Relationships | More Trashy Advice

At break yesterday I was reading one of those trashy women's magazines that seem to make their way to the staff lunch room when their purpose has expired. It’s usually in these dog-eared rags that I find all those quirky and crazy little stats that I throw up on my Twitter page in an effort to amuse and astound.

In this edition, there was an advice column from one of those so-called "relationship experts." A reader sends in a typical relationship-type question, and the “expert of the month” provides insight and advice … usually the kind of stuff our girlfriends used to dish out in the high school washroom. Often it makes for some good banter among my table mates, as we giggle about the subject and our take on it.

In this column, the writer was asking what it meant by her husband continually looking at other women. The reason this rings so true with me is because it's a topic my husband and I continually discuss. Having said that, I also recognize we are the kind of couple that would drive a "relationship expert" like these ones over the brink. Pretty much every rule these so-called professionals expect couples to follow we have thrown out, twisted, bent and manipulated for our own devious pleasure. Our happiness and togetherness is not influenced by some all-encompassing moral standards that “relationship experts” in trashy women's magazines recommend.

To her credit though, this expert pointed out that we are humans with an instinctive curiosity about others. Personally, I like to see it as a healthy dose of voyeurism. Without question, we each have unique tastes and appeal, so when in social settings, it can be quite natural to “people watch.”

Then the good stuff all falls apart; the expert goes on to talk about her own past relationship with a man she referred to as "The Ogler." OK, you lost me right there – can you say "personal agenda." She has clearly indicated that she has her own deep-rooted – and potentially jealous – bias underlining any advice she has to offer on this subject.

For me, the writer’s issue is more about the exclusion of the partner in the natural habits of the other.

Maybe I'm the strange one for hoping I am one of those women that attracts a man's attention. I certainly invest enough effort into being a bit of a distraction and it would be disappointing to discover it was all a figment of my over-active imagination. At the same time, I can appreciate why my significant other likes to look at other women – heck, I like to look at other women! Does this suggest he is seeking a replacement for me? I doubt it ... because we don't misinterpret each others' "people watching" as a threat to our marriage.

The key, in my definitely-no-expert opinion, goes back to the one topic I continually harp on: communication.

The woman asking the question obviously has some jealousy issues, or feels threatened by her husband’s noticing of other women ... which seem to indicate deeper problems in the relationship than just noticing a "hot babe" at the next table. It appears they are just not able to express a part of themselves in a marriage that needs to be nurtured more than one's ability to balance a chequebook or mow the lawn.

The emotional passion and desires need to be in bigger focus than anything else. I don't know about you, but it's not the material things that fuel my relationship with my husband ... it's knowing who he is, his desires, lusts, passions, ambitions, dreams and fantasies that make up a core part of it. If I know and am in tune with all that, then we sail through the moments of economic recession, mortgage re-negotiations, bills, etc.

Then, of course, we are able to relish those more "sexually charged" moments when his (and my) gaze is turned to a stunning set of legs in a short skirt. I say that because, truly, we both appreciate that. I also know him well enough to say he would never be distracted by a set of tight buns or rock-hard abs on a fit guy at the beach … but he doesn’t dwell on me taking a moment to enjoy the view.

The expert says this woman "must not tolerate" her husband's ogling any longer – clearly suggesting something akin to a showdown at the OK Corral. Like that will turn out positive.

Do I have an answer? Not really, other than if you can’t talk to your spouse about something as natural as admiring the human form, then you should expect bigger issues on the horizon.

Oops! I have to run. The really hot EMS guy just showed up!

Andee     xoxo

 

Fantasy | 500 Words on Fifty Shades

Recently, I have been getting my Grey on … as in reading the bestselling trilogy Fifty Shades of Grey. I won’t get into the debate over the literary reviews the series has received … because, quite frankly, too many people are making too much of the books.

Yes, they are quite graphic. No, they won’t rank among the best literature ever produced. But I’m not sure that’s what is intended anyway. The books are meant to entertain, amuse – maybe fuel the libido a little – and provoke questions in the minds of the readers. They are not meant to rest upon a shelf beside Hardy, Hemingway and Shakespeare.

The books delve into the sexual kinks of the two main characters, and the lead male’s particularly fondness for BDSM. The young female, inexperienced in sex, struggles with the dominant/submissive lifestyle – which makes up for a whole chunk of the plotline between the two. Unlike others of the same genre – delightfully labeled “mommy porn” by those aspiring novelists working at newspapers across the continent – Fifty Shades reaches a deeper into the sexual psychology between characters.

One of the successful elements author E.L. James has touched on is that slightly over 1/3 of women have fantasies of being dominated by their partner. That I find more intriguing …

In a 2011 survey, 35% of women listed “being dominated by a boyfriend/husband” as their number one fantasy.

I can’t say the idea ranks as my top fantasy, but I am certainly intrigued.

One of the biggest challenges for me would be the surrendering of control enough to be considered a submissive; but I am also now sure that I am particularly suited for a dominant role either. In my real life, I find a balance between the two. I’m also not particularly into “role playing” for sex, although I have certainly tried it.

While the real aficionados will say that this is not so much about role play, but about bringing forward those repressed desires, I see it as something beyond what my imagination is ready for at this point. I don’t know if I really have any “repressed desires” that involve submission. And sadly, I think the “repressed desires” I have on the dominant side don’t involve using those floggers in a sexual way. Let’s set those aside as “occasional homicidal desires” for when certain bitches want to interfere in my life.

I suspect most women, when they are suggesting this is their biggest fantasy, have the idea of light bondage in mind: being tied down with his silk ties, being teased while blindfolded and hearing him describe really naughty things as he torments her physically. The idea of trustingly surrendering control – even though it may be just the binding of our hands – is the titillation. I don’t imagine in this survey, a St. Andrew’s cross is what they really have in mind.

For me, an idea to be explored … perhaps? Maybe my own brilliant Fifty Shades of Andee for some bedtime reading!

Andee     xoxo

 

TMI Tuesday | It's Just A Fantasy

This week's TMI Tuesday just happens to be about one of my most favourite subjects - sexual fantasies. And while there is so much more I could dwell on when it comes to my deepest, darkest, kinkiest thoughts, I think you will enjoy some of the ideas I share in this week's entry: 

Your lover is turned on by forced feminization; do you participate (giving or receiving)? 

*forced feminization is the practice of enforcing activities on a male, which are typically associated with women, to make him submissive. For example: wearing lingerie, heels, make-up. 

No. I tend to have an exceptionally open mind when it comes to all things sexual - but at the same time I am very honest with my partners about the kind of things that turn me on and what I am willing to try. Some of why this does not appeal to me is the fact that I am not a very dominant person when it comes to sex ... and I'm not that certain I am all that intrigued with the idea of "humiliation sex" either. Add to that there is the fact that I have never found anything that ignites my imagination in the idea of cross-dressing. Fun for Halloween or old-fashion British pantomimes, but not one of those things I like in my bedroom. 

When you have sexual dreams/fantasies that are aggressive or cruel, does it worry you? 

They used to, but because I wondered if I was "normal." Once I figured out that my personal view of "normal" is more important to me than any kind of moral standards a collective group tells me is "normal," I stopped worrying. But also because I generally don't have any outrageously aggressive or cruel sex fantasies (fantasies of what I would like to do to a couple overly judgmental and interfering individuals, yes ... but those border on homicidal versus sexual). As you have read, my fantasies tend to border more on the idea of adding someone to my sex life. However, I also admit to being curious about something a little more edgy ... perhaps trying a bit more in the bdsm area. 

Tell us your hottest filthiest fantasy, right now, in 100 words or less. 

This is the fantasy about your desires that you probably never share, maybe they even go against your morals, or are societal taboos. 

I am wearing the fantasy outfit for the target of my desires: a sexy dress that buttons up the front, underneath a black lacy bra, matching garterbelt and stockings that make men drool as I walk past in the hallway. I quietly enter his office, catching him a little off-guard as I lock the door behind me. Without saying a word, I reveal what is hidden under my dress, one button at a time. Finally, I let it drop to floor at his feet, after which I kneel in front of him, ready to take his cock into my mouth …

 

Which super hero would you like to have sex with? Why?

    a. Aquaman

    b. Superman

    c. Wonder Woman

    d. She-Ra

 Easy ... Superman, because he is the man of steel ;-)

There’s a hot young couple in the adjoining hotel room; do you press your ear against the wall to hear the action on the other side?

I guess if they had locked the adjoining door between our rooms ...

All kidding aside, I would most definitely listen in as they got down to business. I tend to be a voyeur and the idea of being able to listen in - once again, given that I could not watch - would be something quite erotic. Then, when all was said and done, I might just repay the favour by being a little louder than usual when it came to my turn.

Do you think the lure to live out sexual fantasies or have sex frequently is amplified by technology? Briefly explain.

In my own case, to a certain degree technology has enabled one of my fantasies to develop into a reality faster than it might have otherwise. Because my husband and I use our cellphones to continually text each other naughty thoughts, as my relationship with my Office Guy became a bit more edgy, using texts to tease my husband drew the opportunity closer. In an exchange of texts, my husband dared me to do certain things, which forced me to ramp up my flirtations. As a result, he was drawn into action faster than he might have otherwise been. Plus, I was able to connect with my husband instantly as certain events happened between my Office Guy and myself, creating something a bit like a cyber threesome. Kinky and exciting.

Outside of my own example, I do think that technology has opened the door for people because the Internet has taken away the curtains. We can see just about anything we want just by entering something into a search, where we used to have to rely on our brother's Playboy magazines hidden in the barn. This kind of technology has offered people a sense of validation for their kinks by allowing them to see others have similar desires.

Bonus: Describe your fantasy life in three (3) words.

The adventure continues.

Andee     xoxo

Flirting | A Sexy Birthday Gift

I wasn’t intending to turn this into a blog, but after a few requests for more information, I figured it made sense – plus a chance to revisit the whole experience in my mind again. I almost think I should have made this more of a Fantasy Friday, given how long it is; but let’s call it a Short-Week Sexcapade instead.

If you happen to be one of my followers on Twitter, you’ll know that Tuesday was another one of those “fun” days for me; “fun” meaning when things get a little hot as opposed to the Family Channel kind of fun. As usual, my tweets were sometimes a little cryptic, sometimes directed at specific individuals, and I tried to answer as many of your tweets along the way.

In my little game here, I have pretty clear rules when it comes to what happens at work and keeping it all hot and exciting by sharing those events through Twitter. It’s something that my husband thought up, and so you all get to be included in the adventure as well. It has also become an easy and anonymous way for some of my real-life friends to connect with the naughty side of me.

Anyway, it had been a long weekend here, and returning to work on Tuesday coincided with a certain Office Guy’s birthday. As a good friend I had been thinking what I should get for him. I couldn’t give him something practical because our relationship, with all its kinks and quirks, is not something he shares with anyone – especially his wife. I also had reservations about some of the suggestions that came from my own spouse. He tends to be a bit braver on my behalf than I really am.

I knew my day would be interesting when I noticed a couple of items my husband set out for me. I had already planned to dress up a little – but he often finds ways to add a certain “element” to that. This time I found my new hot pink bra and panties and black back-seam thigh highs that I had purchased on my birthday date set out with my dress. I guess I knew they would make an appearance at some point …

By the time I was ready to head out and catch the train, I was feeling pretty good about myself. When I know the man I have at home is drooling over how I look, it helps go a long way. After all, despite my flirtatious ways with my friend, my husband is the man I am trying to seduce at the end of the day.

The second big boost came shortly after I settled into my usual spot on the morning train, when my still-anonymous Cute Guy arrived on the scene, and happened to notice me (yes!!!!) and flash me that “I so want to kiss you” smile. OK, maybe my imagination embellishes that a little, but you know me.

The first inclination of how my workday might play out came at our morning coffee break. I had casually stopped by my Office Guy’s office at the end of my first round, just to say Happy Birthday and see how his day was going. As is his usual habit, he made a nice compliment about how I looked. I turned slightly and let him see that my hosiery had a seam that ran up the back of my leg. He asked if it went “all the way up” … and so I slipped inside the door, so not to be seen, and hiked up my dress so he could see that I was wearing thigh highs. I said “only that high up” and smiled and off I went to enjoy my break with a few of my friends from my department.

Later that morning, I happened to see him in the hall. We stopped and chatted as we usually do, and then he leaned in an whispered in my ear about how much he liked the little peek I had given him earlier … and described the reaction it had on him. I answered back that if he liked the preview, he would enjoy his gift later.

Lunch was my next opportunity to stoke the fire more. We have managed to continually – and seemingly without drawing attention – sit directly across from each other at these events. It’s perfect, in that, we don’t give away our naughty secret but we still have adequate chances to tease, torment and torture each other. For example, my Office Guy has a thing for: a) hosiery, b) feet and c) foot jobs. I know this from experience and conversation.

Tuesday was no different. While everyone was foolishly asking about work, complaining about this, that and the other thing, I was removing my shoe and then sliding my foot up the inside of his leg. As he shuffled his chair into the table – as if to lean in closer to our coworkers’ conversation – I was able to gently stroke his growing erection with my toes. However, too much of this can be torturous, so I didn’t continue for a long period of time … just enough to remind him of how much fun we can have.

Lunch continued with the usual amount of collective banter and general birthday chatter until it was time to head back and actually earn our keep.

I’m sure many of you must think that my workplace must be something like Grey’s Anatomy; but it’s not, really. It’s much worse. Actually, while you enjoy all the crazy ideas that go on in my mind, half the time I am tweeting some of the nonsense while running off to make a delivery to one of the floors, or standing in the elevator, the line-up in the coffee shop … you get the idea. Naughty multi-tasking blended with mortgage-paying labour.

Throughout the day I had been posting cryptic messages, hints, etc. for my Office Guy to read – and as designed, for my own hubby to keep up on the antics. I honestly don’t know if my friend’s hand was on his Blackberry or in his pants more often … I just wanted his imagination to be duly distracted throughout the day.

By mid-afternoon, it was getting to the point where all the naughtiness had to meet up with some action.

When I actually visit my Office Guy on non-work-related matters, I have to time my trip carefully. Raising the suspicion of some of the others in his area could be a bad thing for all parties concerned. So, when the moment arrived, I slipped into his office and quietly closed the door behind me. I think he was a touch surprised at first, because I get the sense he was honestly expecting an actual gift-wrapped package … and my hands were empty. I asked him if he was ready for his gift and he got that look on his face that is a cross between shit-eating grin and abject fear. When he said he was, I asked him to arrange his chair so that I could stand in front of him.

I placed my hands on his shoulders and leaned in. I whispered into his ear that I had thought long and hard about what the perfect gift might be. I teased him with the suggestions that my husband has shared with me that morning. Then I said if he followed the seams of my stockings all the way to the top, he would find his gift.

My Office Guy slowly made his way up the backs of my legs and under the hem of my dress. The sensation of his hands on me again, touching me in such a sexual way, sent a wave of lusty electricity through my body. I was already incredibly turned on, and this pushed me closer to the edge of surrender.

When he got to my little lacy thong, his hands gently continued across the flesh of my ass, tracing the little whisp of lace. I asked him to take my panties off of me. I have to admit, it was a very unusual sensation to have another man removing my panties in this fashion – erotic and naughty. They were soaked from me being so turned on.

I stepped out of them, and whispered to him they were his to keep as a fond memory of his birthday. He understands there are reasons why other suggestions can not materialize at this moment, without us having to say. But it is hard to ignore the intense heat that rises between us.

I couldn’t leave it at just that. This was the man who had brought me to orgasm in a hotel room less than a kilometre away from where we were now. And I needed a little something to satisfy my own urges.

I took his hand and raised it to my mouth, and sucked on his finger like I had done to his cock during our interlude only a couple months ago, and then surprising myself with more bravery than expected, guided him under the hem of my dress and to the wetness between my legs.

I allowed my Office Guy to explore me with his long fingers for a few minutes. Then, without saying much more, I took back his hand and sucked on his now wet fingers. Before leaving his office –as time is tight and we do have actual jobs to do, I gave him a deep kiss.

Later that night, after my wicked husband had me pose for some photos in my outfit from the day, I finally managed to get the much needed sexual relief – but not before having to describe every minute detail of my afternoon.

Andee     xoxo

Sex Education | What Kids Should Know

A couple weeks ago I tweeted about a little embarrassing situation that happened after my birthday date with my husband. We had spent the afternoon shopping, then off to a romantic dinner followed by a night out at the casino in Niagara Falls. He had planned the whole day as a continuous event – so I had to start by buying some new lingerie to wear that evening, followed by a dress, heels and accessories. Then, since we were not going home, I had to change into my date clothes “on the fly” so to speak.

Of course, this led to some challenges – all of which he knew it would – that saw me trying to change from my original dress into all of my new items, including the new bra and panties I had just purchased an hour earlier.

In order to accomplish all of this, I slipped into the back seat of our SUV and began to sort out exactly how I was to strip down to nothing but my wedding rings and into a whole new outfit. Fortunately I am still limber and creative enough for some back seat aerobics. Although, I’m pretty sure there were some people in the city bus that pulled up beside us at one point got a very interesting late afternoon display.

Dates with my husband are rarely boring or traditional.

I thought nothing of it as we continued throughout our plans and had a marvelous time, with some exceptionally intriguing and enlightening conversation – mostly around the subject of sex and fantasies.

The following day was much more “family-oriented” as my kids took me out for a birthday breakfast. On the way there, my youngest son passed over a pair of my thigh highs from the back seat – which I had obviously forgotten to put back into my travel bag during the previous day’s romp.

Anyway, I tweeted about the humourous little gaff, and my Twitter friend Paul asked how I explained the discovery to my son. I simply said that I am one of those Moms that is straight up with my children when it comes to subjects like dating, marriage and sex. I believe in being honest with them with they have important life questions, but I also believe in explaining it in a way that won’t leave them needing therapy later on.

And, as I explained that to Paul, he suggested I should write about why children should have a healthy perspective on sex and relationships.

I need to preface a lot of this with the fact that my children have a very traditional understanding of sex and marriage. There are several things that they do not know about, and I’m not sure I will ever be the one to explain it. For example, my website … and that my hubby and I have explored “friends with benefits” … and that Mommy also likes girls … and I have played around with a coworker while my hubby watched. You get the idea.

But even though I do believe in “tempering” what children know about sex and relationships, I do believe it is vitally important that they understand some aspects are very normal and healthy. Being secretive about “adult topics” leads children to being confused about their natural curiosities – and may lead them to seek that information from less-than-appropriate sources.

Sex should not be viewed as something dark and mysterious (until much later in life!). The challenge is always to explain it in a way that they can relate to; as opposed to be too coy or too scientific. And never with “lies.” Unless you have already planned for therapy sessions.

My husband grew up in a household where “sex” was only ever used as a way to determine if the next family pet was going to be a female or a male. I grew up in a household where my parents were a lot more forthcoming with the facts. But we also had farm animals and, as you can imagine, they were good for an education too.

Using that analogy, I would just rather my own children heard it from the horse’s mouth …

It doesn’t take much for any of us to look around and see where so many relationships are going wrong. And while I can’t always explain to my own children why people we know are going through a divorce, or why they argue about issues such as infidelity, what I can do is highlight the realities as to why my relationship with their father is strong. Part of that is explaining that even though we are parents, we are still lovers.

My kids already have a good idea of what the mechanics of traditional sex are all about … the birds and the bees …

What I hope more than just that is through seeing a level of affection and understanding of intimacy, my kids will recognize that a marriage involves way more than sharing a house and bank account. I like to think that we have accepted our responsibility as role models – because that is what we are – and shown them how a relationship contains mutual respect, consideration, compromise and commitment.

I like that my children get to see how my husband and I express love for each other as a couple. In a world where they see so much anger and hate already, they know that at home the emotions are more about love and caring for each other.

My children are now old enough to understand that when Mom and Dad go out on a date, it doesn’t mean grocery shopping.

So, when my children find a little trail of suggestive lingerie in the back seat of the family vehicle, I have no qualms about turning their youthful curiosity into prepubescent disgust with the knowledge that Mom might be a little tired, but she definitely had a good time!

Andee     xoxo

TMI Tuesday | The Inverted Poll

Good morning everyone...I'm recovering from our first long weekend of the summer here; well, the unofficial start of summer anyway. But what summer means around here is getting together with good friends, sharing a few drinks and backyard campfires - and the occasional heated debate over something relatively irrelevant.

When I noticed that this week's TMI Tuesday was focusing on the idea of opinions and polls, I figured I would chime in with some of my own thoughts.

In many polls, you are asked if you strongly agree, somewhat agree, neither agree nor disagree, somewhat disagree or strongly disagree with some proposition. Today, we go the other way. We supply the answer, you supply the question.

1. Tell us something with which you strongly agree, or greatly like.

Communication is the key to a successful marriage. I have used this as the underline in almost everything I have shared on here about how my sexual adventure got off the ground, and developed into some of the most incredible and erotic experiences I could ever imagine. Because I have been able to communicate openly with my partner, I've had a number of great fantasies become realities and discovered that there is some much of what I want that I can have without it having to be a secret. Playing together is so much more fun that the fear of playing and getting caught.

2. Tell us something with which you somewhat agree, or somewhat like.

Flirting with other people can be a healthy element to a relationship. Far too many experts suggest that flirting is a dangerous habit, especially when you are involved in a committed relationship, but what I think is completely opposite. What is more dangerous is the habit of keeping secrets.

3. Tell us something to which you are indifferent, or have no opinion.

Tofu ... although by making a comment, I suppose that would suggest I have an actual opinion on it.

4. Tell us something with which you somewhat dislike or disagree with.

Although I don't live in the United States, I disagree with the growing religious influence in politics. I understand why some Americans find it important to keep a connection between the two - especially with the modern fear of the Islamification of western society - but I also fear that people overlook the fact that there are radicals in all religions, including Christianity. And while these fears are generally about civil rights and preserving a way of life, eventually the influence will grow to clamp down on our sexual rights.

5. Tell us something with which you strongly disagree, or greatly dislike.

That homosexuality is a choice. It's not that I am a particular advocate for homosexuality - in fact, I find it particularly offensive when my city is overtaken for the annual Pride Day celebrations because I think events like this are more about overt activism and politicizing the issue versus advancing people's understanding of other people's lifestyles. That said, when I have to endure conversations with the narrow minded who suggest that people intentionally choose to be gay, I have to roll my eyes and look for someone I can debate the benefit of tofu with.

Bonus: What is an opinion held by others that makes you angry?

That women need a "man" in their lives. As in the comment: "Do you need a man to help you with that?" No, what I need a big ol' crochet hook to shove up his ass to fish out that chauvinist pig attitude.

I have a partner, who happens to be a male, but by no means is he a stereotypical "man." Because he breaks the mold and does not behave like the stereotype society suggests he should, he is a very happy and sexually rewarded husband. The idea that women are the weaker sex and can't do certain things for themselves makes me cringe. And people who continually cling to the idea that we "need a man" just piss me off.

Andee     xoxo

Gone Fishing ... For New Ideas

 

Holiday weekend up here for me, and a well deserved break after a very long stretch at work. Anyway, I am looking forward to sitting in a lawn chair with my vodka coolers and reaching into the deep recesses of my brain. At some point I am also going to be shooting some new pics for my other naughty secret ... and then on the purely innocent side, heading into the city for some dress shopping.

So if anyone has some ideas/questions/always-wanted-to-know kind of things, please drop me a note, leave me a comment, whatever you feel comfy with.

Have an awesome weekend!

Andee     xoxo

Andee | Internationally Renowned Sexpert

The past few days I have been struggling a bit to come up with some blogs that are a bit on the lighter side of life. As I mentioned yesterday, I feel a bit like things were getting very “deep” and analytical on here. And while I know some of you come for that kind of insight, I also know that blogs like mine are supposed to be a little more frilly and not so psychological.

Right? I mean, we flirt, we tease, we kiss … and tell. That’s the fun side of the sexual adventure.

I was spilling my dilemma to a friend as we were chatted, and he patiently listened throughout, inserting the appropriate “hmms” and uh huhs” along the way. Even though I am guilty as anyone else, I really don’t like to do the constant barrage of “visit me,” “message me,” “support me” type of blog entries that I see other women publish, and at the same time I need to be honest that everything I do online is part of one big connected intention. I have tried to offer a subtle connection between the naughty secret side of me – the porn site – and the everyday, join me for a fun time of exploration, adventure and discovery side because I love to share. But there aren’t many websites for flirty married women to just be flirty married women without removing our clothes or hooking up with some divorced firefighter from Fresno.

So anyway, my friend was commenting on how I always seem to focus on advice-type stuff, and that it seemed like I actually had something interesting to say … to which I responded “thank you” … so he asked me, if I could give up my day job, step away from the secrets that occasionally stress me out and could be an internationally known expert in any field, which would it be?

At first it was a bit of an “oh wow” moment. There are lots of things I would like to do in life, experience and discover, but to sit down and consciously think what is something that I could be an expert in – as a career option, guys … naughty, naughty.

With all honesty, if I could be an internationally renowned expert in anything, it would be about helping couples improve and rediscover their sex lives – the excitement, passion and adventure. Now as much as that sounds dirty, it’s not. A little “bragging” perhaps, but one of the things a lot of my friends tell me is that I have managed to do what they haven’t – become comfortable with being a sexual person; being open-minded and willing to be adventurous when it comes to being intimate with a partner.

The real me behind “Andee” has spent a long time finding herself – and I’m certainly not done. I’m not as outwardly courageous as my online personality might mislead you to believe, but I am certainly someone who is constantly growing, challenging and seeking new adventures when it comes to my sexual side. Throughout all of that the one thing that has helped me – almost prompted me to burst out of my shell – is the communication I share with my husband.

In terms of playing the role of an international relationship coach, what I do know is that there are a lot of couples who either never start, or simply just give up, on the commitment to communicating with each other. They think it’s an easy part of the relationship that will just happen naturally, when in fact it is one of the hardest parts of being with someone. Being able to express your thoughts, feelings, desires and dreams with someone else requires a lot of hard work – and trust.

I often hear from my chat friends and some of my Office Guys that they wish their wives were more like me – flirty, sexy, open-minded, obviously sexually comfortable, yada yada. Flattering, but I ask them what is it that they do with their own partner to get them to be more open-minded and willing to try new things. Most times they just say “I can’t talk to her about that” and “Are you kidding, she’d kill me.”

Well, I’m sure my husband probably thought the same thing at one point in time … but we made it a priority to communicate often. And not just in the bedroom. I would have to say the one place my husband and I talk about our love life more than anywhere else is in the car. Oh, and those damn little smartphones with unlimited texting/sexting/electronic flirting have been an amazing addition for our intellectual discussions on sexual fantasies and naughty midday dares. But in the end, the big thing is we find the way to talk and share.

Men need help … women need help. It’s pretty obvious given the high rate of divorce. I would love to be someone that could bring better sex to couples … and not in a dirty way. Just good, clean, sweaty sexual enlightenment! Camera and website is optional.

Andee     xoxo 

Five Reasons To Be Naked

It’s not every week that the TMI Tuesday blog has a theme that appeals to my imagination – which is OK, because I don’t think that every week has to be something along those lines. There are numerous other writers with some great insight, so there is always something intriguing to read, even if I can’t really make it “all about me!”

Plus, as I was going back over some of my blogs the past couple weeks, I realized that I had been edging closer to being pretty darn serious about life and decided it was time to lighten things up again.

So, while others are digging into the depths of their imaginations on the TMI Tuesday topic presented this week, I have decided to dig into something more revealing on a physical level:

Andee’s Five Reasons To Be Naked!

Despite what you may want to believe about my lifestyle, around my house there are not really too many times I am actually naked other than for my daily shower or some bedroom aerobics (and even then I’m not always ‘naked’). With an active family – and a very suburban reality – it’s not a sexual Shangri la. Being naked for other reasons usually involves a bit of planning and some peace of mind that I won’t be sent scrambling for my bathrobe.

1. Feeding My Kitty

No, I really mean feeding the cats. We have two and every morning they are meowing like crazy for their kibble to be filled and water to be freshened up. The fun thing about doing chores like this one is that when I’m home alone on a day off, I can walk around and do all these things naked. Of course, it helps to know that my kitchen window faces the neighbours – and every now and then I know he’s peeking across.

2. Reading My New Naughty Book

I think some of you have probably noticed that I tend to read an awful lot. And not just trashy women’s magazines either. Sometimes I even read trashy romance novels, trashy fantasy novels and trashy erotica … well, actually most of the erotica isn’t that trashy. But I love camping out on my bed when I’m home alone, snuggled in naked with a steamy story. Being naked leaves me with the opportunity to put myself into a very enraptured mood when the literature gets hot. Some books you can’t put down … some books call for a brief battery-operated time-out.

3. Webcam Wickedness

An extremely rare event in my exceptionally busy life these days, but I admit there are some moments when I still find it exhilarating to sit down in front of my computer wearing nothing by my jewellery.

4. Oh So Steamy

I love summer. I love the summer heat and I love to strip down to nothing when the weather gets steamy. I’ve made a bit of a promise to myself that at some point this summer I will muster the midday bravery and work on not getting tan lines.

5. Pump It, Baby

Also not something that I do exceptionally often – but mostly because we have joined a fitness club as a better means of motivation and they kind of frown on naked workouts. Working out in the buff is very freeing. Removing the restriction of clothing and shoes allows me to focus on my technique and balance more consciously. It also works up a good sweat … and workouts get the blood flowing and the body warmed up. You can see where this is going, right?

Andee     xoxo

Sex | Bring On The Buzz

I don't think I have ever made it much of a secret that I am a big advocate for introducing sex toys into the bedroom aerobics routine.I'm not overly shy about sharing as much in my day-to-day life either, because there is nothing wrong with a woman who knows what she wants and how to use the appropriate tools to get the job done.

Where a lot of people - OK ... men - get confused is that they think it is about them; that when a woman turns to her battery-operated boyfriend it is a sign of his inability to put a smile on her face in the sack. The reality is, nothing could be further from the truth. Some women just need a little extra help with putting the buzz back between their legs.

The other day, I overheard a conversation where a friend of mine was sharing with another that she was too shy to visit an adult store that recently relocated, renovated and threw up a big splash on the main drag in our town. Instead, she said, she would send her husband in to have a look.

Now, I'm all for involving husbands in the process of my masturbatory satisfaction, but I was disappointed that I still know women who are too reserved to reward themselves with the big "O."

One of the greatest struggles I had after the arrival of the two greatest gifts in my life (my Little Men) was finding that toe-curling, mind-blowing orgasm without a little help. Now, I would never change the trade-off, what the anatomical alteration meant for me was to become adept with sex toys. It also meant an opportunity to open up my mind and explore a wealth of buzzy, spinny, whirly, pulsating things that make me tingle in all the right spots.

And I learned you don't need to put on a big hat and dark sunglasses to get them.

So Much Hotter Online
With so many choices available on the Internet - one need to only Google them - it can be hard to figure out where the best battery-operated bang for your buck can be found. One of the big concerns I have with my own collection of sex toys is buying a quality addition for the tool chest. There is nothing worse than seeing something on a website, dishing out the cash and finding out that it doesn't measure up to the expectations when put into practical use.

The thing is: when you have a naughty little hobby like mine, you tend to do a lot of online shopping. I've bought outfits, shoes, toys from all over the Internet - and learned a few tough lessons along the way. This is where reputation is important - and a company like EdenFantasys.com that will stand behind its products with a commitment to customer satisfaction...and a woman's orgasm!

As I was thinking this over - and I will be honest, there is some incentive in this for me - one of the biggest reasons for me making the leap and joining the EdenFantasys.com community was because of how sex-positive they are. They're not just about flogging sexy toys (unless flogging is one of your kinks!). They have a whole lifestyle-oriented element to their business; a place where you can connect with other sex-oriented bloggers, learn a thing or two about healthy sex choices and get involved in promoting a more sex-positive environment.
And trust me, there's already more than enough judgment in our lives...we don't need anyone interfering with our orgasmic preferences!

Flirting | A Sign Of Confidence

On Sunday I was surfing around for a few silly bits and pieces to use as my tweets on Monday; because I know how much you guys like my bits and pieces. I had spent the weekend in full motion, celebrating the eighth anniversary of my 30th birthday. I learned this weekend that I shouldn’t use the phrase “getting old” because it is usually met with a long rant from my husband about how I’m not “old.” Regardless, I love his deeply sweet efforts at making me feel special … even more so because I recognize that a lot of women I know don’t get the same treatment from their partners.

It was a great couple of days for me; being the centre of attention and challenged to accept the part with an open mind. It’s generally not my nature to be that way – and I admit there is a hint of guilt for the delicious feeling of being spoiled.

What added to the experience was something that remains a big part of why I’m here; online, writing for you guys, posing for you guys, sharing intimate thoughts and desires openly. My weekend, and the days leading up to my husband’s grand scheme had me soul-searching some of my darkest fantasies – mostly sexual, but some simply lifestyle desires as well.

The intention wasn’t to force me into a moment of fulfilling something; because despite the brazen attitude with which I blog, I need a lot of time to muster the courage to step out of my shell of reality. Instead, we spent a lot of our time in conversation about all the things we fantasize over, the things that count as must-do’s and reconnecting to some of the experiences we have enjoyed in our past but have let slip away in the tornado winds that come with parenting, working and day-to-day life.

During the time we were driving from our romantic dinner on the waterfront to the next destination in our celebration, we had some time to talk about more recent developments in my life, and specifically about my relationship with the man you have come to know as my Office Guy. And through all of that, I found myself explaining a little to my husband about how being able to flirt with him had not only gained me an incredible friend, but also allowed my mind to discover new things about myself and my desires – and my willingness to explore making some fantasies come true.

I don’t make it much of a secret, as I have said in earlier blogs, that flirting is important to me. Not so much because I have any esteem issues, but more so because in my work environment having that male friend – an outlet to spark my imagination – is a very important part of breaking from the depressing reality that surrounds me.

And with so many of those thoughts still fresh in my mind, I started to look around to see if anyone shared my outlook on being a married woman with a “hall pass,” or am I just a bit twisted with the kinky ideas that swirl around in my mind. Along the way, I discovered this advice piece on a website geared towards men, which I think is trying to present lifestyle topics with a hint of sarcasm, humour and light-heartedness.

Or, at least I hope so …

The column I was reading was about “why women flirt” and trying to offer some explanations as to why we behave that way. Overall, it was a fun read because I like to see what it is men believe about us. However, the piece left me with sense of frustration in the end as opposed to enlightenment.

One of the “reasons” they identified as motivation for a woman to flirt – especially if she is involved in a relationship – is her “lack of self-confidence.” The article painted the picture as if a married woman needed to know there was an alternative (or that she was able to find one) in the event of her current relationship breaking down. The author’s take was that women are instinctively needy and on a constant path of seeking new men to reassure them.

I just had to call shenanigans on this one, because in my opinion there is nothing further from the truth.

I’m not going to say that there aren’t some women who have self-confidence issues and a habit of constantly seeking men’s approval. But I tend to believe that those women have deeper emotional issues than just “flirting to win approval from an alternative.”

Just as there are some women who fall from one disastrous relationship to another – or “jump” from bed to bed – these are not the kind of actions that define all of us. Rather, these are actions that raise concern/empathy for a few examples. To suggest that when a woman flirts she is actively seeking an alternative to the man she has in her life is about as generalized as us saying “all men are pigs.”

What I do think is that a lot of married women – me included – see flirting as a way to keep the mind and imagination engaged. When I flirt, it is usually because my self-confidence is actually pretty high. In a way, it’s a case of my bravery being a little more prominent that day and I’m feeling like I can challenge the confines of my comfort zone. It rarely is an invitation to anything other than a mental and intellectual distraction. As such, I’m alright with the idea of my fellow flirter undressing me with his imagination – because that is all he is going to be able to do.

Flirting, when done properly, is rarely about overt sexual invitation. It’s a fine art of placing innuendo into a conversation that could be about anything – baseball, hockey, shopping, weekend plans, etc. It’s a manner of sharing a moment with someone else that fires a little spark, challenges the wit and distracts the mind from the stresses of reality. Some of it is entrenched in sexuality, but the responsibility for seeing that belongs to the other person.

To me, it’s never about being needy, or seeking an alternative partner as a “just in case” plan. In fact, the longer I am married, the more freedom I feel to challenge my imagination and the more at ease I feel within myself for doing so. Maybe that’s because I am still able to flirt with my husband, or maybe that’s because I am able to recognize that flirting doesn’t have to be dangerous, or toxic to a marriage.

Andee     xoxo

Communication | How Social Are We Really

I try very hard to be a social person. It’s not always my biggest comfort zone, but it serves me well to know those around me when I need a favour or shortcut during the day. I don’t need to mention (again!) about how it also led me to starting an incredible journey of sexual discovery and experience.

But there are moments when I get a little concerned over how we have more ways to avoid communicating face to face than we do to interact on a physical level.

I was reading this article online the other day about how social media – specifically Facebook – has changed our way of sharing major life changes to those around us. The article was focused on the issue of updating your FB status when a relationship has come to an end, but touched on other elements of what it has done to our personal TMI filters.

The woman being interviewed commented about how she felt awkward changing her relationship status following a breakup because it invited comments from everyone such as her distant aunt to high school friends she had not seen in years.

It made me think about how much we have grown into a very self-centred society – as we seek electronic validation for “finally dumping the idiot” in our search for “the right guy will come along soon, be patient.” I think what amused me was how there seems to be a whole generation of people who think this is how we relate to each other on an intellectual level.

Heck, even in my own circle of people I actually know, I learned my best friend from high school was pregnant (I won’t mention the not-being-married, not-sure-if-the-divorce-is-final status she should put on Facebook) when she changed her little avatar to the ultrasound image of the fetus.

It was just one of those things that made me think we have accepted that we don’t have any real friends other than the wireless gadget that vibrates in our pocket every time someone IMs or Tweets us.

I see it in my own children, whose friends continually send friend-requests to me – even though I have a reputation of “strict Mom” – because it is more cool in their preteen circuit to have hundreds of online “friends” than it is to head to the park and play a pickup game of soccer or ball hockey with real boys and girls.

As a society, it seems we have become so fixed on our electronic popularity that we will reach out to almost anyone whose name we recognize. (Which reminds me; Johnny Depp, if you are reading this, you haven’t accepted my friend request just yet …)

In a twisted way, I had to laugh when I heard the news that ESPN had fired one of its employees – I think they term they used was “parted company with” – for her deceit in creating a fake following on Twitter in order to seem more “networked” than she was. The woman purchased a followers list from someone else, immediately boosting her own cyber popularity by 1,000 accounts. And I say accounts, because there is no factual evidence to suggest that the package actually included live, breathing organisms.

Followbots continually show up in my Twitter account – and are not hard to identify because they don’t actually “tweet.” They can’t because there is no real person behind the account to offer randomly, amusing sexually suggestive statistics like I tend to share. So, when reviewing who follows me, I can usually determine that if you have a sexy porn star image for an avatar, follow exactly 1,583 others (much like yesterday’s new follower under a different name but the same porn star avatar), have gained 619 followers but have never tweeted a single tweet that you are probably not a living, breathing frustrated bicurious female with a labradoodle and paying way too much in rent.

The Internet – as I believe in all my naïveté – is not meant to be the mechanism through which we solidify relationships with others. It’s a nice toy to occasionally reach out and touch people who we may be geographically distant from, but to notify my mother that I just had a bowel movement by posting on her wall … yeah, not so much.

And social media is already to blame for so much that is anti-social; as a society we are learning how to disconnect ourselves from interacting with those around us in favour of electronic toys that can share our message with cute little emoticons. I guess it is too much trouble to actually smile at someone else.

On top of that, this so-called “social” tool has dulled our ability to sift through what should be private and what should be public. I can imagine the shifting of the planets that would occur if I actually used my personal Facebook account to update my status with my occasionally naughty exploits. Maybe what Facebook needs are some more realistic relationship status options:

• Married with a hall pass
• Decidedly against members of the opposite sex
• Currently engaged … in something exceptionally kinky
• Singularly responsible for someone’s divorce proceedings 

Anyway, since most of you on here don’t get to be “social” with the real mind behind the madness, count yourself lucky. As Brad Paisley sang “I’m so much cooler online.”

Andee     xoxo

TMI Tuesday | May Is Masturbation Month

We all know by now that Woody Allen once used the famous line “Don’t knock masturbation, it’s sex with someone I love.”

This week for TMI Tuesday, I am bringing you to the brink of self-satisfaction with my thoughts on solo sex. That’s right, we’re back to discussing masturbation! However, before you reach for some facial tissue – what an odd name for something when that’s only part of the job it does – you need to know that this is about my habits, not how I do it.

1. How often do you masturbate?

I don’t think this is something I could say “twice a week” to. Like intercourse, it kind of changes with the cycle of my libido. There are some weeks when I am especially horny and find a little solo time daily … or twice daily. And then there are weeks when my favourite little sex toy sits in my night stand collecting dust, anxiously awaiting for the drawer to crack open and be sprung into action with the intensity of a new battery.

But having said that, masturbation is a regular part of my sex life. Being one of those women who needs a little extra help (due to some physical changes after childbirth) achieving orgasm, masturbation is something I am extremely comfortable with. It also helps that I have a partner who has an affection for sex toys and a saint’s level of patience. As my experience grew with the things he would bring home for me, so did my enthusiasm for even more twisted and kinky experiences. You can even watch me test a couple of really big ones in my latest video!

It’s also something that I have become more comfortable with as I … um … got better at it …? I used to view masturbation as a much more private moment than it is these days, but with experience, experimentation and the addition of delightful little gadgets, my comfort level grew to a point where it could be a key part of intimacy in my relationship. My website helped, of course, with the introduction of some pretty steamy videos where you get to watch me pleasure myself.

2. What are you doing to celebrate Masturbation Month?

I can’t honestly say that I knew that there was a month dedicated specifically to the act. Although now that I do know there is a month for it, I will certainly dedicate a round or six in honour of those who have cum before me. I might even go as far as offering a helping hand for masturbation in honour of those who are not able to do it themselves. I’m a giving kind of person that way. Who knows, I might even film a documentary on the subject … or at least turn on the camera for a homemade porn flick for you to enjoy while I masturbate!

I guess you could say it won’t necessarily change my pattern or frequency.

3. Do you like to watch your partner masturbate?

     a. Yes, it turns me on

     b. Sometimes, because it gets my partner very aroused 

     c. Not really, it’s boring

     d. No, it’s a turn off

     e. I’ve never experienced it but I would like to

Without question, I am an a-type personality when it comes to my partner’s masturbating. I would love it if he would let me watch even more often. I think it’s exceptionally sexy to watch someone pleasure themselves, even though it took me a while to be comfortable as the one being watched.

In the early days of my introduction to the naughty side of the Internet, I would secretly login to certain sites when my husband was working and flirt, chat – and watch guys do their thing for me. It was an exciting experience for me to learn that I could get men to share that on webcam – especially since they would frequently be asking for me to do that for them! I don’t know if I can say I miss those days, or if I just miss having the time on my hands that I had back in those days!

4. Do you let your partner watch you masturbate?

     a. Yes, it turns me on to be watched

     b. Sometimes, because it gets my partner very aroused

     c. No, it’s embarrassing

     d. I’ve never experienced it but I’d like to

Hmm, there’s not really a true definition in this for me. I let my husband watch/participate/do it for me very often, because about 80% of the time, I am masturbating myself to orgasm after we have sex. It’s not so much about it turning me on that he is there, but more about continuing the sexual moment to a point where we each have climaxed. Sometimes this is before we have intercourse – because of how incredible it feels to have him in me right after I have cum; while other times it is after we have made love and I am looking to “finish” things off for myself (as I alluded to earlier).

Away from those experiences, there have been times when I have done it for him as a way to get him excited. A hint of foreplay, perhaps. Regardless, any time sex is on the agenda is a good time.

5. Mutual masturbation, yeah or nay?

Oh god, yes! But the biggest challenge in mutual masturbation is trying to refrain from taking it to screwing like rabbits once each of us is all horned up from manual genital manipulation. Where I see this as a more intriguing option is the few occasions I have had with phone sex, and the aforementioned early days of exploring with webcam.

6. If you had an all-expense-paid trip to San Francisco to attend Masturbation-a-Thon 2012, would you go and masturbate? Why or why not?

Unfortunately the only answer to this one is a very wishy-washy “maybe.” The idea is exceptionally erotic, but once those initial thoughts wane, you start to realize that most people who attend events like these aren’t exactly the erotic types you want to share a masturbatory experience with. Jennifer Aniston is not going to sit in a conference room chair across from me and let me watch what she does with her hands between those sexy legs … nor will I get the chance to watch Thor actor Chris Hemsworth handle his hammer!

Reality is, most of the attendees to events like this tend to be either tattooed and pierced sexual/gay activists, or pasty-pale basement dwellers looking for a kink to add to their deviant track record. Like Pride Day, those participating generally don't speak for the majority. It’s the same reality that takes the eroticism out of nude beaches. The people you want to see naked are never the ones that are naked.

I know that sounds rather harsh and judgmental, but let’s be honest, we recognize that it’s close to the truth. I’m not into the act of masturbation for a political – or even a social – statement. For me, it is an experience that is meant to bring sexual satisfaction to me. Selfish, yes. But while I may strike the hypocritic nerve for my position, I just think it’s something that should not be considered an “agenda item” … which is what events like this tend to make it.

BONUS: Are you addicted to masturbating?

No, I wouldn’t say I am addicted to masturbating. What I would say is that if masturbation was an Olympic sport, I would most definitely qualify for the team. Practice makes perfect … and I like to practice as much as I can and as often as the mood strikes.

And now, with all that behind me, I think I might go celebrate!

Andee     xoxo

Flirting | It's Not That Dangerous

It goes without saying that one of my most favourite extra-curricular activities in life is flirting. When you take a look at my tag count here on my blog, you’ll see that well over 100 of my entries, almost one-third, have some connection to flirting … and my sometimes naughtier-than-most behavior.

The thing is: I love to flirt. Despite my own occasional social awkwardness (hey, we all have quirks), I am very much a people person. I love to sit and people watch, and I like getting to know what makes people tick.

My coworkers sometimes ask how I know so many other people in our building, and the answer is simple: I talk to them. If you have to ride in an elevator with the same people day-in day-out, or make deliveries to their departments, you might as well get to know who they are. I’m amazed at how someone can work at the same job for years and never know the name of the person they pass in the hall every day.

And it’s not just about the Office Guys either. I’m an equal-opportunity flirt.

I make it no secret – on here, anyway – that my occasional flirtatious dalliance has led to some really erotic encounters and fantasies being fulfilled! But I am still amused that some people seem believe there has to be an ulterior motive behind the flirting, other than having a bit of fun and social interaction.

You may recall that a while back I blogged about how social psychologists at a Canadian university discovered that different beliefs between men and women about the power of flirting can hurt committed relationships.

I can certainly see where the line can be crossed … I have no doubt that some people will see that is exactly what I have done in my own adventures. However, all of my own personal experiences have involved willing partners. I don’t hide any of it from my husband, and when things progressed to something a lot more intriguing, he was there for the whole show.

But, reading back on what the study had to say remains one of those things that intrigues me: men are oblivious when it comes to the dangers of flirts.

“Men simply do not see the same danger as women when a flirt strikes,” says Prof. John Lydon, lead author of the study.

Lydon, a relationship expert, says in one experiment, a meeting with an “available, attractive alternative” was closely followed by the discovery their partner had done something that irritated them, such as reveal an embarrassing detail to others. The men got angry. The women, however, became more loving and forgiving.

According to Lydon, the women recognized the danger presented by an attractive flirt and worked to shore up the committed relationship they already had. The men didn't have a clue what was going on. Lydon says women are more proactive at saving the relationship, using skills honed over centuries of being warned of the perils of flirtatious men.

“Women are just more likely to have guys coming on to them,” he says, adding that this kicks in a defensive response, “Oh, I've got to watch out for the relationship.”

Once again, I reflect back on my earlier thoughts when I was writing about this. Maybe it is just me, but I find most – if not all – commentary on flirting tends to be negative. There may be the occasional trashy women’s magazine advice column on “How to flirt with that hot guy at the gym …” but outside of focusing specifically on the singles set, flirting is deemed deadly once a ring goes on the finger. Article upon article is dedicated to how interacting on a “sexual level” with others is dangerous, as if every interaction is going to lead to a steamy rendezvous in the supply closet.

We get caught up in the preconceived notions that marriage and commitment mean an end to the sexual excitement of being an individual. Social mores paint women as jezebels if we dare have anything but a June Cleaver conversation with a man other than our husbands. I see it every day in my own life. I choose to sit and chat with my Office Guys because, unlike the women I work with, they have something interesting to say.

But the looks and scandal-laced gossip that flies because I dare to cross the gender divide of the lunch room … lions, tigers and bears, oh my!

How about looking at a more modern perspective of the psychology – that we are no longer defined by the standards suffered by our mothers and grandmothers and have discovered that we are capable of thinking for ourselves when it comes to game of innuendo and batting of the eyelashes.

Naturally social psychologists are intrigued more by the kind of study that examines "risks" versus the "emotional excitement" of flirting with other people because the results hold greater impact. And, just maybe, it may be difficult to identify a group of people who are willing to admit that flirting has become an enhancement to their personal happiness – which translates to a happier relationship at home.

For me, I remain committed to the idea of being a shameless flirt. In a way, as twisted as it may seem, is that the results “validate” me as a woman. We still want to know that we can be attractive to other men, that we can be interesting and intriguing enough to stop and chat with. Just because we have a wedding ring doesn’t necessarily mean that our mind and imagination becomes a closed environment. In fact, marriage should open it up to even more wonderful experiences.

And honestly, feeling completely at ease with being a shameless flirt, I know my marriage is much better off for it ... but mostly because (as you have read many times before) I share my experiences with my husband. It's the secrets that cause the danger!

Andee     xoxo

Sex | Just My Number

Happy Sunday! I had the most awesome night last night, shopping for a new outfit (even the lingerie to go underneath), out for a very romantic dinner at a swanky restaurant on the waterfront followed by a trip down to Niagara Falls to see the super moon over the river and then some fun at the casino.

I am not much of a gambler - when it comes to money games ;-) - so this was a very new experience for me. I've been in Vegas, but we have never gone to the one here. I managed to come out on the winning side with the slot machines, and made sure my hubby got lucky a little bit later too! He put an awful lot of effort into making my birthday a memorable experience - and made it a way for us to really talk about a lot of things we still want from life. I tend to be the kind of person that is rooted in reality a lot, so to actually spend some time being totally open and sharing my fantasies and desires for the next stage of my life was fun. Even though we do share and talk a lot, there are things in our lives that we want and haven't necessarily been open about sharing.

Anyway, since today is a day when I get to do absolutely nothing but sit back and relax while my Men wait on my every whim and request - I figured what better way time to dish on the promise I made last week to you all. You may recall that I talked about how we each have a sex number - the count of our total sexual partners - and that it really didn't matter that much. Some people do get hung up on the frequency of experience versus the quality of experience.

I like to think of myself as someone who has been blessed with the quality of experience ... and so, my quality - which I included oral sex in - ranks at:

Yep, the same number that rhymes with sex! The first half of the sympbolic "69" ... all that jazz.

I met my husband when I was just 16 - yep, I know ... heard it all before. Before him I only had one serious boyfriend that ever got past second base with me.

Which means numbers 3-6 have all occurred after the ring was on my finger ;-)

Andee     xoxo

Anticipation

Not sure I have many deep thoughts today. I'm a bit fixated and curious about how the day - and evening - is going to play out. Tomorrow is my birthday, but it seems that the celebrations. For the past two weeks my husband has left a trail of notes, clues - and even little things he calls "homework" in a build-up to the plans that he has arranged for today.

Anyway, I will be keeping a little running commentary on my Twitter for those that follow. For those that aren't into that, I'll fill you in on here when I can!

Have an awesome weekend!
xoxo

I'll Be Your Private Dancer

One of the more intriguing questions that I received from one of the guys I chat with online touches a little on seduction and a lot on sexy, which is why I thought it was something I really wanted to put a lot of thought into … and maybe a few “pauses” as well!

One of the things that I think I sometimes forget is the idea of seducing my husband just because he is my husband. We tend to have a fairly active sex life, and certainly share an awful lot of what goes on in our minds, but I can also see how some of the things we do has also taken away some of the fun.

For example, my friend asked me “if you were to perform a sensual, seductive striptease for your husband, what two items would you leave on and why?”

And I kind of sat back for a moment and thought: wow … I don’t think I have ever done that. Ever since we launched my website back in July 2002, lingerie, adult costumes and sexy outfits have always been used strictly as photo shoot props. Our sex life without the camera, for the most part, is about getting naked, getting hot and getting busy. The seduction has been set aside for some of the more special occasions, such as when we go out as a couple, or something a little more psychological like sexting.

After 20 years together, you do find things kind of “comfortable” and so some of those small parts to the art of seduction get set aside. I mean, really … at this point, I’m pretty much a sure thing.

So to think on the idea of getting dressed up and performing a seduction dance for him was something I needed to really think about.

The one thing I can easily say in response to the question is my high heels. My husband has a real big thing for high heels; sexy, slutty shoes that are all business. I know that when I slip on a pair of heels – even if the whole idea behind wearing them at that moment is innocent fashion – I will get an awful lot of attention from him. It’s even more exciting when I know if I wear them to work, for example, he will be thinking about me in them all day. That will turn up the heat on his libido, which means some hot and sexy times when I get home at the end of the day.

It doesn’t hurt that the attention I get at work when I wear them suggests that the interest in me in heels is shared.

My husband has been a big contributor to my shoe collection, having purchased numerous pairs for me – for use both in and out of the bedroom. If I’m going to torment him to the best of my sexual and seductive abilities, the shoes stay on.

I think the other item I would leave on might just be something that some of you may go “really?” … my wedding rings. My husband has a real kink for the idea of a married woman behaving like the seductress. It’s why in a lot of the photos on my website, you will clearly see my rings – the intent being you are seeing some even more forbidden than just a naked woman, you are seeing someone’s wife in a very sexual way.

I never thought of it from that angle until we got into my website and I started chatting with guys online. There was something really exciting for them about me being married … a touch taboo, some said. Either way, I learned there is quite an appeal for it.

So, heels and wedding rings … what more could a sexy striptease offer than that?

Andee     xoxo