My Sexual Adventure Exposed

One of the things about having a blog like this, and my website, is that I get to explore all the marvelous sexual ideas that go on in my head. I get to choose whether or not they remain fantasies, become realities or simply hold a rank on my sexual bucket list.

But, for all of the great moments my sexual adventure has brought me, for the most part all of it has happened with a heightened level of secrecy. There's so much that we cannot share with family and friends when it comes to that part of our lives; sometimes because of social mores, other times because of personal fear of being judged. I would like to be more open to the people around me about my experiences ... because it's exciting to have someone other than your spouse to share things with and confide in, but I'm just not there yet.

What’s the weirdest thing that’s happened to YOU as a result of your sex writings (e.g., blog, erotica, Southern Charms)?

This is kind of a tough concept for me. Part of me wants to say that how certain members of my immediate family have reacted to my decisions (even though I am an adult and capable of making them for myself) has been "weird." But in the end, I think this particular angle ranks as more "disappointing" than "weird."

And I'm not sure that I can really focus too much on all the creepy things that have happened since I began this adventure. There have been some creepy emails and bizarre requests, but the delete button has never let me down yet.

I guess the most weird thing - but in a very good way - was admitting to my Office Guy that I did these kind of things online. I have never had anyone, other than my husband and immediate family, know about any of this; the blog, the website, the videos. Especially someone who has been both supportive and surprised.

For obvious reasons, it's not a popular subject when I get together with my family, so having someone who is sincerely intrigued and enlightened is a wonderful experience.

One of the biggest hurdles, naturally, was opening up the level of trust. Any time you present yourself in a position of vulnerability, you have pangs of fear over whether or not the other person can hold your trust. And thankfully, blissfully and erotically, I have my Office Guy's trust ... but I also know how much more he would like to be on the inside of my "inner circle." That allows me to be open with him and seek some less-biased advice. Knowing when I want an honest opinion - because as much as I love my husband and I know he loves me, he just can't always be brutal when I need it - having a fresh set of male eyes to provide advice, insight and ideas is very helpful. I won't touch on how erotic and sexually exciting it is, but trust me on that.

So, it is a little weird knowing that every day when I go to work, and I see my Office Guy, I know he has seen me at what could be one of my most vulnerable situations. I've allowed him to see my website, shared dirty thoughts, allowed him to kiss me, touch me ... and I have pleasured myself frequently to the knowledge I have turned him on.

And I think I am counting on a lot more from this ... but all in good time.

Andee     xoxo

Sex Fantasies | The Top 5 For Women

I have to admit, there are some days when I wonder how much of this talk about my sex fantasies you guys really want to read about. Like everyone else, I flutter between too much information and being far too reserved. And I'm never really sure if you would rather go the route of actual insightful advice, or downright dirty erotic experiences.

For me, this whole thing was designed as an outlet for all those ideas that go on between my ears ... and sometimes between my legs. It's been a way to share on an intimate level with a few people that know, and at times, share thoughts with my partner that I could never openly verbalize.

But, I am hopeful that you are enjoying all it.

On the weekend - which if you followed any of my Twitter updates - I was partly in recovery mode from a little too much indulgence in tequila-mixed margaritas. And while cozily camped out in my comfy not-so-sexy pajamas in the corner of my couch, I had the chance to read a few things from those trashy women's magazines that I love (and hate) so much.

As a woman, it's important to be seen (by those who matter in an intimate sense) as desirable. We want to feel loved, needed - and lusted over. It's a big part of how we define our sexual side. And on the good side for you guys, when we feel all those emotions from you, the rewards tend to be significant and valuable for our relationship together.

I've worked relatively hard at being more open-minded in my personal life, and actually expressing the sexual fantasies that go on inside of me. Some are relatively tame in comparison, while others have become huge bucket list items in my life regardless of how complicated it may be to turn them into reality. So when I read this bit about the top five fantasies women have, I thought it might be a good thing to share.

Here 5 common female sexual fantasies from the Good In Bed blog, and a look at where they come from:

1. Sex with a stranger. In a 2001 study published by The Journal of Sex Research, 80 percent of partnered women said they had fantasized about someone other than their partner during sex in the previous two months. Why? Because, while sex within the context of monogamy can be totally hot, it's hard to replicate the intensity of the initial chase. Fantasizing about someone new is a way of recalling how fantastic it felt to be so obviously pursued.
2. Being dominant in bed. While it may seem counter-intuitive for a woman to want to take charge when what they're really craving is the feeling of being desired, the dominatrix scenario actually revolves around the man worshipping the woman's body, and begging her for attention.
3. Exhibitionism. In this scenario, a woman not only gets to enjoy sex with her partner, but also gets to enjoy the knowledge that someone else (or several someones?) is feeling aroused by watching her in action.
4. Being sexually ravaged. Sometimes known as rape fantasy, this particular desire is not necessarily what you think. How many spicy hot movie scenes have you enjoyed in which the man pushed the woman up against the wall, forcing a kiss upon her? The thought of a man so bursting with desire is an undeniably a turn on for some women.
5. Enjoying a threesome. Being worshipped and adored by two different men - or a man and a woman - can be twice as nice.

"So don't fear your fantasies. Enjoy them. Use them to heat things up in the bedroom. And remember: There is a clear difference between fantasy and reality. And sometimes, a wacky fantasy is just hinting at another, perfectly normal desire within you.

"Too many of us feel guilty about our fantasy life, whether because we dream about someone other than our current partner or because our imagination runs wild with behavior we would never condone in real life.

"The truth is, a healthy fantasy life is one key to a great sex life - and your partner might not always play the leading role. Fantasy isn't the sad daydreaming of the lonely, forlorn or frustrated in love. Research shows that people with active fantasy lives are more sexually satisfied, more sexually responsive and more adventurous about sex in general. Not bad."

Andee     xoxo

Is My Greatest Virtue My Biggest Sin?

Over the weekend, this was a particularly prominent topic in my conversations - probably because of a couple of events that have occurred in my life lately, and another fleeting and slightly clandestine opportunity on Friday afternoon.

And, as I kind of poked around on Sunday, feeling a little green from a few too many sips of my Saturday night margaritas, I read this bit about sharing thoughts on ideas, such as the seven deadly sins, being naughty, and how one of those sins might also be one of my greatest virtues. For example, what bad thing could actually make me more appealing?

For me, and I don't want anyone to hurt themselves trying to figure things out, I would say it would be lust.

• Lust is a big part of what makes me feel alive, and helps me enjoy being a woman in her sexual prime.
• Lust is my personal reward for playing the role of sex object in another person's eyes.
• Lust is fantasizing about one's desire, usually in a sexual way.
• Lust is what challenges the conventions that separate society's idea of the "good girl" versus "bad girl" or "the angel" versus "the slut."

To say lust is a sin is just as baffling as saying window-shopping is a sin, or buying a new car is a sin. To suggest that wanting something in life is sinful is based on someone else's perception of what should be right and should be wrong. To assign religious and social stigma, to me, is equally sinful.

But when it comes down how we relate to each other, and my sheer enjoyment of the male gender, I try hard to be someone that doesn't get too hung up on the relationships between the sexes; which is probably why I am comfortable with lust. But I also think that, as unfair as it is, women are somewhat allowed to express/pursue their lustful desires a bit more than men. Men tend to get painted, equally as unfairly, as pigs and perverts if they dare mention even the slightest thing.

I was reading this particular blog from a site known as the Good Men Project and found that there seems to be a great deal of despair among men at how modern society views their somewhat instinctive feelings when it comes to members of the opposite sex.

The author writes: "Nearly all men (and most women, I’d wager) walk the line between repressing and expressing their physical lust. This isn’t a fundamentalist attitude, it’s common sense. Most men over the age of 15 have long since learned that ogling a woman’s chest is a good way to get smacked upside the head. This has nothing to do with marriage customs and everything to do with social pressures."

I think a great deal of the problem in being someone able to express their lust is how our social mores have removed the individual's choice in perception. Workplace policies and social pressures have been carved in stone to prevent men and women from even being able to do the simplest of things such as paying a member of the opposite sex a compliment.

In the end, lust is nothing more than a simple human emotion of desire and wanting. Sure, it is a primal sexual emotion most of the time, but don't even think that I can't lust after a delicious cheesecake as much as I can a great looking guy. I encourage it ... and I like to know about it. I guess that level of openness with the men in my life is what elevates this to a virtue, because they can rest assured that I'm game for their playful thoughts and desires.

At the end of the day, I won't hold you accountable for your lust, as long as you don't judge me for mine.

The moment I stop desiring and wanting to experience all life has to offer me - particularly in a sexual fashion - then I move from being associated with the ancient notion of committing one of the seven deadly sins to committing one of my own: having a sexual hang-up.

Of course, I'd rather not discuss the one virtue that I struggle with on a greater level: patience ...

Andee     xoxo

All Dressed Up

February turned out to be one of those months where hibernation just wasn't possible. Normally we hide indoors because here in Canada February is typically when the temperature drops to a miserable level and there's just nothing sexy about it.

But this year things have been much different thanks to some bizarre weather. It's actually turned out to be a very socially busy month, with no signs of stopping as we hit the last weekend! Tonight my husband is taking me to an event in the city that we always enjoy - especially because it is strictly about sex. Sexapolooza is a consumer trade show featuring pretty much all things related to getting busy, and a wide variety of kinks. It's usually an expensive night for me ...

Then tomorrow we are attending a party for a friend's birthday - once again, a chance to get out and let loose. So, it was a little timely that an online friend asked me this a while ago ... and now I get to share my answer.

When you go to a party, would you rather show up accidentally under-dressed or overdressed?

I have to say, I would rather be caught overdressed for any event - party or otherwise. And that's a stretch, because I also believe that you can't really be overdressed for anything if you have a sense of style and the confidence to carry it off.

Obviously there will always be those people who will awkwardly point out the obvious: "What are you all dressed up for?" To which I find a good reply is: "After the party, my husband is taking me to meet some well-endowed stud at a ritzy hotel for a night of ..."

You get the idea.

Most social situations will allow for someone who has put forth a bigger effort in their appearance. I'm not about to slip on my sexiest LBD to head out for a night of drinks and conversation at the neighbours, but I would definitely not hit the fundraiser gala scene in my work scrubs and no make-up.

As a woman, dressing up is something deeply attached to our childhood and our innocent fantasies. It's why we played "dress up" as little girls. Now as adults we get to slip on that gorgeous dress and be a "princess" for a night. Not in attitude, just to be the woman that turns heads when she walks into the room.

Plus there is the "adult" side of it too. We get to, maybe, wear those really sexy panties and knock-out heels for a night; whisper into our date's ear about whether or not the panties will stay on until we get home, or if he can hold on to them for us. And don't kid yourself, every woman who has ever slipped on a sexy dress wants to catch a man other than her date checking her out ... for me, that is a huge reward for the night because it touches me both in an self-esteem building way knowing I can still attract a man's attention, and it hits me right between my legs because I also like to know that maybe he is thinking something naughty too.

Of course sometimes where I live, over-dressed is a necessity - such as parkas, mukluks and mittens. But that might just be a stereotype of how cold Canada gets in the winter.

In reality, I'm not the kind of person who gets caught in the idea of being "overdressed" too often. In my real life, I'm actually a very casual person ... much to my husband's frustration. He's the kind of man who has a sense of fashion and wishes I would push the limits a bit every now and then.

Although, it has been working for me at work lately ...

Andee     xoxo

Masturbation | Driving Me To The Edge

I was chatting with a friend about how I occasionally battle blogger's block when trying to come up with something intriguing for you guys to read each week. And so when he posed this question, I thought it was a real coincidence because it wasn't all that long ago that my husband and I were having a bit of tormenting fun in the bedroom when I dished on this idea:

Have you ever masturbated while driving, if so what did you use to stimulate yourself?

The little game my husband and I were playing a little round of "tell me something I don't know." Basically, we rely on the heightened level of emotion and intimacy to share little bits about our sex life that the other person doesn't know ... or isn't supposed to but may suspect. For example, my husband admitted that he could tell when I had masturbated by sneaking the occasional peek into the drawer on my night table where I keep my favourite sex toy. It's a great way to keep the communication going, while having one hell of a steamy romp in the sheets.

It's usually during these moments when I learn an awful lot about the male psyche and their obsession with all things sex. Such is the ultimate power that comes with being talented when it comes to fellatio.

Anyway, as this particular session focused a lot on sharing about masturbation, I admitted when he asked me about the last time I masturbated outside of the house that I have enjoyed a bit of self-loving while driving to work. Given that part of my commute has me on a major highway with a lot of truck traffic, the exhibitionist in me delights in the opportunity to put a smile on some trucker's face.

While I may be enjoying my sexual prime, and the adventure that it has been bringing, I am still very much a safety girl ... sort of. Masturbation behind the wheel for me involves only what I have on hand in the car. In other words, only my fingers (so far). The minor disclaimer is that I, as a passenger, have rocked my O-face with the delightful vibrations of a sex toy.

Of course, the sheer thrill of that exhibitionism also serves to improving my wardrobe: by making wearing skirts even more exciting.

Now I wonder just how many of those big rig guys have a thing for stockings ...

Andee     xoxo

 

TMI Tuesday | Revealing Sex Thoughts

Hey guys, it seems that my Valentine's Day TMI blog went over quite well last week, so it's making an encore appearance. I certainly enjoy having the inspiration that the questions provide ... but struggle with the idea of just having one day a week assigned to sharing too much information!

For the most part, my sex life is an open book on here. My website and this blog have allowed me to share so much of what goes on in my head - and in my bed - that they have become a key part of my sexual adventure. So to narrow it down to just once a week seems almost too much of a tease. Of course, looking back on everything that has happened in the past few years is one of my favourite things to do when I'm curled into the corner of my couch. I hope you enjoy today's thoughts - and feel free to send me any questions you would like me to dish on.

Once again, this week's list of questions comes courtesy of http://tmituesdayblog.wordpress.com/

List ONE word to describe your last sexual encounter.

Phantasmagorical

Can you recall your worst sexual experience? Why was it so awful? Did you do anything at the time to try to make it better?

I'm willing to bet that there are more than just a couple people like me that rank their first time as the worst. All that confusion over the awkwardness of not knowing what to expect, the raging sexual hormones and healthy dose of fear combined makes it hard to truly enjoy the event that will ultimately change who you are. So for me, I'm sure that a big part of what made it awful was that it was my first time. Sexual inexperience didn’t allow me to know what to do to make it better - and the guy I was with at the time didn't exactly help either.

Without question, sex is the kind of experience that improves with practice. And I really love to practice. You become a lot more aware of your body, how to gauge certain physical reactions and use your talents to make it a mind-blowing, orgasmic experience for all parties involved.

Other than that, I do not recommend doggy style for a position in which to lose your virginity…

Do you fuck outside the box?

We all have a laundry list of things – features, demographic characteristics, etc. that we like and/prefer in a sexual partner. Do you ever deviate from that list? For example, would you ever fuck a guy much younger or older than you? Would you fuck a guy who's a different race than you? Give your example.
I’m open to many different things from a sexual perspective, but so much of my sexual habits are still rooted in the standard that is my "box:" personality is the key, followed very closely by hygiene. I've never really defined my sex life by physical criteria - you know, only been with guys that have this hair colour, that body type, etc. But in hindsight, a great deal of my experience may seem somewhat patterned in the kind of men that have been in my life sexually.

Right now, I don't really fuck outside of the box by many standards because of my marital status. My sex life mostly involves just my husband. We have dabbled with adding some intriguing situations, such as exploring my bisexual interests and a bit of fun with other couples, but those are not an every day thing.

On the other hand, I like to think that my sex life is also a bit outside the box, even though it involves only one partner. This whole adventure for me has opened our minds to new fantasies and experiences that might be considered somewhat outside the norm for many married couples.

But looking at some of the descriptors in the explanation of this TMI question, I can certainly say that I am open to many new experiences. I would have no issue sharing a sexual moment with a much older AND younger guy. Additionally, I also fit quite nicely into that somewhat stereotypical fantasy of a white housewife who would devour the opportunity with a substantial BBC.

All in all, life is too short for hang-ups ... there's no passenger seat, so enjoy as much as you can and don't look back too often with that question "What if ..."

Do you blend BDSM in to your relationship? If yes, just in the bedroom or in other areas of your life? Explain.

BDSM is one of those sexual areas that I have only touched on at this point. I’m not sure it is something that excites me a great deal; and certainly not to the extent of turning my basement into a sexual dungeon. My kitchen utensils tend to be just that - used in the kitchen for the purpose they were originally made.

Having said that, there are moments when the feeling of vulnerability can be erotic. I’m not the dominant type, although will certainly dress up in the role for a hot photo session. I tend to like the lighter side of the whole idea: the occasional being tied to the bedposts with my husband's neckties while he teases and torments my body with his hands, tongue and the occasional sex toy. The sensation of being blindfolded during extended foreplay also gets me going; the hint of not knowing what may come next ... but still in complete trust that nothing will cross the lines of my comfort zone.
When things edge towards pain and punishment, it stops being something that turns me on.

But I also recognize that it can be an exceptionally erotic lifestyle for those that enjoy it.

Does the thought of your partner having sex with another person turn you on? Would you want to watch the act? Would you like to join in?

Hmm ... you would probably call "shenanigans" on me if I just said "yes" and left it at that.

I am very open to the idea of my husband having sex with another woman, and it is something I would love to watch. I thoroughly enjoyed watching him go down on my girlfriend and then tasting her on his lips when he kissed me immediately after. Unfortunately, the couple we enjoyed those moments with just weren't the kind of people that really stroked our libido enough to go further than mutual oral pleasure.

And I haven't kept it much of a secret that both he and I share some very naughty thoughts about me experiencing sex with another man - and another woman again. However, those ideas are still very much in the "development" stage right now. I'm sure many people might find those thoughts kind of kinky, and others might find them something not quite right in a marriage. But to actually sit back and watch your partner in that exceptionally intimate act is a real turn on for us. I guess that's a small part of why we got into our website, and a real motivator in doing the videos.

As for joining in ... I think that is pretty much a given. The only question is at what point in the act should I join in!

Bonus: Fill in the blanks.

I like it HOT on the outside and CREAMY in the middle. 

Andee     xoxo

Overcoming Inhibitions

The other day I was having a quiet conversation with a friend who was looking for a little advice on how to let go of some inhibitions they had. It really wasn’t anything to do with the same kind of inhibitions in my own life, but the thoughts behind it are pretty much the same.

Of course, there are many levels of inhibitions and reasons for them. Some are routed very deeply in our self-esteem, while others are strongly implied by the community and society we live in.

Letting go of our inhibitions becomes more of a challenge as we settle into adult life. If you notice, children have very little fear of trying new things - from music lessons to sports to meeting new children. Most kids just push ahead and experience what life has to bring. They’ll say hello to a new kid in the class, join in a game on the playground, or stand up in a school play and sing. Where they tend to get scared is when those experiences are separated by an adult - hence the “do not talk to strangers” reality kids live in today.

In a nutshell, kids don't really seem to be too fixated on what other people think ... which is where adults fall down. As we get older, our psyche becomes wired to understand that there can be consequences to our actions. That becomes the bigger obstacle in overcoming our inhibitions.

Away from the fears that are necessary for survival, and those that prevent us from playing with electricity, we settle into our lives and for the most part exist within our comfort zones. Our social fears find a home in the back of our minds and we plug along in these notions that behaving this way and that way is "right." The times we venture out from that personal sanctuary become fewer and far between.

But how do we step away from that comfort zone as adults? Inhibitions tend to be the blinders we put on ourselves, and not always defined as “big deals.”

This experience for me - the discovery of my sexual side - has not been without a lot of apprehension and self-doubt. From second guessing, to accepting that others will continually judge me, it has been a crazy and sometimes scary journey.

You guys get to see a side of me that is easily shared on a somewhat anonymous level. What you haven’t seen are the moments I stood, staring at myself in the mirror thinking there was no way I could wear this dress or that skirt. You’ve missed the mornings when I have actually given myself a pep talk when I walked into work dressed up a little more than usual, knowing that I was challenging my own comfort zone.

Because, despite the thoughts and adventures I share with you, I am still very much a shy, reserved, normal “girl-next-door.” We all have our level of vulnerability, but part of life is about how we expose that side of ourselves.

As a woman, one of the biggest pressures placed on me is that of the "good girl vs. bad girl" perception. The societal pressures and guilt often forced on us creates a lot of the inhibitions that we have: poor body image, shame over flirting, failure over not being Hollywood starlet thin ... all messages that serve to prevent many of us from experiencing so much of life.

I guess I'm lucky that I found someone who has worked hard to make sure I have a healthy dose of "bad girl" in my personality.

In the past year or so, there have been a few experiences that have set my husband and I on a different path in our relationship. Scary doesn’t exactly cover the emotions at the best of times … but there seems to be a bigger fear in a lot of people’s lives: regret.

When was the last time you asked yourself what you really wanted out of life - not what someone else said you should have, but that one thing in your dreams that you always thought would come true? Have you let go of those ambitions? Have you let someone else become the one who has to give permission before you act?

If you can't answer those questions honestly to yourself, then that may be where you need to start in overcoming your inhibitions.

It's easy to suggest that we should just pursue what we want in life without hesitation, but life isn’t a dress rehearsal … nor it is a spectator sport; pardon my clichés. Some moments are meant to be grabbed, wrestled to the ground and celebrated in victory.

Whether yours are about a sexual adventure like mine, or beating seemingly insurmountable odds, inhibitions can’t define who we are…make the regret be “I wish I had done that … again.”

Andee     xoxo

Valentine's | And A Little Tuesday TMI

I’ll be honest guys, I haven’t really been all that inspired to be sexy, play sexy or act sexy the past couple days. There’s been quite a nasty cold making the rounds in our house, and it has decided to take up residence in me for a while.

The reality behind Valentine's Day is that not everyone buys into the romantic notion of what it means. For the most part, it has become a commercialized event designed to open your wallet more than your heart. And if you don't deliver on the day, you know you are going to hear about it for many years to come. That's a lot to dump on you guys.

Celebrating all that is supposed to be love can't be confined to one day per year. And if that is how you define your romantic intentions, then you might have bigger issues.

Of course, the idea behind a healthy relationship is to have the romance going strong year round. For a lot of guys that seems to be a struggle. It's like men are not allowed to be romantic in this day and age. Those that are, according to what I hear, are subjected to ridicule.

Fortunately I married someone who enjoys investing the effort into the other 364 days. And it pays in dividends for him in many assorted kinky experiences and positions.

And so, with today being a very special (or dreaded in some circles) day, I thought I should share something with you; even more so because I have been pretty consistent in sharing my thoughts on romance, passion and desire. I guess it would be not very Sexy Northern Angelish of me to jump over Valentine’s Day.

In the spirit of blogging, here is one of those TMI Tuesday sessions, with kudos for the questions going to http://tmituesdayblog.wordpress.com

1. Cupid is the god of desire, affection, and erotic love. As the myth goes, a person who is shot by Cupid’s arrow is filled with uncontrollable desire. On your behalf, who would you like Cupid to shoot?

A very good question, but I already have the answer - and I am pretty certain he has already been hit by Cupid's arrow: my husband. I'm lucky to have found someone that isn't just a husband, but my best friend, my lover and my biggest fan. The other men that come in and out of my life along throughout this sexual adventure aren't meant to take that place, but rather offer me some delightful, lustful experiences to enhance what I already have.

2. Earlier in the evening you had dinner at the Fook Yue Chinese Restaurant. You are feeling quite amorous. You open a fortune cookie in the bedroom. Three fortunes appear:

1- “Your patience will be rewarded.”  What would you like that reward to be?

As unromantic as this one is, my patience will be rewarded with me accomplishing a very important work-related goal. The pressure of having something so important and challenging looming over my head for the past three years has sometimes interfered with my romantic and sexual pursuits. It would be lovely to have this behind me, freeing my mind from worry and opening it up to focusing on the excitement and desires that remain contained.

2- “Try something new.”  What is the something new you want to try?

Without question, my "something new" is rooted in experiencing a true MFM threesome. As you have read in many of my blogs, tweets and on my website, this is a key Bucket List item for me.

3- ” ’tis better to give than receive.”  What would you like to give?

A dangerous proposition, to say the least. Keeping it something that you guys should expect to read from me on a day (and blog) like this: I would love to take a private moment to give a certain someone a mind-blowing - read between the lines - experience in his office. However, I also need to play by the rules set out by my husband, so we have to capture it on camera. A nice POV perhaps?

3. If you were to write a special Valentine message (e.g., card, letter, etc.) what is that message?

Despite what thoughts I share on here, the truth is I am a very traditional romantic. My special Valentine's message would focus on the sincerity of what my Valentine and I share together in the life we have made, the deep feelings of love and appreciation we share, and how blessed I feel to have found someone that captures everything within my heart and soul.

4. Are you doing something special for Valentine’s Day or is it just another day?

That remains to be seen. I suspect we will set up our Little Men for a nice dinner downstairs, while my husband and I enjoy something a little more candlelit and intimate. Nothing crazy, nothing over the moon. 

5. You must give chocolate to your secret Valentine for Valentine’s Day. The chocolate is in the shape of your what?

My true Valentine already enjoys everything not chocolate in that sense...but there is someone who I think would really enjoy getting his hands and mouth on my breasts. So maybe, for now, chocolate ones might have to suffice. Well, unless he is the one who gets to mould the chocolate on my naked breasts...and then lick all the extra chocolate off!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Andee     xoxo

Sex | Ways To Get Busy Before You Die

Sweet, by the time quite a few of you get this one, my blog will have passed 100,000 views. I have no idea if that is good, bad or somewhere in between, but I thought it was pretty darn impressive given that this is pretty much my personal diary of my sexual adventure and I didn't expect much.

Anyway, if you're one of 100,000 views (well, that's silly to say), thank you for spending a bit of your time here. I sure hope you have enjoyed my ramblings...

On my morning break the other day I was reading a cute little article about the kinds of sex every woman should have before she settles down. I'd like to say it was enlightening, but it was nothing more than the usual fare: break-up sex, vacation sex, public sex ... yada yada sex.

Gotta love the "expert" advice the bitter and jaded editors of trashy women's magazines tend to source.

As I was sharing some of ideas within the article with one of my coworkers, it came to me that a better idea would be to write something about the kinds of sex you should have before you die ... well, according to Andee, at least. I'm certain there are a lot women out there who still believe Sex In The City was a documentary.

And so I started to tap into my own sexually distracted mind to come up with some concepts on the variety of ways you should get busy before you die. I'll be honest that most of this list is built on sex after you are in a committed relationship, but if you can get it while you're single, more power to you! The idea of getting some of it after marriage just adds to the kink level ...

Voyeur Sex

This could also be called exhibitionist sex, but I'm not talking about doing it in public places were you may or may not be caught by innocent passers-by. Surely you accomplished that in high school, or as a "late bloomer" in your college years and hoped that your roommate was asleep.

Voyeur sex is what my husband and I set for when we first dipped our naked toes into the steamy waters of "swinging." Best described as "watching and being watched," voyeur sex does not involve climbing on someone else's husband for a reverse cowgirl ride to paradise. Instead, it involves doing the reverse cowgirl, doggy, what-have-you, while another couple is only inches away; hopefully enjoying the whole show.
BUCKET LIST: 1 / SOCIAL MORES: 0

Sex-Toy Sex ... with someone there

Lying in bed at home playing with yourself is an awesome to relieve some stress and bring about sexual relief, but the excitement level is enhanced ten-fold when you open up one of your most intimate moments to someone without fondling distance.

Far too many women believe that their sex toys are best left in the night stand for those moments when the hubby is at work or in Bismark on business. When the flames of passion are barely fluttering like a pilot light on the water heater, one of the easiest - and truly erotic - experiences you can share is the orgasmic show of bringing yourself to the height of toe-curling sexual ecstacy. Add to his thrill by implementing a no-touch rule - or try my favourite and have him slide his fingers into you and rub your g-spot as you cum.
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Same-Sex Sex

I will be perfectly honest here - because I know a healthy majority of my readers are guys - I am really talking about girl-on-girl same-sex sex. My own personal fetishes don't revolve around watching two guys in the heat of passion ... well, unless I am firmly sandwiched in the middle of them (more on that below).

I know that a vast majority of men enjoy the idea of two women enjoying each other. And after a few years of quietly being curious about why, I had the opportunity to confirm those curiosities. Deliciously worth the experience.
BUCKET LIST: 1 / SOCIAL MORES: 0

Really Kinky Sex

I'm not talking about using a orgasm-approved sex toy or an ice cube, but something really out of the ordinary. And on the flip side, that doesn't necessarily mean bondage straps and meat hooks either.

Because everyone has a different version of kink (trust me, I've learned that rubber clothing and hoods are considered normal in some circles), the idea here is to push the limits of your own comfort zone towards something exceptionally erotic and exhilerating.

In my sexual experience so far, I have dabbled with a variety of relatively kinky things, from a sex swing and light bondage (kinky to some) through to a foursome and uncovering my bisexuality (kinky to others). But, I think I am going to say that this remains something I am in pursuit of.
BUCKET LIST: 0 / SOCIAL MORES: 1

Threesome Sex

Perched high on my personal bucket list, this is something that is a purely selfish sex act ... and one that should be added to everyone's "must do" list. I'm not fussy if your own fantasy is two hot blondes from the Swedish Bikini Volleyball Team, or your spouse and that friend you think would be game, if you are able to wrap your brain around the idea of being the object of two other people's desire then it is worth exploring.

My personal fantasy involves my husband and another man ravishing my naked body and bringing me to the point of orgasmic exhaustion. But, for the record, it remains a fantasy ... for now.
BUCKET LIST: 0 / SOCIAL MORES: 1

Bonus: Dangerous Sex
Hard to define, because like "kinky," everyone has different perceptions of what is and is not dangerous. And, let's be clear: dangerous does not equal unsafe. Playing with fire is good when dribbling candle wax on your nipples, but putting your health at risk is not what sex should be about.

Truth be told, I'm not even certain of my own territory here. Perhaps something that involves a night of unbridled debauchery at a place like Hedonism?

Anyone have some truly erotic ideas?

Andee     xoxo

 

Fantasies | Do They Mix With Marriage?

I think it's pretty obvious that my psyche of late has become fixated on the idea of sexual fantasies. Actually, more bluntly, fixated on MY sexual fantasies.

And let's be honest, it's not really something that I struggle with. Throughout this whole adventure of mine, fantasies have played a huge role; as has the discovery of new ones and the turning into reality of old ones. I am certainly not balled up in the fetal position in the corner of a darkened room trying to hide from the multitude of sexual images and thoughts that have taken over my imagination.

Far from it. I have embraced the opportunity I seem to have been blessed with in my marriage and regardless of where my fantasies sit in terms of "when" or "if," each of them have proven to be a very healthy component of my relationship at home.

As I have been allowing one particular one to evolve - and it's yet to be seen if it will truly become a whole reality - the conversations (and sex) I have been having with my husband have been nothing short of mind-blowing. To physical sense his reactions as I take him through the events of a moment I shared with another man, and to hear myself describe my body's reaction and the building desire within me at that moment, is an incredibly intimate experience.

And while this sexual heat is burning in our bedroom, I can't help but wonder how it is we have gotten to the stage. I'll be honest, sometimes I wonder if our relationship is meant to be this way. I look around at the couples we have surrounded ourselves with as friends and I don't see the same passion and excitement between them respectively. What seems to stand out most is the obvious lack of affection and physical contact between them.

And I wonder why...

Perhaps it is the expectations of what a "normal" marriage is supposed to be. But if you can't lust over your partner and best friend as much as you love them, then what is the fuel that keeps the fire burning? Or is marriage meant to be a time when that fire burns down to a bed of embers, with only the occasional flare up of spectacular flames?

What I do know is that if marriage is meant to be that way, then I am happy being out of sync with the expectations.

The messages we see around us - in the movies and television we watch, the literature we read - all tends to hint at sexual heat only existing between people in "forbidden" relationships: moments of adulterous passion is some hotel room or on office desks late at night. And never between two people committed to each other. Our society doesn't seem to embrace the idea that a married couple can turn up the temperature to boiling; rather, the message seems to be that a marriage is wrought with off-schedule libidos, the mundane "Well, it is Tuesday" positioning of the sexual relationship along with overall resentment and boredom.

It's almost as if women are not supposed to be sexy once they are married and have children.

While the recent events in my sexual adventure - and my whole-hearted desire to explore my lust with my Office Guy - cranked up the flames in my relationship with my husband, they also served to validate me as a woman. There are times when, as I mentioned in yesterday's blog, that we need to know we are sexual beings as well as wives and mothers. When my Office Guy told me how sexy he thought I was, he stroked my ego far more adeptly than his hands did to my breasts. And not as if that moment was anything short of erotic and wanted.

And that is more of what a fantasy is in my own mind. It's not the feeling of his hands running along the seam of my panties as he held me from behind and kissed my neck - although that was equally incredible. It was the discovery of being desired all over again.

Andee     xoxo

 

Sex | Freedom To Explore

I’m sure many of you that have been following my sexual adventure of late must be thinking my husband is a bit crazy to allow me to enjoy these situations that arise. From flirtatious interludes in the hallway at work, to a deep tongue kiss in his office (more on that at a later date, promise), there have been some very non-traditional aspects of my sex life.

That is not to say any of this has come easily. It takes a huge amount of courage on both sides of my marriage to travel down this path…and it’s not something you can seek advice on or chat with a lot of your friends about. It also takes a big leap of faith in believing that none of it will have repercussions down the road.

But we must try to live for day instead of fearing what may come tomorrow.

I found this interesting article about female sexuality, and the research results of two scientists from the University of Guelph. Mostly it was about women's declining interest in sex over the period of a relationship, but some of the comments really rang true for me...

"When an individual has had sex with their partner over the course of many, many years, it takes creativity and openness to keep things fresh and exciting. Making time to be together and keep one's sex life as an important part of one’s relationship is very important, and putting in effort and keeping things fun and interesting are crucial components," says researcher Sarah Murray.

I couldn't agree more with that. The idea of making time to focus on the sexual side of a relationship is vital...even if it's just a lot of talking and sharing of fantasies, desires and lusts.

I’m not even sure where my personal sexual adventure really began. When we first started with the website thing, as I mentioned a long time ago, it came from a situation where I had lost a bet with my husband and agreed to him posting a few nude pics on a site that specialized in amateur models - where everyday people like me could explore the sexy side of the Internet and a playful level of exhibitionism. A handful of suggestive photos evolved into over 25,000.

As we started down a more intriguing path of discovery, both of us started to realize - and come to terms with - some things in the deep recesses of our minds could be shared without being judged for them. Fantasies, desires, kinks and questions came pouring out over the years and the strangest thing happened…

Our relationship AND friendship grew.

I’m not going to suggest that what has worked for us is going to work for everyone. But what I can see is that there are a lot of couples who live separate lives together, refusing for some reason to let their partner into the deeper, and sometimes darker, corners of their sexual personality.

And what is sad about that, is people are often left to wonder “what if…”

I don’t know if I’m lucky to have the freedom to experiment, or fortunate that my marriage is one built on exploring what life has to offer without too many hang-ups.

Andee     xoxo

Masturbation | Privacy...Or A Good Show

Like so many other times before this one, I was reading an article that prompted me to write something of my own. Well, when you commute like I do, you have a lot of time to ponder these things are form your own opinions.

Now I happen to (proudly) be a habitual masturbator. I've never shied away from admitting that; a woman needs to find a sense of sexual release and since I understand my body best... I know that's hard for some guys to accept (without video evidence), but it's just a natural part of who we are. And I know you guys can totally relate to that concept.

Masturbation, while often assigned a bad rap - in some circles even considered taboo - is an exceptional method of stress relief. Sadly women have been raised to believe that masturbation is dirty and not natural. Personally I find it a great sleep aid, playing with myself to orgasm before I turn out my light at night. (And before you burst a brain cell, my hubby and I seldom go to bed at the same time due to varying shifts and work demands. He is often up well into to the wee hours working.) Masturbation fulfills a personal need that is rarely associated with anything other than me and my imagination.

And don't get me wrong...I will take sex above anything else.

The article I was reading was one of those trashy advice columns, and the young lady writing the letter was mortified to discover that her live-in boyfriend was still seeking pleasure from the "Palmer Twins" despite having access to her personal nirvana.

And the more I read between the lines, the more I came to think that she wasn't as upset about the manual manipulation of Mr. Happy as much as she was ticked about missing a good show.

As someone who has pretty much opened herself up the whole world - or at least anyone that wants to buy one to watch - when it comes to masturbating, I can attest to the excitement it can create when shared with someone. I'm not recommending people go out and make movies - Lord, no. I don't need the competition. But, what can add a whole new level of intimacy is allowing someone you love to share in that exceptionally private moment.

When I was discussing this with my own partner, he mentioned something I hadn't considered: the idea of how getting to watch is also an educational experience as well as sexual. You are able to see how your partner pleasures themselves, the erogenous zones to focus on, the pace, the friction, the tension and, when all comes together, the reward of the "O" face.

I think if more couples allowed themselves the opportunity to explore this new level of intimacy, they may find they have less sexual hang-ups over other intimate acts. By understanding your partner's position on self-love, you are able to get a deeper sense of what makes them tick. And let's not overlook how this can lead to an open door on sexual fantasies and firing up the libido with rocket fuel.

I have to admit, I love watching a guy pleasure himself. I find it exceptionally erotic...I just have to find a way to keep my hands, mouth and body to myself when I get invited to show.

Andee     xoxo

Lighting A Fire ... Or Playing With One

If you follow me on Twitter, you'll recall that last week I was having an incredibly erotic time sexting back and forth with my husband. For one of my "resolutions" this year, I have been trying very hard to ramp up my overall mood and appearance at work by wearing outfits that don’t always make it out of my closet. I am a firm believer in if you look good, you will feel good, but also I need to reminded of that every now and then. The stress of my recent exam and my general work environment had been getting me down and it's human nature to fall into a rut.

As a woman it is very important to know where you stand in terms of your own sex appeal and how that relates to the rules of engagement with members of the opposite sex. And what I mean by that, is knowing whether or not you are one of those women men peg as having "a great personality" or one who is "drool-worthy." And we can't deny those standards exist in our society. Spend a night watching television and count the number of diet aid commercials, or programs designed to help you achieve your "weight loss goals." There is health and there is attraction. Physical attraction plays a huge role in the world around us, from relationships in our bedrooms to success in the boardroom.

We can't deny that.

One of the big reasons behind this whole adventure has been me exploring and experimenting with my own sex appeal, and discovering that I “still have it” despite being with the same man for 20 years. And it goes way beyond the secret life that is my website ... because the Internet, for all it's fun, doesn't bring me that same sense of being desired. My naughty photos are really just what they are: a moment captured in time for an anonymous audience to enjoy.

My current adventures, away from the Internet, are about "validating" me as a woman - and a sexual one. It may seem egotistical; perhaps even vain and self-absorbed - which is something I am so not. So much of this experience has been from the prodding and encouragement of the man I have spent all those years with; which I'm sure must seem rather strange to many.

But, as with any kind of adventure, at some point though, you have to accept the accomplishment (or failure) and move on to something else. It’s the difference between lighting a fire or playing with one. It’s a fine line and often a difficult one to identify - especially when other people are involved and may have their own perspective on the same matter. That's just part of the danger when you invite others into you sexual imagination.

There are lots of days when I wonder where all of this is heading. How close to the flames can you stand before everything reaches the flashpoint?

I'm starting to think that idea is what is fueling this whole adventure; more than just a sense of playful fun these days. Discovery can be one of those things that can come in either an expected way, or with an element of danger and risk. The closer you get to bigger discoveries - or the ones you truly lust for - the hotter the flames. You're only hope is that those flames are the ones of lust and excitement that can be tamed ... and not the ones that will burn out of control and leave permanent scars.

Andee     xoxo