TMI Tuesday | Comfort & Thrills of Sex

I always enjoy the weekly TMI Tuesday questions when they allow my imagination to run wild. This week we sneak in the back door, so to speak ... and look at the adventurous side of getting busy. In case you hadn't noticed, sex does happen to be one of my favourite subjects to blog about.

1. How do you feel about giving anal sex (penetration with penis, finger or sex toys)?

     a. I love it.
     b. I enjoy it.
     c. I’m ok with it.
     d. I don’t really enjoy it.
     e. I don’t enjoy it at all.
     f. I have never given anal sex.
     g. I have never given anal sex, but would like to.

In my relationship with my husband, the idea of me giving anal sex is a bit of a stretch, although not impossible. From my perspective, I would say I'm c), from my husband's perspective it is a somewhat rare occurrence in our usual sexual antics. I could count on one hand the number of times ... although, the last time I was on the giving end, I used a nice little vibrator that sends these delicious tingles right through you; definitely a wonderful sensation as I took his rock-hard erection into my mouth.

2. How do you feel about receiving anal sex (penetration with penis, finger or sex toys)?

     a) I love it.
     b) I enjoy it.
     c) I’m ok with it.
     d) I don’t enjoy it at all.
     e) I have never received anal sex.
     f) I have never received anal sex, but would like to start.

Somewhere in between b) and c) ... anal sex is something that I have to be in the mood for - when it comes to penetration. I find the experience something that I really need to focus on relaxing for so that I can enjoy the sensation ... and always lots of lube. However, I love anal play being included as part of sex through the use of a small dildo or vibrator. Only when those are too far out of reach will I resort to the good ol' fashioned finger. The sensation is incredible and helps push my imagination into some very naughty places. I have never made it a secret that one of my biggest sexual fantasies is to have two hard men treat every opening in my body with orgasmic enthusiasm.

3. How do you feel about getting undressed in front of a new lover, for the first time, as he/she watches you?

     a) It’s a turn on for me.
     b) It turns me on a little bit.
     c) I like it, but only because it gets him/her going.
     d) It does nothing for me.
     e) I don’t like doing it because I am shy.
     f) I don’t like doing it because I think it’s immoral/improper.

Hmm...a tough question to answer, because I can't say that the "undressing" is specifically a turn on, but rather the result of being turned on. The one thing to keep in mind is that there are millions of men out there that have already seen me naked, thanks to my website ... so, by the time I actually draw someone into my sex life, I've long gotten past any sense of reluctance to reveal myself.

Although, I do need to point out that as I have gotten older and sexually wiser, I have certainly become a lot more comfortable with my body image. Few of us - if any - are perfect. It just takes a bit of maturity to allow that to sink in and recognize flaws can be sexy because they make us unique.

4. Do you express your sexual pleasure with moans, groans, sighs, and other noises (provided that you are actually turned on)?

     a) Yes, each time I have sex (90-100% of the time).
     b) Yes, on most occasions (70-89% of the time).
     c) Yes, on some occasions (40-69% of the time).
     d) Yes, on a few occasions (10-39% of the time).
     e) Yes, but only on special occasions (1-9% of the time).
     f) Never, not even when I am really turned on.

I would have to say a) best describes me. I find it very difficult to be completely quiet when it comes to sex. Having said that, I'm also not the type that the neighbours will complain about or giggle when they see me in the yard. I do think that it is important to express the pleasure your lover is giving you, otherwise how will they ever know they are hitting the right spots.

5. Do you talk to your partner in a sexually explicit way?

     a) Talking dirty is one of our favorite activities.
     b) Occasionally, I like to talk dirty with my partner, and I do it with ease.
     c) I talk dirty with my partner, but it feels awkward.
     d) I would like to talk dirty with my partner, but I don’t dare for fear of being judged.
     e) I would like to talk dirty with my partner, but she/he isn’t into it.
     f) I don’t talk in such a way because I think it is inappropriate.
     g) I don’t talk in such a way because I can’t bring myself to do it.

Definitely b). When it comes to our sex life, depending on the intimacy of the moment, we will take our imaginations into some very erotic places with a little dirty talk. The mind is the best sex toy around, and when played with properly, it can make for some seriously hot sex.

6. What kind of animal do you most sound like when building to a climax?

     a) quiet little mouse
     b) low moaning wolf
     c) screeching beluga whale

Most of the time, I would say that I fall somewhere in between a) and b) ... in my reality, I have two young children at home and to make like an air raid siren would just not be appropriate. However, there are times when privacy is much more available, and I can really let myself go.

Bonus: Which do you prefer comfort sex or thrill-seeking sex? Why?

Comfort seekers value deep intimacy, quiet engagement and trust over time of familiar relationships. For them sex is best as a safe, loving nurturing space. Thrill seekers value wild energy, adventure and novelty; they are willing to try open relationships, testing themselves outside average sexual practices. These folks crave a place to push the boundaries of new experiences.*

*Adapted from Susan Mernit’s blog

Oh wow ... um ... almost impossible to pick, but I am going to lean towards comfort sex because it is more indicative of the intimate relationship I share with my husband. Our marriage is about that connection on a very deep and nurturing level, and it is the foundation of who we are as a couple. But, as you have been reading, the past few years have been about pushing the sexual envelope and exploring new thrills. This is an equally important experience because we have found the connection in our marriage that allows us to explore outside the traditional boundaries.

Andee     xoxo

Wish I Knew Then What I Know Now

The other day I had a chance to sit quietly and talk a bit about my current “status” with someone who knows about what is going on in my life. I always appreciate the time to open up to someone in person because, as much as I love sharing with you guys, there is something more emotionally rewarding for me about knowing there is someone not online that can be open-minded about things.

What stood out in the conversation was a small comment about “if you knew then what you know now …” in regard to being sexually adventurous, and how a lot of tend to look back on how we got to a certain point wondering how different things could have been if we weren’t so naïve and innocent.

I can’t say that there is an awful lot that I would change. I got into my relationship with my husband at a very young age, and began to explore the new world of sexual discovery in a way I likely wouldn’t have if I had not met him. I suspect my life would have been much less adventurous because my husband has been such a strong supporter of me pushing the limits and learning new things. When I do have these little chats with friends from my hometown, it doesn’t take me long to see just how predictable their lives have become … and that’s a little disappointing.

Anyway, to the point …

If there was anything I wish I had learned about sex earlier than I did, it would have to be about being more comfortable with my body image.

I know; you were probably waiting to read the graphic details about my experience with anal sex, bondage … maybe group sex. No, all of those adventures came along in perfect time for me. Some early, some I grew into as my sexual courage increased and the right opportunities presented themselves. Plus, with certain experiences, it helped to be mature and secure enough in my marriage to push the envelope beyond what many would consider “normal behavior” for a married woman.

But I wish I had a better feeling about how I looked back then. These days, when I see some of the naughty photos my husband took of me back in those early days, I think “I should have started my website then!”

Andee     xoxo

Sex | Adventures In Masturbating

The one thing I can pretty much count on when I have a date night with my husband is that it will be nothing short of sexually-charged. Even if we are going something as innocent as a coworker's wedding, the night will definitely heat up at some point.

Not that I am complaining. I know a few people who would be over the moon if their spouse would go out for a night of erotic adventure ... without them.

The other thing about our date nights is that the conversations we have are usually quite erotic. Being parents - busy parents - it's not very often that we have a few hours of adult time to enjoy and connect over the ideas that swirl around in our minds.

Last weekend, we had a date planned for a friend's buck and doe (for those not familiar, those are the pre-wedding parties couples have; somewhat tamer than stags and hen nights, and designed for couples to share in the occasion). There's a lot more to share about that night, which will come about in other blog updates, but the one thing I wanted to share in this update was about the drive home.

The whole night was quite sexually charged. Before we left the party, I slipped into the washroom and removed my panties. It didn't matter much anyway, because I was already way beyond horny. In the elevator ride down to the parking lot, my husband slid his hand under my skirt and touched my wet pussy as we made out.

On the way home, as we talked about a bunch of things on our minds and caught up on being a couple again, I put one of my feet up on the dashboard. Doing this pushed the hem of my skirt higher and left me totally exposed. I'm not sure if the couple of guys standing on the corner as we waited for a light to change could see anything, but it's not like I was going to stop playing.

As we continued along on our way home, we started talking about how I have done this a few times recently, and how much fun it was to have these kind of moments together. Then, not sure how, the conversation turned to trying to figure out where is the most adventurous place that we have masturbated.

I kind of had to dig deep into my thoughts ... and despite the "wild" and sexually-free personality that tends to come out in my blog, in the car is probably the most adventurous.

I say adventurous because pretty much all of the other places I have ever enjoyed self-loving, very few could be considered as risky and out in the open. Even the events from Monday's blog took place in a bedroom. The one time at work - because my husband left me no choice with how much he got me turned on with his sexting - was in one of most remote washrooms in the building with the door locked..

Perhaps the greatest thrill at doing this came last winter when, after attending Sexapalooza and acquiring a new sex toy, I couldn't wait to get home to entertain and torment my husband. I pulled out my new little gadget, hiked up my skirt and began to masturbate. The excitement was really cranked up with the fact that we were also stuck in downtown traffic and people were walking right past the car as I was doing this. Without question, there was a couple of other drivers that enjoyed a good show that night.

Andee     xoxo

What Can I Do Today To Make It Better

Without question, I have it pretty damn good with where I am at in my marriage right now. I have a lot of freedom to not just explore some of my sexual desires, but to openly share and discuss what goes on with my imagination and fantasies. I'm not living vicariously like a lot of people I know – people that resent their spouses and marriages for the trapped feeling they seem to endure rather than putting the effort in to make a change.

And I recognize that on here, based on the community I have kind of slid into with my blog, I am exposed to a lot of sex-positive people, couples with open marriages and wild fantasies. We’re open to share, comment, and pontificate. The same can’t be said for my real life, where I have to watch what I say and how much information I can divulge to those around me – even to some of my closest friends and family members.

But I think the amount of support, encouragement and freedom I enjoy in my sexual adventure is both a blessing and a burden. It leaves me having to explain to jealous coworkers and friends that they also have the opportunity to challenge their imaginations if they work to make it happen.

Sadly, most of them still harbour the belief that “marriage” does not fit into “adventure” and “excitement” is something “we just don’t do.”

Recently, after I had opened up about some of the more socially-acceptable experiences I have been able to enjoy with my lusting husband, my friend scoffed about her own situation – how she was beginning to get a feeling of hatred towards her spouse – and although I feel for her, some of my sympathy faded because it was evident that she felt no responsibility to correct her own problems.

I found myself asking, as I listened to her: "What is the one thing you could do today to make your sex life better?"

For me, simple: invest in more short skirts and sexy dresses to wear to work.

If you have followed along and gotten to know me, you’ll know that for the most part I’m kind of a science geek. I work in a pretty conservative and sterile environment, and it can be pretty easy to fade into the background and plod along. But, it seems I married a man who enjoys building my self-esteem and self-image up, and has worked to bring about a real metamorphosis within me.

A big part of that, outside of the emotional rewards, has been his encouragement for me to be someone who stands out and looks, in his words, drool-worthy – especially at work. And it wasn’t even about expressing my sexuality as a woman, as much as it was about adding to the overall “package.” I’m proud of being a very qualified and professional individual at my work – which has earned me a good deal of respect from my superiors. My husband’s thinking was taking what I had earned and going a little further by appearing the same way – dressing for success, so to speak.

I won’t even try to hide the fact that he did have ulterior motives – he doesn’t even try to hide the fact that he loves it when I wear heels and dresses or skirts. But, at the same time, style doesn’t need to be slutty; and dressing for success can be equal to dressing for sex if you do it right.

Naturally it took me a while to reach a comfort level with being pretty much the only one in my department that wore heels, stylish dresses and skirts. But the reactions from people around me soon became a bit of an addiction. I think everyone appreciates a compliment, but it turned me on to catch some of the men I work with taking notice of what I was wearing. It didn’t take long for that kind of attention to turn into a real aphrodisiac for me.

So, each time I push the fashion envelope at work, it seems to benefit me sexually.

I can’t say that what works in my life is going to work for anyone else, but I do know when I start to feel a little down, or not as attractive as I would like, my solution is to focus on changing the mood around me first. Once you begin to see the change in how people treat you, and can find comfort in knowing that some of it is based on sexuality, you might be amazed at how much more enjoyable getting up and going to work can be.

There will be many who think that opening yourself up, as a woman, to the attention of men in the workplace equates “sexual harassment.” In some cases they may be right … but in other situations, it’s also a case of “get over yourself and enjoy the fact you can still catch their eye.”

Andee     xoxo

Sex | The Worst Time To Be Horny

Despite the impression I may give on here and through my frequent tweets, it would be only a little delusional to think that I spend every waking hour battling with my sexual desires and thoughts. I mean, let’s be honest, it’s just not realistic. As a very normal, healthy, working Mom with a pair of exceptionally busy kids, there is an awful lot around me that inhibit those sexual distractions.

Recently, I was having a discussion with a friend about those moments when life interferes with our libidos … and just when is it the worst time to be turned on.

If you understand anything about women (in general, of course) you will recognize there is a recurring event that is not our greatest time for sexual freedom and swinging-from-the-chandeliers passion. Enough said on that …

But, realistically, there are worse times to be horny.

For me, that would be at work. And again, this is rooted in what is realistic in life. While flirting and verbal teasing can be a fun way to pass some time and release a little stress, truth be told there is very little that can be acted upon. And even if that opportunity was there, this is still my workplace.

My husband is usually the biggest culprit in getting me turned on at work. He has an incredible ability to sext his way into the heart of my sexual imagination and torment me in all the right ways. It doesn't help that he knows just what it does to me when he teases my mind in such a way ... and then continues with a day-long process of electronic foreplay/mind fuck.

There have been a few occasions where I pushed the limits on what might be acceptable behaviour for the workplace - and tempted fate by involving other people in my horny games - but mostly, the opportunity to convert that raging desire into dripping satisfaction is a big challenge. Not to mention, it's something that is truly outside of my comfort zone, no matter how turned on I might be.

I know some will offer the idea of slipping into a bathroom and employing a little finger play to find release. Naturally, I would love to have such freedom, but there are some very specific logistics that make it almost impossible to do so. Even on the occasion that I did need to bring about some sexual release, it was in a bathroom tucked away in the deep recesses of the building, and with the door locked.

The challenge for me is trying to keep my mind focused when I find myself in such a state. Truth of the matter is, I have a job to do - and it can be a very demanding job. So, to spend the day strolling around with wet panties ... that's a toughie.

Andee     xoxo

TMI Tuesday | Let's Go To Bed

Although this week's dish into my personal life isn't as sexy and revealing as others, it is kind of appropriate because I spent a lot of time in my bed this past weekend ... and I can guarantee I wasn't sleeping.

Like many people, my bedroom isn't just a place for me to lay my head and sleep. It is where a lot of my sexual fantasies are born, and where some are fulfilled. It's home to my sexual adventure and where I can enjoy my freedom. My bed is my haven for orgasmic delight, but most importantly it is the theme of this week’s TMI Tuesday.

1. What size (King, queen, full, twin)?

Currently I get my beauty sleep and repeatedly screwed by my husband in a Queen size.

2. What mattress construction (conventional springs, air bed, water bed, Tempurpedic)?

Presently, my mattress is a very traditional spring-type. Although high on my list of bedroom improvements is a pillow-top. When I first married my husband he had this horrible futon that was harder than concrete. As soon as we were able, we purchased a proper bedroom set - which continues to serve our needs today.

3. What type furniture (just a frame, headboard/footboard, canopy, trundle, etc)? Describe.

I could try to explain what my bed looks like, or I could insert a sexy pic of me on my bed. And, perhaps you'll also forgive my a tiny bit of blatant self-promotion when I say you can find out all the really naughty stuff that goes on with me and my bed by visiting my website.

4. If your bed has headboard/footboard/bedposts, have you ever been tied to them? Ever tied anyone to them? For what purpose?

Oh where to begin ... without sounding like I have only recently discovered my inner submissive after reading some poorly written mommy porn that has dominated the headlines of late.

I have been tied to my bedposts on several occasions - long before the idea became the crux of a popular book series - and pretty much always for the same purpose: sexual excitement and light bondage play. In fact, I still have my wrist restraints tucked away behind the headboard so that we don't have to re-tie them on every time we feel a little playful.

5. What kind of sheets (cotton, linen, silk, flannel)?

Pretty much exclusive with the cotton...it would be great to say I have these magnificent satin sheets, or silk sheets, but the reality is I'm not one to invest an awful lot of money on those things. Not to mention, with the amount of between the sheets fun I like to have, frequent laundering of delicate fabrics wouldn't hold up.

6. What kind of blankets (cotton, wool, thermal, electric)?

When the winter settles in, I have a nice thick cotton blanket to provide some of the required warmth ... the heat comes from having a blanket big enough to cover two.

7. What’s on top (bedspread, duvet,…)?

Depends, once again in the chilly Canadian winter I use a goose-down duvet. But since I do not have a very fancy duvet cover, usually one of a number of different handmade quilts.

8. What kind of pillow (down, foam, fiberfill)?

I have a goose-down pillow that is actually a recycled pillow from my husband; who could not get a good night's sleep with it. It is also especially handy in a pillow fight as it has some decent heft to it.

Bonus: Fill in the blank and answer question.

If certain Office Guys come over, will you let them fuck you on your bed? Yes or no.
Most definitely, but only if they are doing me ... and hubby is holding the camera.

Andee     xoxo 

What Still Makes Me Blush?

I’d like to say that I started out with good intentions to make this a Formspring Friday kind of deal, but instead I chose to go with a question I had been asked that appealed more to the Fantasy Friday side of me. That said, I don’t think you’ll be disappointed that I made you wait until Monday for a good blog update about masturbation!

This one made me think for a while – mostly because in my ongoing sexual adventure, I have become very sex-positive and more aware of some of my own kinks. I definitely know that I have grown, matured so to speak, and gained a whole new outlook on who I am and what I want from my life both personally and sexually.

What is the one thing you have done sexually that still makes you blush when you think about it?

There are a lot of things that turn me on like crazy when I think back on them; from all the new experiences at the beginning of this, through to events like this past weekend when hubby and I went out on a hot date and did some naughty things. But there is one event that still makes me blush whenever I think back on it:

The first time I masturbated to orgasm in front of other people – who were in the room, not on webcam, or anything like that.

To me, as much as I love masturbating, it still is something that I consider to be a very personal and intimate act; even more so than having sex while another couple is in the room. The idea of the webcam shows still maintains a level of anonymity. It’s just another person watching me, but not really knowing who I really am – knowing the real person behind “Andee.” But to complete the act while others are right there, watching me bring myself to that point of no return; that is kinky.

The time that comes to mind is from when my husband and I were newly experimenting with the idea of soft swapping. We had become good friends with this couple, and over a few weeks and get-togethers, eventually made our way into the bedroom for some fun and games. And despite what all those steamy porn movies would like to have you believe otherwise, sex when there are more than two people involved doesn’t always reach a crescendo at the same time …

As all these wonderful new moments transpired among the four of us, things had reached a point where the wife of the other couple made her way back to giving her husband a blowjob. As I lay there watching, I started to touch myself – almost subconsciously – because it was the first time I had witnessed someone do that in person. It was an incredible turn on. As she got more into what she was doing, I got more and more into what I was doing.

In no time, I had completely lost myself in my own sensations, put my head back, closed my eyes and continued to masturbate. It never occurred to me that what I was doing was turning them on to the point where he came in her mouth, and then together watched as I played furiously with myself. It didn’t seem that it went on for all that long, but when I finally came down after what must have been my third orgasm in the evening, I looked over to see three smiling faces.

Later on my husband expressed how surprised he was over how much I had gotten into playing with myself, and he and the other couple loved watching me bring myself to orgasm.

To this day, thinking back on that still makes me blush. I guess partly because I have not been able to repeat the act, but also because of just how intimate something like that can be and sharing it was a huge leap for me.

Andee     xoxo

How Can I Share My Fantasies ...

Without question, sexual fantasy plays a big role in my life. Over the past couple years, I have used this blog as a way to express and share them on a much more open level. Sometimes they just appear and my husband reads them just as you guys do, other times they have been discussed at great length, shared as way to heat up the action in the bedroom, and placed in a priority position on my sexual bucket list.

I’m really fortunate in that I am able to share them, explore some, and look forward to turning others into realities. My partner is exceptionally understanding and encouraging when it comes to my fantasies. Some of my adventure is a direct result of that sharing, while other parts are simply the path towards discovering even more.

At the same time, I also know that there are many people who just don’t have the same opportunity or courage to make them part of the conversation with their own partners. I don't have an answer as to why I got lucky like I did, but I know it always makes me a little concerned when I get a question like this:

How do I share my sexual fantasies with my wife?

This can be a very precarious situation. Not everyone is ready to hear about how much you want to nail that girl from accounting in the supply closet, or you want to frolic in the pool house at the family barbecue with her sister.

My own advice starts with getting to understand her perspectives on sexual fantasies. Does she have any that she is open to sharing with you – even if they are far-fetched or simplistic? I tend to have fantasies that kind of fit into both. I have no problem describing exactly how I want a number of threesome/foursome/moresome fantasies to play out, but at the same time count being photographed in a romantic embrace with my husband in front of the Eiffel Tower as a fantasy. The point being, if it’s something she desires but just hasn’t happened yet – that can be a fantasy.

Understanding what motivates her libido and eases her imagination into overdrive is really important when you want to have a conversation about what goes on between your own ears. Can you say that she has the confidence in knowing that you wouldn’t react with jealousy if she dished on what fuels her libido when her mind wanders?

It's also important that both sides of the conversation completely understand that a fantasy is simply that - a little brain candy with no direct impact on the affection you feel for your partner. Just because you have those thoughts doesn't mean you want to act on them.

"Make sure you have a mutual understanding of each other's objectives. Are you doing it simply to learn about what each other's private sexual thoughts are, or are you creating a menu of the type of sexual activities you want to try?" says Wendy Maltz, MSW, sex therapist and co-author of the book Private Thoughts: The Power of Women's Fantasies. "How the information in the fantasy is shared is critical to whether or not it ends up being productive for the couple."

From my not-a-sex-expert point of view, the first thing is to open the doors to the sharing. A romantic dinner, a long walk or even one of those Sunday country drives may provide a non-threatening atmosphere in which to start the conversation. Sometimes trying to pry open the sexual fantasy barn door while in the bedroom can imply that there are conditions attached to the sharing; as in, are you trying to turn your partner on with this talk?

Communication is always the key ...

"Don't expect your partner to figure out what turns you on. Tell your partner. That's all part of the fantasy," says Cheryl McClary, PhD, JD, professor of women's health at the University of North Carolina-Asheville.. "Ask yourself, 'What's going to make us start giggling again? What used to be sexy and fun? Life's too short to wait for your partner to figure it out."

A New Twist On My Panty Strategy

Earlier this week on Twitter I made a promise that one of the days I would have a little bit of fun and head to work “commando.” It was something that, once again, came from my brilliant ability to pick the winning side of some bets. I’m still not going to disclose exactly what day that will be, other than to point out that other than today, there are only two work days left. Naturally that will give everyone a bit of time to use their imagination and ponder the prospects … but when you get right down to it, we’re all naked under our clothes!

When I posted that silly little comment on Twitter, one of my followers sent me a question on the subject of crotchless panties, and if they were something that I wore. And since I have very little shame over where ideas come from that I can turn into something for everyone to read, I thought, “hey, I should blog about that!”

The easy answer is to the question is: no.

The long answer is much more intriguing for you, I’m sure. After all, you guys really seem to enjoy the ideas around my panties and the thought that goes into my personal panty strategy. (Just so you know, as I am writing this, I'm wearing a comfortable red pair with a lace waistband.)

I guess, other than for some visual fun, and maybe a photo update or two on my website, I can’t really grasp the purpose in having crotchless panties. From a woman’s perspective, they are not practical for a big part of the reason why we wear panties in the first place. From a style perspective, I’m not sure why I would go to the trouble of trying to convince you guys that I was wearing panties when it is way more entertaining to mess with your minds as you try to figure out if I am actually wearing any. I guess unlike some women, I don’t mind if you want to stare just a little bit longer as I walk by, knowing full well you are looking to see if there are any visible panty lines.

But I will also be honest with you; I invest a great deal of thought into what I slip into most days. Having sexy panties and bras are one of my true vices, and I feel that much sexier when I know that what is under my clothes is something you would enjoy seeing. Now, having said that, don’t assume that I am also one of those women that go around making sure there’s enough visibility hanging out for you to see. No, I prefer that you work it out in your mind, or at least hurt your neck trying to sneak a peek up my skirt or down my top.

Occasionally, if you’ve been good, I might relent just a little and uncross my legs slowly enough to tease, or sit at a precarious angle that does not allow my hem to hide my traditional aura of mystique.

Back to the crotchless idea though … I suppose one of the benefits might be the access they promise. Perhaps they are more useful in the situation when I am wearing a garter belt? I haven’t tried, but let me assure you that, in spite of the sexual heat stockings and garters can bring to the day, they do pose some logistical challenges when nature calls … or when you might want to slip into that certain secret spot and allow for some better access to all the sensitive parts with greater ease. It’s not always the most comfortable situation to have things yanked to the side, if you know what I mean.

Anyway, those are my thoughts. I would love to hear from anyone that has some better insight to offer … because who knows, I might be willing to give them a try too!

Andee     xoxo

TMI Tuesday | Pain & Humiliation

Unless you have been living in a straw shack in the forest for the past few months, you'll know that it's been virtually impossible to escape the literary phenomenon that is Fifty Shades of Grey. The book, and you already know my take on it's literary value, has dominated conversations from coast to coast and beyond – plus raised a new interest in people exploring their sexual fantasies.

For me, personally, the book did provide a pleasant distraction from the realities around me ... but I also tend to be a voracious reader and power through a book in a matter of days. I can't say the subject matter in the E.L. James trilogy changed my mind about the world of submission and domination, but it wasn't completely uninspiring for a few fun experiences in the bedroom – and a new set of wrist restraints from my hubby.

Anyway, in keeping with those thoughts, this week our TMI Tuesday theme touches on the world of bdsm, pain, and humiliation ... a la Fifty Shades.

1. I enjoy the idea that my partner want to inflict pain on me that:

    a. Makes me curious

    b. Is titillating and sexually arousing

    c. That leaves me screaming and/or crying because that’s the way I like it

If any, I would lean towards b), titillating and sexually arousing. I think I’m just a little beyond the “curious” stage in my sexual experience – which has also firmly placed me in the category of not being someone who gets off on any kind of sex act that involves screaming in pain or crying.

I think a consensual level of restraint and force can be erotic and exciting … perhaps a hint of spanking harder than a love tap, biting in the right spots and the right moments. One of my more popular videos – Sex Toy Punishment – hints at forced, not-exactly-consensual sex. And not that long ago, I blogged about my fantasy to be “forced” into sex; but right now there are some issues with my partner in fantasy crimes over his beliefs on being aggressive in such a fashion. Most days his thoughtful and gentlemanly nature is a virtue … but there’s the occasional day I wouldn’t mind him being a forceful sexual deviant. Just for fun, of course.

2. Do you like being forced to dress or act in a way that is humiliating? If yes, please describe. If no, why not?

Humiliation has never been anything of a turn-on for me. Outside of my sexual adventure and the fun stuff I escape to on here, I have spent the better part of my oldest son's academic life dealing with continued bullying. And when you see just how much the actions of others can tear another person down for no reason other than to make themselves appear better, you recognize that nothing positive comes from it. So when I see someone who is being subjected to verbal abuse, degradation and ridicule – even in the realm of sexual excitement – it upsets me terribly. In my own personal space, sex is meant to build someone up; to boost their confidence, share sense of intimacy and stoke the fires of passion and desire. So, with that in mind, to erode someone’s self-esteem at the expense of some twisted sexual game has just never been my thing.

3. Do you like seeing bruises, scars or marks that were caused during sex on either you or your partner? What kind of marks?

Along the same lines of emotional pain, physical pain is just not a sexual delight for me. Even as a teenager, I always found the “badges of lust” such as hickeys to be a little off-putting. Thankfully I never really dated anyone that found them to be part of the “rites of passage” in youthful passion.

Personally, outside of maybe the occasional mishap, and one time when the handcuffs were too tight for too long, the only sexual marks I can think of that had any lasting visibility was some rug burn … on my knees … use your imagination from here on in.

4. Would you liked to be forced to do sexual things that you don’t necessarily like to do? Yes or no?

I think it all depends on the situation, and to the degree of “sexual things.” Is it something that is going to challenge the limits of my relationship and trust with my partner? Then no. In reality, my mind has to be into the whole moment – even with some of those things that don’t rank high on my list of orgasm-inducing interludes.

5. Do you want to be forced to watch your lover with someone else? Yes, no, or it depends.

I think this is probably one of the kinky areas of my sexual psyche that I am willing to explore and accept quite openly. The downside is that it wouldn’t be all that “forced” because I would love to see my husband with another woman. And having said that, I am extremely confident in saying I don’t have to worry about being forced to watch him with another man – neither of us are into the male-on-male scene.

I have a fun fantasy about being restrained in a chair set beside the bed and only being able to watch as he and another woman have sex. I get exceptionally turned on by the idea of watching him do all kinds of naughty things to her, and her doing all kinds of naughty things to him … maybe every now and then they stop doing what they are doing and force me to have a taste or one of them gives me a wet, deep tongue kiss right after they have been giving the other person some oral. Yowza, serious masturbatory moments in those thoughts.

6. What dirty (sometimes inappropriate) things do you like to say to your sexual partner?

I can’t honestly say that our sex talk goes anywhere particularly inappropriate. We both love to mind fuck with each other while we are in the moment, but more times than not, it involves the sexual fantasies we have shared openly with each other. Name calling is very rare – again because we both view sex as being something to build up each other, and to recognize the passions, desires and naughty thoughts we have. It’s just never been our thing to degrade or belittle just for the sake of taking the sex to a raunchier place.

BONUS: Finish this statement: I like being powerful in bed because it reminds me that I can be a sexual equal; and that there is nothing wrong with being a woman who enjoys being something more than the recipient of his sexual interests.

Andee     xoxo

Healthy Investigation ... or Snooping

I have never really been one who got into the whole celebrichef trend. As someone who thinks the kitchen is just a practical room, the appeal of most food shows and the larger than life personalities these people force themselves to put on just isn't for me. I mean, when I see the commercials for certain popular chefs, and you see their ranting, raving and swearing at their staff, it just reminds me of all the bullying idiots I've had to endure in my own career. Not cool.

But the other day, I found something about British chef Jamie Oliver that touched off a bit of a firestorm ... it was a story about how his wife of 12-years routinely checks his e-mails, cell phone and Twitter account for signs of infidelity. And then, in the interview with the press, she claims that while he believes her to be a "jealous girl" she sees herself as a "laid-back" individual.

Seriously?

Now, I don't know Jamie Oliver. I probably could distinguish between him and the other British chef, because I think Oliver uses a lot less profanity when talking to his employees ... I think. But I do know that whether you are a world-renowned sandwich artist or a somewhat anonymous broom pilot, having your private communications subject to investigation is not a sign of a healthy relationship.

Yesterday, while my hubby and I were having our morning coffee together, we got on the subject of trust. And in our relationship, without question, there is an awful lot of trust. That is what makes it strong and our connection deeper than some of the relationships we see around us. At the same time, as my husband explained, we also tend to push our trust to the limits that not an awful lot of people would dare. That's not to say we cross the line, but recognizing that in our current sexual adventure, things are happening on a somewhat regular basis that require a whole serving of honesty.

My husband explained that in relation to my current relationship status with a certain Office Guy, all he could rely on for those hours that I am at work and in close proximity to one of my objects of desire is trust. I continually reassured him that, given our outlook on what we want from this adventure, there was little need to worry.

But I'm not naive enough to think that his concerns and fears are not legitimate, no matter what I say in response.

The marvels of all that rest in the simple fact that our trust grows when we have these conversations - because through them we are actually being open with each other and communicating. Couples are supposed to talk to each other and work on building something stronger, not just settle into a routine of quiet doubt. For us, healthy investigation into what is going on when we are apart comes from these couch talks over coffee because rarely does anything positive come from secret surveillance.

Someone in the Jamie Oliver article said that assuming your spouse is cheating is one way to guarantee that they will. I couldn't disagree more; assuming your spouse is cheating and investing all that energy chasing shadows takes away the opportunity for intimacy with your spouse - and robs you of those precious moments when difficult questions can be discussed like adults.

Andee     xoxo

TMI Tuesday | Fill In The Blanks

Hey guys, kind of a crazy week for me. Now that we're into the heart of vacation season, our already under-staffed, over-stressed department is even shorter on resources; so forgive me if my updates this week are a little sparse.

I know for me, outside of the grind that pays all the bills, summer is one of my most favourite seasons. I love lounging around in the sunshine, enjoying some beach time and more than a few fruity drinks with friends around the campfire on weekend nights. These days, given how busy my Little Men keep me with their own summer activities, those moments are even more precious.

But despite the insanity that is my schedule, I couldn't let Tuesday slip by without another TMI Tuesday entry.

Complete the sentences by filling in the blanks.

1. I could spend all day lounging on my deck but couldn’t stand five minutes on one of those buses you see from distant foreign lands with 100 people packed on them .

2. I would love to have a robot in my house to scrub my bathtub because no one else ever does.

3. The older you get the more sarcastic you get.

4. I want to have experienced my threesome when I have reached my 40th birthday .

5. My appetite for sexual experimentation and exploration can never be satisfied.

Bonus: If I were a hoarder, I would hoard sex toys - a girl can never have enough good quality sex toys to play with.

So, there you have it, another TMI Tuesday. Hope everyone is enjoying their summer!

Andee     xoxo

Trying To Define 'Sexy'

What is “sexy?”

In broad terms, it has to be something different for everyone. What turns my head is different from what turns my husband’s … and the same with people’s libidos. What gets one person all hot and bothered may turn off someone else.

For a lot of people, the idea of what is sexy can be defined as a style and attitude, combined with a strong sense of confidence. For others, it is as simple as a look. Mostly, sexy is personal and sometimes very hard to define. Clothing can be sexy, and yet naked can be sexy. Intelligence can be sexy … knowledge can be sexy … innocence can be sexy.

There are so many variables in defining 'sexy.'

Sexy, for me, is mostly an attitude and approach to life. There are specific things that I believe contribute to “sexy” – such as certain outfits, actions and words – but overall, these are things that inspire the attitude within me to feel “sexy.” A dress can make me feel “sexy” on some days and “frumpy” on others. Sexy can be very complex, or very simplistic, depending on my overall frame of mind and willingness to be expressive, confident and slightly extroverted.

Recently someone asked "when do I feel most sexy." A tough question, because there are many different variables involved – including occasions when I consciously set out to create the opportunity. Overall, there are a few factors that help create the perfect mood in me:

1. When someone who is not obligated to make a comment, compliments me.
Husbands, boyfriends, fathers, mothers – they are all supposed to tell us wonderful things about us. That’s what family and lovers are there to do, boost our morale and our egos, and be our personal champions regardless of our shortcomings … among a lot of other things. They have a sense of obligation to be supportive.

What really makes me feel sexy is when I have made an effort to present myself in the best physical and emotional spirit of the day, and someone not directly associated with my family life notices. For example, if I have planned a particular outfit for the day, and have gotten my mind into the idea of playing a flirty distraction, I get a huge boost when the guys at work play along with me. It’s a great boost when I catch them looking at me, notice the twinkle or even the slight raising on an eyebrow in approval.

It’s also knowing you won’t be overly judged for your demeanor and appearance; that somehow they expect nothing less from you but to be that vision of confidence and desire. It might be the slight hint of vanity, but as a woman, I enjoy it tremendously when I get an unexpected compliment from a man (and the occasional woman). Even more so, when you begin to understand that you still have the sexual attraction to turn someone’s head.

2. When someone has made an honest and concerted effort to boost my ego without being prompted.
I think everyone would agree that when you feel good about yourself, it is a lot easier to let your sexy attitude emerge from the shadows.

3. When I catch a man checking me out.
Of course this has to come with a disclaimer, in that there are occasions when being the object of some guy’s random ogling can be a bit unnerving. What I am suggesting here is that, when I have put forth an effort to try to appear attractive, alive and vivacious, it’s a very sexy feeling to catch a guy giving me the double-take in the hallway.

Again, this goes right to heart of the matter of when a woman begins to feel she is passing her prime, the boost we get from discovering that men still want to take notice. For me personally, I refuse to surrender to the attitude that a woman needs to “settle.” I want to put in the effort to look nice, to feel good about myself and, without a doubt, feel like I could be the object of someone’s desire – someone that isn’t already on my radar as such, like my husband. And then, it doesn’t hurt to keep his interest up as well – because, apparently, competition for a woman’s attention can be very motivating for a man. And I like sexually motivated men!

4. When my husband invests a huge amount of time flirting with me in whatever way he can.
By far, the biggest reason I feel sexy is when my husband puts in an effort to make me feel good about myself. And this is always about those times when I am dressed up, or teasing him back about the guy who I caught looking through the glass door in the cafeteria the day I wore a certain dress to work, etc. This is about when I know he is thinking of me in all the right ways – and letting me know that he is.

5. When I see that look in my lover’s eye that tells me they are “lost” around me.
Maybe this is more about the sexual power that comes from knowing that in that moment, when I can see my lover become a drooling, sexually aroused mass of putty in my hands, I can have my way exactly as I want it.

6. When I slip on that dress and those shoes.
Like all women, I have a go-to outfit that I know will produce all the attention I want for that moment. It used to be this great black top and little skirt with a pair of funky boots … and then my brown button-up with a suede skirt and boots. These days I have been incredibly spoiled by a husband that works very hard at making me feel sexy. Part of that has been his sense of fashion and encouraging me to break out of my somewhat conservative/casual routine. I now have a few different dresses that I know when I slip them on, he will give me that certain look which sends a flutter right down to my pussy … and then ship me off to work where I know the guys will spend a good part of their time treating me like a delightful distraction.

More times than not, I usually end the day lying on my back, sweaty and naked listening to my equally sweaty and naked husband saying, “That’s what you get for dressing up like that for work” and “You are so naughty for teasing those guys like that.”

Uh huh … you know it!

Andee     xoxo

Random Thoughts For My Southern Friends

While I'm slaving away at work today, I know my friends south or the border will be enjoying their annual celebration of Independence. Although I shouldn't complain, we had our national holiday on Monday and I'm off on Friday.

For almost two years, you have followed my antics, fantasies, and adventures. You've been with me as I  opened the door wider on my bisexuality, and when I opened the door to an experience with a man other than my husband. I have tried to invite you into my world and share as much as possible, and have loved the connection I have made with everyone who has reached out, commented and jumped on the Andee bandwagon.

I'm very fortunate that I have had the support of my husband in everything that has come about from this. To know I have the opportunity to explore and experience a wealth of sexual desires, and test the limits of what most couples would consider beyond the boundaries, has been an incredible gift. It has also been a huge boost to my self-esteem and opened my mind and imagination to a wonderful world of sexual enlightenment.

So as I reflected on this, I started to think of some of the things that "independence" means to me. I know some of you will be celebrating in a political sense, but I'm offering a four thoughts from a personal and intimate sense for your Fourth of July. I hope you enjoy it.

• Being a woman. Not just being a member of the female gender, but being a woman, free to express my own thoughts, sexuality and sensuality. There are women around the world that are captives of repressive ideologies and closed-minded cultural beliefs. I'm free to think for myself, express myself and stand for what I believe in.
• Being a partner. I love being a wife to my husband because it is never a "stereotype." I'm married to my best friend, my equal and my soul mate. He puts me on a pedestal far too often, spoils me incessantly and treats me with respect and dignity.
• Being a sexual being. The freedom to continue producing my website and exploring a wide world of sexual thrills, desires and kinks. I love that I can share my deepest, naughtiest fantasies without being judged - and often being encouraged to actually pursue them.
• Being a flirt. A little in line with what is above, except flirting doesn't have to be anything sexual. In fact, the best flirting leaves more to the imagination than anything else.

I know there is so much more to being independent, but as much as it can be about what our political beliefs include in the West, it can also be extremely personal. I hope all my friends, American or not, can enjoy a little independence in their lives.

Andee     xoxo

TMI Tuesday | Public Spaces

Here's to a short week, and another TMI Tuesday! As you know, each week our friends at the TMI blog bring us a list of insightful questions so that we can share our answers with those who want to know.

1. Have you ever shared sleeping accommodations with someone of the opposite sex without anything steamy happening?

I'm going to take this as meaning someone other than my spouse; because as much as I would like you to believe I'm getting it every single night, we all know that is not very realistic. There are a lot of nights that we spend together when nothing steamy happens, but that is the real life side of me.

In order for me to come close on this one, I would have to go way back to my late teens when I was away at a leadership conference for school. A large group of us all kind of piled into one of the residence rooms at the college campus and camped out for the weekend. Strictly platonic setting for me, but I'm sure there was hanky-panky for some that weekend.

2. Have you ever streaked, flashed, or otherwise partially or totally exposed yourself in public before (or after) an informal, unofficial gathering of people?

Not sure if dancing topless at a swingers club qualifies as doing this...but I have not flashed my tits at anything like Mardi Gras or some outdoor rock concert. I'm pretty sure I have mooned a crowd of friends before, but can't think of a specific example at the moment. I am very interested in trying something like a nude or topless beach at some point in my life - and the sooner the better.

But, when I already get naked and a whole lot more on the Internet, I kind of find the idea of flashing a little bit on the "yeah ok" side of things. The tease is in the moment, but my mind would need to be very much in the moment.

3. Have you had dates with multiple people in the same weekend (or consecutive nights or the same night) while not all of your dates were aware of your actions?

No. I have been with the same man since I was 16 years old. For the most part that has taken me out of the dating pool.

4. What is the most “romantic” you have ever gotten in a movie theater?

Typical teenage making-out. With the cost of going to the movies around here, you don't dare use it as an excuse to do anything but watch what you paid to go and see. Not to mention, the new set-up at these multi-plex cinemas mean there is a lot less seating in each theatre, so they tend to be a bit more crowded. And the seating has been designed to make it comfortable for watching, but with the drink holders/popcorn stations on the arms now, you can barely hold hands never mind do anything naughty. These days we don't go to see an awful lot of movies, but tend to wait for them to come out on DVD and then rent them.

5. Have you ever had sex when you knew a non-participating adult was watching?

Hmm...in a way, yes. My husband and I used to play around a bit with another couple. For the most part, it was soft swap and then having sex with your own partner. Given there were four of us all on the same bed, going at it at the same time, it was highly erotic to watch each other. I'm a huge voyeur and it is something that really turns me on when there are other people in the room.

In addition to that (and I'm sure you're getting bored of hearing about it), my rendezvous with my Office Guy was a moment where my husband watched as my friend and I performed oral sex on each other. Also a massive turn-on for me. Not only did I get the opportunity to turn a fantasy into reality, but the fact that I was able to do that openly in such a way was an incredible gift from my hubby.

Andee     xoxo

Thoughts On A Sexy Sunday Morning

Before I get too deep into this, I need to openly confess that this is a question that I borrowed from my blogging friends Jack and Jill at Frisky in the 916. You should check out their blog for a very intriguing blend of sex blogging and erotica.

This past Friday, they had answered a question on "Have you ever wanted to try something sexually but haven't? What is it and why?"

I found the question rather appealing, because for me it touches on: a) my favourite subject and, b) isn't necessarily about traditional fantasy, but alludes to a moment or opportunity that was there at one time and passed.

For me the answer is a bit of a Part One and Part Two response. There are two equally lust-worthy thoughts that come to mind when thinking of this.

In my experience, I have had come very close to fulfilling my desire to have a threesome a few different times. When my husband and I first dabbled with the idea of swinging, we met a couple that became good friends and shared our willingness to explore and experiment. The wife in the couple was the subject of my Friday blog.

And while we played around with this couple, we had all agreed that taking the fun to a full-swing situation was not where we were at emotionally at the time. We still had a lot of curious thoughts we needed to work through without pushing the limits too quickly. Fun is fun, but not at the expense of regret and damage to a marriage just because the alcohol-induced courage is a little higher when sexually stimulated.

Along those lines of achieving my desire for a MFM also sits the more recent Hotel Rendezvous with my Office Guy. The stage was definitely set for some incredible sexual adventure, but again the moment needed to develop in a nature way. My husband and I had agreed that, in the heat of the moment should my experience with my Office Guy reach the point of no return and having him give me a good, hard fuck, I would be allowed to enjoy it all - as long as I followed the appropriate rules of safe sex. In hindsight, I'm not sure how capable I would have been at rolling a condom onto his hard cock ... but everything played out in such a way that the oral sex we shared proved to be the pinnacle of the experience ... and hopefully opened the door for more exploring down the road.

The second part that comes to mind in this question goes back to the time when I was so close to answering my bisexual curiosities, but couldn't because my lustful partner and I had indulged just a lot too much that night. If you are a long time reader of mine, you will remember the blog about the weekend I spent at a work-related conference with a female coworker. At that time in my life I was just beginning to explore my sexuality in a bigger way. My husband had encouraged me to be more open about my desires, my fantasies, my sexuality and I was definitely enjoying where the path was leading me.

The details of the whole experience can be found in this entry - Bisexuality | When It All Came Out. But to finish my thoughts here, the moment I would love to have back is the chance to complete that flirtatious and tormenting evening with what I really wanted to do: fulfill the opportunity for a passionate night with her; no husbands, just her and I alone naked and not as drunk as we were on the night when it could have all come together.

Andee     xoxo