex videos … for sale

There are lots of things I’ve read about couples making their own sex videos … and probably anyone with a good camcorder has raised a curious eyebrow as a kinky idea popped into their head. But I can’t say there are a lot of people out there that make amateur sex videos for sale like we do. Sure, there’s a healthy, sexually-involved community surrounding the idea, but just don’t think it’s a leading activity on most people’s Saturday nights.

3. Danced topless

Something slightly tamer than the first two … and I am not talking about a quick little alcohol-inspired flash at some college bar. I am talking about honest-to-goodness “not a stitch above the waist” topless dance … on a few different occasions. The first time was at a club my husband and I used to go to, designed for people “in the lifestyle.” Another time was at a similar club, but with the woman half of a couple that we had met and hung out with a few times. She did have nice, small breasts … and the dances we shared were a lot of fun.

4. Had a foursome

Threesomes rank very high on people’s fantasy lists, yet most information I have seen on the reality behind the fantasy is that less than 10% of couples have actually shared the sheets with other people. That said, my experiences weren’t the earth-shattering MFM steamy, orgasmic wildness I would love to experience. They were some interesting moments in time with a couple of friends that opened the door to even more ideas of what I would like in my sexual adventure. And so, even with a foursome technically checked off, the fantasy remains very, very high on my bucket list of sexual desires. Not that I really have a bucket list, but damn I’d love the threesome/foursome/groupsome/gropesome again.

5. Share oral with a coworker

Wow … what to share here, other than “go read about it.”

5 things I haven't done that other people probably have

1. Gone skinny dipping

Yes, one of those simple summer activities of youth … yet I have never dropped the bikini and gone skinny dipping. Been naked in a few hot tubs, but never at the beach.

2. Had a one-night stand

This one torments me a little; in a way I’m proud that all of my sexual experiences have been the result of a stable relationship, but at the same time I wonder about the excitement and energy surrounding an unplanned, almost anonymous hook-up.

3. Had my heart truly broken

In this I mean that my relationships have all panned out the way they should. Any of them before my marriage ended with some disappointment, but not the weeks/months/years of doubt and emotional anguish of being “crushed” by their failure. In a way I hope to never add this to my list of experiences, but life is full of curveballs and there is no doubt that each and every one of us will go through relationship heartbreak of one form or another.

4. Smoked

There are some very strong reasons in my personal life as to why I have never – and will never – pick up a cigarette. I might admit to a tiny little experimentation with pot, but light years away from habitual – or even saying ‘experienced.’

5. Blind Date/Set-up Date/Online Date

Maybe a bit of a reach, because I know lots of people that have not been on “official” blind dates, but have been introduced to someone via “double dates” and “group dates.” My first few boyfriends were guys I knew from school. Then, when I was still a teenager, I met the man who would become my husband. We met on a soccer field … since then all my dates outside my relationship with him have been (as you saw above) foursomes and a delightful afternoon rendezvous.

So, there you go … a few more things I’m sure you absolutely were dying to know about me. I’m curious though. I wracked my brain on trying to figure out some of the sexy things that I have and have not done – what is there that I might have overlooked? What are some of the things you have done that you think others may not have? Would love to compare notes.

Andee xoxo 

Sex | Can There Be Too Much Foreplay

Hey guys, I know we've spent most of this week talking about panties, so figured this would be something that might fit. I mean, you need lots of steamy action and imagination to get into a girl's panties right? Plus, this question fit perfectly with a lot of what has been going on in my mind of late – particularly appropriate for a Formspring Friday!

Foreplay: Is there such a thing as too much?

Yes …

And now, you expect the explanation.

See, that is what too much foreplay is like: all anticipation without any completion. Foreplay for me has a conclusion; a result in which I am having sex. And not by myself. Masturbation is not considered a good result for foreplay.

Foreplay is meant as a warm-up to something bigger. I love a lot of foreplay, because it helps create a much deeper emotional moment for when it moves to actual intercourse. I tend to be the kind of woman that is turned on immensely by a lot of physical contact as well – kissing, touching, etc.

And foreplay also isn’t just a physical part of getting me in the mood. My husband and I (and hopefully many of you) have learned the fine art of the mind-fuck. We use our imagination to heat up each other’s libido, often using our cellphones for some day-long naughty sexting and electronic flirting.

It’s all about creating some anticipation of the moment that is surely on the horizon. But there also comes a point where my interest will wane and you might find yourself on the self-loving train to nowhere.

Andee     xoxo

Sex | Andee's Quick Six For Sex

One of the guys that emails me every now and then had asked if I would write some more sexy stuff … actually, if I would write more about actual sex. Given that it is one of my most favourite subjects, I have decided to dedicate today to some steamy, fast-paced, hike up the hem, do me quick sex.

With this in mind, I also took some liberties in assembling today’s fun because, as great as sex is, it can be a whole lot hotter when it happens in the most unusual locations … and maybe not so unusual if you are adventurous like me. I’ve picked what I consider realistic for me … you may have other ideas so feel free to share your own; I’m always game for getting some somewhere.

Andee’s Quick Six For Sex

1. The Bathroom

Normally this would rank as a “well, that’s not very unusual…” except what I mean is in the bathroom – at a party. And preferably one you are not hosting. Could be hotter if you managed to do this with, say, someone other than your traditional partner? I’m not advocating infidelity, but let the fantasy stand as something steamy, fast and almost anonymous. My kind of quickie ... with the right person!

2. The Washroom

I can never remember if my American friends call them washrooms or restrooms, but I’m thinking the office loo: slip away for a mid-afternoon interlude where he slips it out of his suit pants and under the hem of my pencil skirt. I can’t tell you how many of my own personal fuck fantasies touch on this one. The fact my husband encourages me to test my fashion sense with sexy stockings and garters hasn’t helped cool the heat here either.

3. Hotel Hot Tub

Yes, there is a certain ick factor here, because if you are busy sliding it into me while I am sitting on your lap, it probably means someone else has thought of the same thing … and I’m not sure when the pool staff changed the water. Anyway, I can’t tell you how horny it makes me when I am in the hot tub and there are people around…and then someone (ok, my husband … mostly) slides a hand down between my legs and under the seam of my bathing suit. A mixture of voyeurism, exhibitionism and hormones can be very explosive.

4. Highway Rest Stop

Sure, a bit cliché … but a lot more exciting than getting hot and bothered in the backseat on a secluded country road. Rest areas are generally busy … and patrolled. Just how quick can you draw that pistol cowboy; the sheriff might not be far behind!

5. A Walk In The Park

I love sex outdoors. There is something more free and naughty about doing it in wide open spaces. Lest we think I’m talking about the playground … there is something erotic about going for a nice little trail hike and instead of getting off the beaten track, why let me get you off! The hiking boots may not be as sexy as those date-night stilettos, but you’ll soon overlook my fashion faux pas.

6. Corridor Club

As far as I know, and I’m willing to be naïve here, this is one that seems to be fairly unique to where I live. Much like the famous Mile High Club, the Corridor Club involves two horny people getting it on in the toilet of public transportation. On the upside, some of the train cars on my commuter train have large enough space to accommodate two people in an almost comfortable quickie position – unlike airplane toilets.

Bonus:

My Best Quickie

At first I thought I would need to think about this for a long time, but there is one example of quickie sex that still stands out in my mind as the hottest so far.

During the early days of my sexual adventure, my husband and I explored the idea of “swinging” and what it might be like to find another couple to join us in the bedroom. After a bit of research, we found a lifestyle club not far from where we lived, booked our tickets for one of the dances and set about trying to calm the nerves over making the leap. We had no idea what to expect, and the days leading up to it were filled with a mixture of sexual excitement and downright fear.

FROM THE ACTUAL NIGHT

On the night in question, we headed out … and upon arrival at the club, proceeded to drive around the block a couple times to build up our courage to actually go inside. Once we did, we realized how silly all our notions had been as the club turned out to be pretty much a regular club – except everyone was so much more intriguing. There were people in just about any state of dress you can imagine. Mostly, we were riveted to this one woman with a killer body wearing nothing but high heels and a white thong. Wow, she was sexy. I was amazed at how comfortable and sexually confident she was at being so … exposed.

Watching her dance was definitely a turn-on … and then later in the evening, we sat and watched as she went down on her girlfriend at their table while the guys they were with sat back so nonchalantly. I couldn’t tear my eyes away.

Anyway, my husband and I took to the dance floor, and after a few songs, we had soon “forgotten” about everyone around us. A really sexy slow song came on, and we just kind of danced and kissed through the whole thing. As we did, my husband slipped my dress off my shoulders and down to my waist. I was there on the dance floor with my breasts complete exposed. It was exhilarating and scary at the same time.

By the time we had to leave to go home, both of us were so incredibly horny. I stripped off my panties in the front seat of the car and proceeded to finger myself to orgasm twice. I thought for sure my husband would drive off the road. Instead, he found a secluded back road and pulled over at the edge of a cornfield. Since it was summer time, and a beautiful evening, we slipped around to the back of the car and he hiked up my dress from behind, unzipped his pants and pounded me hard.

The next morning, when I went outside, I could see my hand prints on the hatch of the car … I left them there as long as Mother Nature let me as a reminder of that night. I still get a little horny anytime I have to drive past a cornfield!

Andee     xoxo

Panties | What They Say About Me

I came across this humourous article the other day, written by a man who was writing in response to an article that tried to define men by the kind of underwear they wore. Throughout the piece, he was very tongue-in-cheek about how certain styles of panties defined women because, as we all know, you can’t really define what someone’s personality is by the kind of knickers they have on.

Anyway, I thought it might be kind of fun to keep the theme going this week, as we have spent a couple days already discussing my panties. So, I opened up my panty drawer and had a look to see what different pairs might suggest about me …

Panties vs. Personality

My leopard-print thong

Out of my whole collection of underwear, these are the most recent pair to have joined my collection. I bought them to match a bra that I really wanted to get, and the store didn’t have anything sensible to match. The initial plan was that I needed something sexy that would work for some photo shoots, and yet still be practical enough for daily wear. In addition, my friend Matt had sent me this really awesome garter belt that had leopard print accents – a touch of my wild side on top of my exploring my wild side! It made sense, based on some of the naughty conversations I had already had with my hubby, so my animal instinct leapt at the chance to add them to my collection.

In the end, they are truly my panties for when I am feeling wild: they were the ones I was wearing for my afternoon rendezvous with my Office Guy!

My seamless VS bikinis

Some days I want you to notice my ass in my pants, or that sexy dress. And while you are ogling me from behind, the last thing I want in your mind is the distracting vision of my VPLs. My husband was the one who got me hooked – and hooked up – with the delight of Victoria’s Secrets, and there has been no looking back since. Some of the most comfortable yet sexy panties I have ever owned have translated into me feeling a lot more sexually confident and desirable … and willing to wear some of those sleek outfits and stylish skirts.

Who do you think benefits from that?

My sensible bikinis

Let’s be honest, a woman can’t walk around in her best lingerie every day of the week. And I know as much fantasy as you guys want to put into what we have on – or don’t have on – under our clothes, the truth is we have many days when the sensible side of our personality likes to be satisfied. Mostly in black, these panties do the job underwear is supposed to do … but are not so frighteningly ugly that should there be a need, I would not be embarrassed to reveal them. Every now and them, I might mix up that girl-next-door sensibility with a hint of red or pink or purple. A little colour is always good.

My black lace

Initially these were bought after I was prompted by my hubby for a devilish scheme he had in mind related to my flirtatious antics at work. The crazy games started a while back, when my hubby teased me about how I could drive my friend at work crazy by leaving a pair of panties for him. Yeah, great thought, but in a Bridget Jones moment, I realized that most of my “every day panties” aren’t exactly the trophy most guys might seek. So, with that in mind I found them … and kept them. They rank as one of my most comfortable pairs – and are still ready to play the role of a rear-view mirror prize should my bravery show up.

For me, these still hint at the flirtatious delight I get from those days when opportunity knocks. And like these panties, it shows that I have a sexy side, but still need to know where my comfort zone is.

My tiny t-bar

Every now and then I want to feel, dress and play the role of slut. Now, just to be clear, this does not mean putting on my naughty t-bar and a pair of low-rider jeans a la trailer trash style. No way. These tiny little panties cover just enough so that when I am wearing the drool-worthy club dress, you may just get a little flash of “barely there.”

I’m not much of a thong girl, so these are definitely the special-occasion panties – meant to come off within a couple hours of going on. These are usually accessorized with a pair of killer heels, also meant for those special occasions when they might point towards the ceiling as opposed to the floor!

Of course, the challenge for the men in my life is trying to determine just which mood they might catch me in.

I’m a lucky girl because some of them just keep adding to the selection, which keeps me feeling adventurous and sexy!

Andee     xoxo

Panties | Laundry List of Bare Necessities

Yesterday I wrote about those naughty little moments when you guys steal an upskirt peek at my panties. One of my readers asked what about the same thing sans knickers.

A few weeks ago, I did write about the few times when I spoiled the panty raids, but for the most part those were the occasions when I started out with panties and finished the evening commando. In all honesty, going without is not something that I do very often. As hot and sexy as it sounds, like so many other things in life, reality just doesn’t measure up.

But I promised I would write about the times when my free spirit has been exposed.

Intentionally Bare

A Friend’s Wedding

I had picked out this amazing LBD for a friend’s wedding and as I was getting ready, I realized just how form-fitting it really was. After trying a few different pairs of panties, I came to the realization that even my best “seamless” ones still wouldn’t cut the mustard. And there was no way I was going out with serious VPLs. With the clock ticking, I figured the only real solution was to let the dress work its magic and I went without.

My hubby, always the opportunist, spent a great deal of the day sliding his hand across my butt cheeks and trying to find the perfect angle to snap a few pics with his camera. And having his hand stroking my knee and inching up the flesh of my thighs ... later he got to have his way with me in just my heels.

A Swing Club Date

A few years ago, my husband and I were experimenting with our ideas on swinging and finding another couple that we could have some fun with in the bedroom. We arranged to meet some new friends at one of the lifestyle clubs that we occasionally go to. I picked out a nice miniskirt and sexy sheer white top – with no bra – as my outfit for the night. I figured since the bra was gone, there was no sense in wearing any panties either.

I can assure you that my husband spent an awful lot of the night with his hand up my skirt and his fingers in my pussy ... at least I think it was him! ;-)

An Almost Wholesome Date

During the early days when my husband and I were dating, he had bought me a suede skirt. He has always said how much he enjoys it when I wear a skirt or dress, and this wasn’t much different from that. Hey, if you want to see me in the stuff, why not get me what fuels your fire! It worked to his advantage, as I slipped it on for one of our date nights … and let him slip into me later on.

High School

Some crazy things just happen because I tend to be stubborn and would never back down from a dare … well, within reason. I doubt anyone ever noticed, as I was young, naughty and not willing to tarnish a decent reputation. But geez, we fucked later that day. Can’t remember if I took my skirt off or not.

My Fun Effort

Every now and then I like to remind my hubby that technically, I was not wearing panties on our very first date. As much fun as that sounds, I was far from going commando as I was wearing my bikini. We went to the beach.

My ‘Wisp’ List

Night Out Surprise

I’m not against the idea of going commando, I just need the opportunity that is going to be a really sexy and fun experience. Not too long ago, I was telling my husband that it was something that I do think about as a little ‘fantasy’ that can be easily achievable.

Now then, that said, it would be something much more exciting if I was the only one who knew about it. And it would have to be somewhere that would allow me a very lengthy night of teasing and tormenting. Starting somewhere like a romantic restaurant, and I could tease him by saying there was more fabric to the napkin than under my dress. Maybe we would go to a dance club or the casino where there would be lots of sitting (perfect upskirt opportunities), dancing (if you spin just the right way, the hem will swing just high enough) and physical contact (I want his hands all over my body once he knows)

Playing Hostess For Hubby’s Beer League Buddies

OK, not so much about having all his buddies getting a peek, but the fantasy of slipping on a sexy little denim mini – or maybe the camo skirt from this week’s Miniskirt Monday and whispering in his ear after I bring out some snacks for the guys that it’s not just camouflage, but full commando. I wonder how late the guys might stay that night?

Or maybe I would see how much I could tease all of them by hanging out the laundry on the clothesline while they’re enjoying their cold ones in the backyard. Of course, it would only be my laciest and sexiest delicates that would need to dry. Can’t have wet panties!

And since this is fantasy fun, maybe he might even have some guys on the team that aren’t your typical beer-leaguers. Some nicely-built pals that would do anything to help a girl out around the house when they visit! Like help her out of that miniskirt.

Work

Out of all the easiest opportunities, this is the one that is also the hardest for me to make the leap. It’s not just about spending the day in a flirty skirt, and perhaps doing my best Sharon Stone impression at the lunch table while my Office Guys sat a few tables away drooling onto their sandwiches. The idea of tormenting the guys is something devilishly exciting for me.

But, given my flirtations and extra-curricular afternoon back in March with my Office Guy, I also realize that doing something as simplistically naughty as going commando – one minute alone could prove to be way more dangerous than it should be. And I don’t mean dangerous in a bad way, but in such a way that physical desire might overheat our mutual ability to recognize there are certain acceptable limits in this increasingly complicated relationship we share.

I shudder to think just where the naughtiness might take us should he manage to get not just a peek, but a not-so-quick touch of my bare pussy with those long fingers ... again.

So, there you go, my not so frequent attempts to save myself some laundry ... but certainly something for a dirty mind!

Andee     xoxo

Panties | So You Wanna Have A Peek

A couple weeks ago I blogged a little about panties, and whether or not I made certain selections just for those times when I expected sex to be on the agenda. And one of my most popular blog posts has been about my particular panty strategy. It seems that a lot you like to get into my panties.

And there's probably a couple of you that I would like to get into my panties!

The truth is, I am kind of flattered. These days I pay more attention to what I wear, because there is something to be said for feel using sexy and looking sexy. I think I have also reached a stage in my life where my style is changing as I look to enhance my assets and squash the workplace boredom.

With all that talk about my underwear choices this was kind of a fun list to come up with, based on a question I was asked a while back about flashing my knickers in public.

So, where are the best places to give you guys a naughty peek? Here are  

Six Sexy Spots You May Have Seen My Panties:

1. At work

There are two kinds of office flashes: the ones where I know you are looking, and the ones when you steal a peek unbeknownst to me. The latter tends to occur during those moments when I might need to bend down and you try to grab a quick look from behind. Surprise, surprise, I know you guys do that. What won't be surprising is for you to see me doing the trailer trash t-bar. You should know by now that I'm much more of a bikini girl ... and I can't stand it when you see those women who must be flossing. Not sexy.

The intentional peeks are much more fun and these days, by far, my favourite. These are the moments when you might see me sitting very strategically in the cafeteria, the hem of my dress carefully adjusted to the right length across my thighs as I cross and uncross my legs. You might even think that I have forgotten I am wearing a skirt or dress. But I know you are looking, because when I am in the mood to tease you this way, every move is carefully planned. Of course, this is usually targeted towards a select few.

2. Behind the wheel

Another fun way to be a little playful. Pull up beside me and you might notice the hem of my skirt or dress pulled right up. Have to be a bit careful with this one though, you don't want those guys driving right off the road! There has also been a few times when, as a passenger, I have tormented my date just a little by pulling up what I am wearing and seeing how long he can a) keep his eyes on the road, and b) hold off from touching me in all the right places.

3. On the the train

A so-so one with me, mostly because the overwhelming majority of the men I encounter on the train tend to be really obnoxious perverts. I'm not all that turned on by their constant attempts to sneak a peek. You know what, buster? We're not dumb. And you're way too obvious to deserve a tease.

However, there is the odd occasion where I might intentionally sit in a particular way so that one of my handsome targets can enjoy a little panty peekaboo. I love to flirt and holding his attention becomes a very intriguing and subtle game.

4. On a date

Probably should rank a lot higher, but the majority of my dates these days are with the man who gets to see my panties pretty much anytime he wants ... and has purchased a huge selection of items in my "Just for Sex" clothing collection.

Of course, what has become a lot more fun with this particular panty flash is to show them off while not actually wearing them! Easily done by taking a moment to slip into the bathroom, remove them and then return to my date. At this point, I slip them into his pocket; or even better, into his hand while they are still warm and moist from being on me.

5. At a party

The party panty flash is basically the same as above ... although there may be an occasion or two in my past that involved alcohol and more than just one guy getting to enjoy my underpants. Maybe.

What is different from the date night knicker experience, the party panty flash is more often than not employed as a tactic to leave the party. Date nights are designed to build anticipation, make him work harder as reaching into my sexual mind or a reward for getting me horny with his charm.

6. On the dance floor

In all honesty, the last time I flashed my panties on the dance floor came courtesy of a naughty girlfriend, who lifted my skirt to flash a group of guys who were watching us from the sidelines.

Despite me wearing some brand new sex-worthy panties, the cute one never did email me ... hmm ... must have noticed the wedding ring on my finger.

Andee     xoxo

Sex | No Rhythm Method In These Songs

I almost wet myself the other day on the way to catch the train. The jocks on the morning show I was listening to were talking about a recent list, published online, about the 50 worst songs to have sex to. Some of them were absolutely brilliant, while others just made sense because they were horrible at the best of times, never mind as background to a bunch of grunting, groaning and horizontal deity worshipping.

It got me thinking about my own list. Guys have asked me before what I like to listen to when I am having sex (I’ll save that for a later blog), but there are a few songs that make me laugh and would never make my playlist for playtime.

But before I get into the individual numbers, let’s clear the air on a few that just rank on here because of … well, because:

1. Anything by Celine Dion
2. Anything by Justin Bieber
3. Anything by Alanis Morrisette
4. Anything by Nickelback
5. Anything by Gino Vanelli and/or Corey Hart

Yeah, they may all be Canadian “musicians,” but there are a lot of us up here that would love to consider them the best gifts we ever regifted to the rest of the world … meaning, you can have them. Seriously, keep them. Please.

OK, what about those little ditties that come to mind when things are getting dirty …

Andee’s Seven Songs Not For Sex

Can’t Touch This by MC Hammer

Apart from the parachute pants and funky sideways shuffle … um … isn’t the whole idea of getting down and dirty to be able to touch a whole lot of it? It seems, in my experience, that the guys I have been with have the opposite complaint: they are always wanting me to touch it … with my hands, my tongue, the inside of my ….

Don’t Want No Short Dick Man by Salt N Peppa

OK, I have tried very hard to continually reinforce the premise that size does not matter. Seriously guys, I would rather you be average and have amazing talent than hung like a horse and have no clue. And at the risk of losing my union card, there really does need to be “some” size for my personal tastes and pleasure. But at the end of the day, I don’t think any guy needs to have two angry black female rappers questioning his manhood.

Dude Looks Like A Lady by Aerosmith

I have an open mind when it comes to a lot of things. But I have never been into the idea of a man who can share my make-up and wear my lingerie. Call me choosey, but I like my men to look like men.

That Smell by Lynyrd Skynyrd

Every now now and then, I enjoy a little southern rock groove ... except when the song distinctly asks aromatic questions. Seriously, not a good inquiry in the heat of the moment.

Material Girl by Madonna

Yes, for a role-play scenario, her “Like A Virgin” can be fun … and I am of that music generation. But I don’t want my guy to be getting into the hot and heavy with me as Madge sings about diamonds, pearls and expensive champagne. Seriously, the less expensive stuff feels just as good when you lick it off my body.

I Feel Like A Woman by Shania Twain

Um, you know I have bisexual interests. Shania’s video for the song sometimes leaves me drooling right along with my husband. And there are many, many times that I have openly thought “yeah, I feel like a woman” when it comes to some between the sheets strumming. But probably not the greatest song for the guy in that moment. Wait … I might have that wrong. There could be another side to this one.

That’s Not My Name by the Ting Tings

Apart from not even qualifying as a one-hit wonder from a few years back, the repetitive “That’s not my name” from the singer might leave that hook-up as a hang-up. If you’re banging me, you damn-well better at least know my first name. Oh, and if Salt N Peppa aren’t talking about you, I might even accept you calling me by my Internet name!

So, there you go; a few songs that won’t make it on my “Let’s Get Freaky Friday” playlist. I’m sure you have your own worst songs … anything really outrageous?

Andee     xoxo 

How I Became Addicted To Your Fetish

Is it something you are growing tired of hearing about?

As you know, over the past couple months I have acquired a whole new appreciation for the very "old-fashioned" fashion of stockings and garters. I understand that when it comes to edgy style, this idea may not rank quite that high, but I am fascinated by how much something relatively not-so-cutting-edge can send men into a drooling tizzy.

I have thought, perhaps, a super-short skirt would be the thing. Or sky-high stilettos. And I'm sure those are, but when it comes to the very real workplace – you know, that crazy concept that actually pays the bills – neither of those are options for me. I don't work in fashion, nor anywhere with a brass pole. My reality is a multicultural, conservative, policy-driven environment that frowns upon overt sexuality.

And truth be told, my real-life bravery isn't even on the same map as what you enjoy here.

The amazing attention that has been bestowed on me during the times I have worn them is something I gobble up with gusto. I wholeheartedly admit that it has been an marvelous boost for my ego. My online friend Matt is mostly to blame for it all. He has been a huge supporter of mine for a long time and he is a big fan of stockings and garters. After I had taken a few photo sets with the stockings and garters Matt sent to me as a gift, my husband said "It would really be a shame if you only wore his gifts in photo updates."

From there, this part of my adventure opened up. And I suspect some might think this is no big deal, but for this slightly shy science geek, stepping out of any part of my comfort zone is an experience.

One morning, I woke up before my husband, walked into the bathroom and proceeded to get ready for my day at work. Like I often do, I had set out my outfit for the day, so that I wouldn't need to disturb him while he slept. I found a little note from him stuck inside the dress I was planning to wear, along with the stockings and garterbelt. The whole thing was worth it the moment my husband walked into the kitchen to say goodbye to me before I left for the day.

I know my husband loves me, and we have an awful lot of fun together both in and out of the bedroom, but there is nothing that can mask true lustful surprise on a man's face. It's a look that goes right to my heart and knees ... and ego. After over 20 years of being together, there aren't many times left when I can see that sincere expression of delighted shock and desire. It was like watching a kid at Christmas.

Later in the day, when I revealed my fashion leap to my Office Guy the first time, his reaction was equally incredible. To stand just a few feet away from him and do the seductive hiking up of my hem, to see his eyes light up and just stare in amazement was an amazing turn-on for me. Then to allow him to touch and fondle ... still a prominent masturbation memory.

I have never really been a big fan of hosiery. I don't like pantyhose and will muddle through a day with tights only because I have a great outfit and killer boots that require the wearing of them ... not to mention Canadian weather. But mostly, whenever possible, I have avoided the idea.

When I launched my website, I started to learn that there were a number of different fetishes that guys had; hosiery being one. Up until a couple months ago, outside of my photo sessions, I had only worn stockings on my wedding day. And even that day resulted with a round of sex.

Hosiery certainly accents a woman's legs, and the smoothness of the nylon hides any slight imperfections; leaving you with a visual distraction. However, it has taken me a while to begin to understand what it is you guys really do like about a somewhat older fashion statement like stockings and garterbelts.

Stockings, more so than pantyhose, reveal a slightly different side of a woman. These days when they are less common, it suggests she has an adventurous spirit – because let's be honest, garters and stockings are certainly not the battle-worthy undergarments that our grandmothers wore. The hint of the lace top, the peek of uncovered thigh, and the satiny band of garter that holds the stockings in place stir incredible fantasies in men, or so I'm told.

I also think that stockings and garterbelts are what take a woman from the practicality of "office attire" that pantyhose suggest to a mature playfulness. The look says she's no longer going to put on that plaid mini-kilt and pretend she is still in Catholic school, but rather she will slip on that power suit and do naughty, naughty things on the boardroom table.

Stockings are no longer an expected part of a woman's normal attire, so they seem to hold a flirtatious and salacious surprise when she does slip them on. Stockings are erotic and sensual, pantyhose are everyday.

Therapist and relationship expert Louise van der Velde tells us, "Stockings are sexy because they show a bit of flesh but not everything. I think it’s an association thing with men – they’re used to seeing ­stockings on sexy models in magazines so they trigger a response in the male mind.”

“Men find it sexier when you leave something to the imagination,” explains Joy Davidson, PhD, Manhattan-based sex therapist, author of Fearless Sex and creator of the Joy Spot videos (www.joydavidson.com). Give him a sneak peek at what you’ve got going on under those clothes by feigning an “oopsie” moment, she also suggests.

For me, as someone who has never really embraced the idea of pantyhose as something that are comfortable – and necessary – turning to this slightly outdated style has allowed me to explore a more dressy look and tease the hell out of the men in my life.

That's worth it all!

Andee     xoxo

Sex | Am I Really That Good In Bed

I think this is one of those age-old questions where there might not be a truly definitive answer, but it was something that came up recently in a conversation. And to a certain degree, it is something that I truly wonder about ... even more so because of some of the things that have occurred in my sexual adventure.

How do you know you are good in bed?

Personally, I'm not exactly sure how you would measure this. There are no academic tests with percentage results. Although if there was, I hope they didn't grade on a bell curve. But I do suppose there is no shortage of advice on how to improve your love life, between books, blogs and how to drive your man wild workshops.

And, to be honest, I have read, written and attended such love life improvers - all in pursuit of fun, excitement and curiosity.

I'm pretty lucky in that my partner frequently compliments some of the sexual talents I employ in our bedroom sessions (and other places). Apart from the importance of letting your partner know that they are bringing you satisfaction and pleasure, it's also delightfully ego-boosting to hear. Even more so if you ever want the act repeated.

But even with that regular reassurance, it's human nature to wonder about whether or not that is something your partner says because they are your partner, or if you really possess incredible lovemaking skills.

It seems almost too basic to say: if you are turned on and capable of reaching orgasm, then you must be good. Sex can be two things - selfish or rewarding. To me, being good in bed means that each moment is rewarding. Each time becomes an experience that advances and enhances the relationship, even if the actual sexual goings on at the time are complicated.

This is where two key things come into play: communication and experience.

The first one is easy. Any good relationship needs both people to be honest, open and willing when it comes to talking about all the things that stoke our fires. If you can't share your likes and dislikes, then you already face a pretty big obstacle in being good in bed. Your partner will never be able to turn the intimacy into a mind-blowing connection if they don't have any clue as to what goes on in your mind.

The second element is tougher. Most people believe that experience is something that comes down to the physical number of sexual partners one has had in life. And that's a fair assumption. But experience also comes from the constant level of intimacy you can have with one partner - and an open mind.

A penis is a penis and a vagina is a vagina. You can a 1,000 lovers and still end up with only a little experience. Sure, you will have a lot of mileage, but if the scenery never changes, what's the point. On the other hand, you can have 10 lovers and have a wealth of experience because each of you have shared on a deeper level, challenged your limits and explored the height of passion together.

Numbers don't always reveal the truth.

I have not had a lot of lovers in my life. In fact, if I was to admit the truth, you would only need one hand. But, I personally think I have a tremendous experience because of how I have been able to explore and grow from the moments that I have had.

But I have also long-wondered if I was a good sexual partner, or if my husband was just stroking my ego in return for me stroking his erection. After being with someone for over 20 years, you have already learned a great deal about each other's sexual momentum. You develop a synchronicity and almost subconsciously know what it takes to press the right buttons.

Now, that is not suggesting routine and boredom. It just means you reach the point of being on the same level with your partner.

So, where that leaves me is at the point of exploration. I am very lucky to have a husband that has allowed me to open the sexual doors outside of our marriage - with agreeable conditions - in order for me to gain an honest answer. Because I am dying to know if I am as good as he claims I am.

Andee     xoxo