Aural Sex | Pick Up The Phone

I think I am finally recovered from my weekend. Had a bit too much to drink on Saturday, but had an incredible time partying with friends. Every once in a while you need to let loose and be a little crazy … even if you pay the price for days afterward!

I’m not sure why I was thinking of this one; especially since it isn’t something that I particularly do very often … well, almost never …

Phone sex. And I was thinking, what makes good phone sex?

For me, things like that are a bit awkward. Now, I’ve had sex while on the phone, but I’m not really much of an actress, so role playing in person is a challenge. I can slip on the outfit, pose and pretend for the camera, but having to play something up for videos, webcams or phone sex is difficult for me. I still have a fairly healthy streak of naïve small town girl in me - which I’m not ready to hand over just yet.

But that’s not to say I don’t think it’s an intriguing idea.

I guess I tend to be a study in contradictions …

Anyway, I have only ever done the phone sex things a few times, both with my husband and with other guys. When I was dating my husband, and I was at school, we had a long distance relationship. He was working three hours away and seeing each other a lot was difficult as neither of us had a lot of money. There were a few times when we would be talking on the phone and the conversation would migrate towards how horny we were. For us, the phone sex conversation was often about reminiscing over the last time we were together, how good it was to have sex, etc. Never really any kind of role play, just an urgent need to get off.

A couple other times, when he was on the road for work, we would get each other to describe the feelings and sensations as we mutually masturbated. Good relief, as I’m sure both of us would have gone to bed and done the same thing anyway.

Other Guys

And back a few years, at the start of this sexual adventure, I used to spend some of my evenings, when hubby was at work, chatting online. I explored a lot of webcamming and voyeurism. I would chat with guys, flirt madly, tease, flash my tits, occasionally let them watch me pleasure myself and vice versa. Of course, the guys always seemed so willing to let me watch.

The whole thing was very sexually charged, not necessarily cyber sex - because I’m not really that great at typing while having sex either - but lots of conversation about sex. It was different from what I was doing on my website. Many times I would find myself incredibly horny as I opened up my thoughts and fantasies to these guys … and truthfully, I enjoyed the sexual attention and reactions. Sometimes I would sign-off and go and play with my toys, other times - when I was feeling braver and hornier - I would just let them watch (and hope not to get caught!)

As I explored that a bit more, I got to know a couple different guys, became friends … and so the intrigue got the better of me. After you play on camera for a while, you begin to wonder what the next level of fun might be … and so things progressed to dirty talk on webcam and eventually, just for thrill, phone sex.

I’ve thought of phone sex as one of those things that is difficult because I never know what to say to someone that isn’t my husband - and it’s obvious what the intention of the call is about. I’ve tried to see myself as someone that has a bit more to say than “oh yeah” and “that’s right baby.”

And according to a Cosmo survey, 85 per cent of you guys want us to make that carnal call. With that in mind - and my mind does wander into some kinky territory every now and then - I came up with a few tips on how to give good phone.

Aural Sex

1. Describe what you like.

Instead of a conversation built around “oh baby,” describe to your phone lover exactly how you like something played with. It's not about what is happening, it's about painting the picture in my imagination of what could happen if we weren't holding onto the handset. For me, I would tell you that if you want to make me cum with those long fingers of yours, you need to massage this little spot just to the right side of my clit … gently at first, picking up speed. Slide your fingers into me and rub along the area on the front just inside me (you’ll know where) to get me and your fingers all slippery and then back to the spot I just told you about. Use all the senses, feel, taste, hearing me moan, etc. But if use smell, you better be talking about perfume or it may be a short call … just sayin’ …

2. Tell them what you want to do to them - based on what you just learned

I want you to describe how it feels to slide your fingers into me - in great detail. I want to imagine that this is something that we do all the time when we are together. I want to hear the lust and desire in your voice as you take along the path, step by delicious step. The key is detail, and lots of it. Just like the real thing, I don't want a guy who is going to rush right through it.

3. Don’t forget the foreplay

Just like real sex, make sure there’s enough of the foreplay to get the imagination going. This is a great time to cover off all those naughty thoughts about French kissing, pressing me hard against the wall and holding my hands above my head while you slide you hand up under the hem of my skirt and pull aside my panties … I want to hear about that assertive side of you, I want to hear how much you wnt me ... oh, and I’m always wearing panties for phone sex; because I like to hear you describe in great detail how you intend to get them off me.

4. Don’t leave them hanging.

Guaranteed someone is going to reach orgasm. Hell, I damn near did just coming up with this stuff! But we all can relate to that moment, just shortly after a great orgasm where we are totally into our own feelings. We need to keep the connection for phone sex, so it’s a good idea to take that moment of nirvana and help your partner reach theirs. Keep the imagination going wild by sharing exactly how it felt, how intense it was, fuel the fantasy as they get closer and closer.

5. Don’t call me in the morning!

Well, as you know, if you have been a loyal reader, I am a morning sex girl. If you call, I probably won’t answer the phone … because I better be getting it for real! 

Andee     xoxo

Dirty Talk | Singin' Like A Canary

Why is that short weeks always feel the longest? Anyway, I’m thrilled to bits because I'm heading for vacation this week ... and I need some sunshine and the beach ... and more than a few drinks with umbrellas and lots of booze!

I think for my friends south of the border it has been a long weekend … ? Hope y’all had a great one. If you find the time on your hands - or something in your hands - make sure you stop by for visit! I have a sexy new update on my website to keep you amused, and will be back on next Sunday with another Sexy Sunday entry. Who knows, my vacation might produce something really awesome to write about ;-)

Last Wednesday, while I was having quite a bit of fun on Twitter with all of you, I mentioned the idea of talking dirty during some of those more intimate moments, and one of you wanted to know what was the best kind of trouble I got into while talking naughty. I have to admit, that's is the way I learned to truly appreciate anal sex and toy play at the same time.

Anal isn't something I give up too often - much to my hubby's frustration (sorry Honey!). But one night we were having a really good session after playing on the computer for a bit. I was on my hands and knees, thoroughly enjoying the moment ... and we started talking about double penetration. My hubby was was teasing me with his fingers from behind and getting me very into the whole fantasy of having two beautifully hard men taking me.

After tormenting me this way for a few minutes and making me confess that I would love to have two guys in me at the same time, he grabbed one of my toys and some lube and began to tease me again. With my butt sticking up in the air, he lubed up and slid into my behind, and told me to tell him how much I would like to be taken by two guys. I started rubbing my vibrator in the good spots, and then pushed it into me.

I can't describe just how incredible it felt ... but let me tell you ... my fantasy was solidified at that point. I definitely knew that was one of the best ways to explore a little bit of "trouble."

To this day, my hubby will still get me to that point in sex, and then make me tell him some of my naughtiest thoughts.

Hope that brightens your afternoon! I'm off home to play now ;-)

Andee     xoxo

Honesty | Will The Kids Ever Learn

I was looking through some old files on the computer and I found this one from my old blog – which at that time was a bit of a challenge for me. My old friend “maggies” still pops into my life every now and then, and I thought this was one of the better challenges he issued to me back in the day.

The question was if I was open enough to tell my children about my “extra-curricular” hobby. I have to say, that my kids do not know what my hubby and I do when they’re in bed. Not so much because we try to hide it, but more so because they’re really too young to understand the true aspect of it all; and by that I mean the many layers of motivation and psychology, not just the nudity.

I’m a very strong advocate for teaching children healthy ideals about sexuality and relationships. Even in our own immediate family experiences, we have seen some rather nasty divorces, and the children are the ones who are suffered through it. They’ll likely have a very bad outlook on marriage and dating for the rest of the lives because of the way the saw their mom and dad treating each other.

Personally, I grew up in a very conservative home, as did my hubby. Sex wasn’t a regular topic. It isn’t in our house, but we don’t hide from it either. When my children ask a question we answer it honestly … well, I do anyway. My husband either sits there intently, waiting to learn the answer or he sings the theme from the Flintstones.

But my wish for my kids is that they will grow up seeing that Mom and Dad have a healthy loving relationship that includes affection and the ability to work out disagreements without yelling and throwing things.

One of the main reasons why, at this young age of my kids, that I don’t tell them about what we do, isn’t so much for hiding it from them – I just don’t want them standing at the bus stop telling the other kids “My Mommy gets naked while Daddy takes pictures.” A little innocence is a necessity of childhood!

Will I tell my kids? I know I want my kids to have a healthy understanding of a relationship between two consenting adults. I also want them to have a good dose of respect for others, and not to be judgmental of people based on what they chose to do in private. Perhaps when they are old enough to grasp the idea of privacy and respect for what people chose to do, then it may be a topic. But who knows…

When we decided to move beyond the thrill of taking naughty pictures for ourselves, and posting them on a couple “amateur voyeur” sites, I made the decision to tell my parents and members of my family. I didn’t want them to find out from someone and be left trying to stick up for me without knowing the whole story. I didn’t do it looking for permission, or approval. I just did because I didn’t want them to be surprised. I’m glad I did, because a very nosy cousin (actually two very nosy cousins) decided to shock my parents with their discovery. The shock was on them when they learned my parents already knew.

They continue to try to cause trouble for me and my sister, but we look on at their jealousy – jealousy from a couple people who lead such pathetic lives that they need to tear down others in order to make themselves look better – and ponder with amusement how small their own lives must be. I feel sad for them, more than anger, because they must lead really horrible, empty lives and have horrible, loveless marriages to be so focused on what I chose to do with my husband in my own relationship … oh, and they’re probably reading this too, because even after all these years, they just can’t move on …

So, will I tell my children about the Internet? I probably will when they’re old enough to understand, because I’m pretty sure if I don’t someone else will. Unless, of course, I get that photo shoot with Hef! Then everyone will know ;-)

Andee    xoxo

Relationships | Mistakes Men Make

Fortunately the missing kitty turned up. A little muddy and spooked, but no harm done … thankfully, given how heart-broken my youngest was. This is really “his” cat; you know how they say a pet attaches itself to one particular member of the family more than others … well, this is the case here.

So, as my followers on Twitter found out today, it was good day to shake off all that sadness and jump right into some naughty fun again. Not so much about the kid of fun we started a couple weeks ago, but my emotional stability is in question when we keep getting so close to going over the edge of my comfort zone. I went back through some of the notes and comments that you guys have sent and shared with me. With so much talk about relationships breaking down among some pretty famous couples, I thought it might be something intriguing for us normal folk to dig into.

What's the most important thing that men don't understand about women that they should?

The toilet seat must ALWAYS be put back down!

OK, so this is a bit of a tough one, but get your boots on because I’m going to go deep to answer this. Drawing on my own experience, the one most important thing that I can think of is that men should always be considerate of their significant other. Making a woman feel that she is the most important person in your life is a key to a really solid relationship. I have never felt that I came second in my marriage, nor have I felt that I have ever needed to babysit or keep an eye on my husband, fearful that he might “stray.”

It might help that we tend to have a much more open and intriguing lifestyle behind the closed doors of our bedroom, but you don’t have to install hidden sex swing hooks or have a sex toy safe just to build a solid relationship.

Plus, as you have seen of late … we tend to really look at ways to keep the excitement in our relationship. I guess, anyway … some of these crazy concepts leave me wondering, but there’s never a dull day! That said, what these games do – beside create some very sexually-charged moments – is, under the surface, focus on the strength of the trust we share in our marriage. That is partnered with a willingness to be open-minded about the other person, and recognize that we each have our own passions, desires and fantasies.

A lot of men seem to think that women are solely motivated by the material things in life, and that we can be easily bought with gifts in the event of trouble. OK, while that helps, it does little to secure that lasting trust that is necessary in a couple’s life together. I know too many couples where the guy gets to do his own thing all the time and thinks that she should just deal with it, or he tries to buy his way out of the doghouse. I also get offended by women that fall for it.

The answer seems to be just far too obvious: consideration.

Size Her Up

And another mistake that you guys make is assuming we will slip on those sexy knickers anytime you are in the mood.

Here’s a little perspective: as you have seen over the past few months, my husband is almost crazy about showing me off. He gives me the chance to flirt with other people, have sexual ideas, even sees the lust and excitement in how other guys I have never met in person send me lingerie to wear. Sure, he gets the benefits, and I’m ok in saying that without his kinky outlook a lot of this would never happen.

But then when it all goes right, and I know in my heart there is trust between us – my goodness, what a turn on to be able to be myself, to flirt and carry on without having to hide things in fear of his reactions.

And while I can’t say your relationship can follow the same path, here’s a hint - if you are going to buy your significant other clothes to show her off, or get her to dress up, or slip on some sexy red teddy just for you, take the time to go through her drawers and closet to find out what size she wears. Don't guess! It's insulting to get clothing that is way too big; and if it's way too small, we think you really don't understand us and our issues with our bodies.

We are impressed to think that you pay that close attention to our bodies when you get us something that really fits nicely. My husband knows my sizes way better than I do. I can't remember the last time I went shopping for clothes (other than the scrubs that I have to wear on an almost daily basis) without some very specific instructions. My idea of sexy might be something completely different than his, so I say if you want me to look and dress that way - you get to do the shopping! Fortunately, he loves fashion and style ... and knows that despite the games and innuendo, I still have a job to do responsibly.

My husband says some guys need to get over their attitude about going into women's stores: they're full of women (OK, he says hot sales clerks), all picking out dainty little thongs and stuff. And any time the guys on his beer league hockey start in about their wives, he says he just sits there quietly smiling to himself … remembering that miniskirt he made me wear to work or something like it.

Yeah, I won’t complain …

But seriously guys …what happened to all the fun sex questions? This one made my brain hurt.

Andee     xoxo

Some Days It's OK To Be Average

I was thinking about this over the weekend, and I’m not sure why. There’s nothing really attached to it, other than some random thoughts. But I was thinking why just being average most days is OK.

Perhaps on the surface, some of it came about as my husband and I have been struggling emotionally with the trials and tribulations of our oldest child. As he enters puberty, it is becoming more difficult for him to fit in socially; mostly because he is very much an individual. And as a parent it breaks your heart to see these struggles, when you can’t fix it.

The pressures he faces already are daunting - and yet our son (grain of salt here, I am his Mom) is very much a normal boy. He loves sports, his guitar and has a very big heart - but it gets broken constantly as he tries to fit in among all the Justin Beiber wannabes. His downfall is that he wants to have his own style, not model his “uniform” after these fleeting pop stars … and he suffers for it in terms of peer pressure.

© Copyright 2010 Nick Galifianakis

Even at 12, image is everything …

As I was writing my thoughts about the whole miniskirt thing, I started to contemplate about our standard of perfection and our constant pursuit of it. Are we as adults any different from that schoolyard? Our whole culture today is built on the idea of being above someone, something, somewhere. We have a large media influence that dictates what we should wear, how we should save, what we should eat … mostly built around our unhealthy obsession with living our lives like celebrities.

What’s funny, is when I talked about this with my husband, he said that society in general forgets that these people the media holds up as examples are actors … professional cameleons. Off screen they’re flaky as a pie crust, yet we see them as the beacons of who we want to be when we should really be paying attention to those who go out and do great things in our communities and the world around us.

When I mentioned the miniskirt survey to a friend who has also been known to wear one on occasion, she scoffed just like I did, so I know I am not alone in my thinking. And for the record, both of us are a touch beyond the best before date set down by the respondents.

Fashion is not built on what we should wear, but whether or not we have the confidence to pull off the daring when necessary - and the uber-casual when necessary. As a culture, we have fallen into the idea that we must be on our game every waking hour … and many of us get trapped in the cycle of keeping up with the Jones.

I’m sure many of you see it in your lives too: the friends or family that live in a constant state of debt because they had to have the 54-inch TV, because Bill next door got a 52-inch. Frank and Sally vacationed at a 3-star resort in Cuba, so Mike and Anne have to stay at a 5-star.

And on it goes until all the credit cards are maxed out …

Over the past few months, as I have gotten better at writing and sharing my thoughts, I also realize that so much of it is extremely narcissistic. Here I am, droning on about me, me, me … but I am also very rooted in my own world, understanding that this whole thing is designed just that way. I don’t think that any of it has been to express anything greater than the fact that I am just a very normal, everyday kind of person.

Obviously the content is designed to intrigue, entice and sometimes excite. I doubt very much that you guys would enjoy hearing about the mundane moments that occur in my life (more often than all the sexy stuff). And my blog and website create part of the fantasy for you - and me - in which I can explore some of my deepest, darkest, wildest dreams. I suppose it is my way of subconsciously breaking that ideal of perfection - because of the naughty nature.

In pursuit of all my sexual adventures and crazy games that I find myself in, I still firmly hold to the belief that it’s OK to be “the girl next door.” It’s OK to be the housewife with Harlequin Romance-type fantasies that never come true; it’s OK to have curiosities about other women, other partners, many partners and daydream on the commuter train.

And you know what? It’s OK to be average.

Andee     xoxo

Miniskirts | Too Old For Short Hems

Hey guys! Up here it's a holiday Monday, so I finally get a chance to enjoy an extra day off. Sadly, it's a typical day here too, thanks to Mother Nature dishing out a constant flow of rain.

But it's still Miniskirt Monday on my blog! This time, I'm going back to a work conference in Montreal for the photo ... and a little over exposure as you can see. I have no idea if anyone in the office tower across the way could see into my room as I did a midday photo shoot, but I like to imagine that maybe someone may have noticed!

I read this article over the weekend about a British survey where the women polled said that age 35 is the appropriate age for women to stop wearing miniskirts. Puh-leese ...

Does anyone else see this as just another point of how we allow "societal mores" to tell us what is right?

Now, I do agree that there does come a time when, as individuals, we need to police our fashion choices. Look at the '80s. But, if you have the ability to pull it off with confidence, then why do would we need benchmarks to say, "sorry, you're too old?" A great pair of legs is a great pair of legs - whether they are 20 or 50 ... and heck, if grandma's got it going on, why not 60?

Besides, a great pair of legs under a short hemline is good for the economy:

American Economist George Taylor first coined the term "hemline theory" in the 1920s, to illustrate the relationship between hemlines and stock market performance. This latest "corporate twist" on that is, throughout history, there has been a correlation between skirt lengths and the strength of the economy. Hemlines rose in the Roaring 20s with the rising stock prices. The 1930s market crash fashion featured long skirts. And miniskirts flooded the runways during the economic boom in the 80s. History suggests that as skirt lengths rise, so does the stock market ... among other things.!

Oh, and guys who love high heels on a woman ... according to the same survey, 51 is when we need to swap out the stilettos for Naturalizers and stretchy slacks. If I have a body at 51 that I can rock, you can be assured that I will not turn into the Mall Matriarchs and start going to bridge club in my sensible shoes ... hell, no!

I see this kind of attitude as more indication that too much in our world is designed to strip away our confidence by forcing us into these pre-determined roles. Women struggle enough with self-image, we don't need surveys and more societal pressures pushing into our lives.

Andee     xoxo

Flirting | More Friday Fun

Good morning! As you may have been following along, last week my husband issued a bit of a challenge to me after I did a new photo shoot in some stockings that an online friend had sent to me. So I spent last the work day doing something that I do not normally do ... in fact, had never done.

In the end, not sure a big deal, really. But for me a very exciting way to share a few moments will you guys.

Following this up, a few other crazy things have taken place at home because of it ... and you will read more about that later. It's one of those blogs that takes me a bit to write because I have to keep stopping to ... um ... collect my thoughts.

Last night, as I was sitting on my train for another uneventful trip home, that delusional guy of mine apparently had a bit too much time on his hands too. I made the mistake the informing him that my shift rotation had changed for today, giving him that window of opportunity.

And so here we are today ...

Different game ... a bit of a change in the rules:

Three days off = three guys between now and by the time to first glass of wine gets poured tonight need to say something sexual. Doesn't seem to be that difficult right? Except I have to encourage them to say something sexual specifically about me, to my face. And that means playing the flirting game at a new level ...

Not so easy ...

And a little disturbed if I must say.

Andee     xoxo

Relationships | Where Men Go Wrong

I stopped by a friend’s yesterday to pick up a naughty little gift she had waiting for me. The gift was sent from my online friend Matt, whom those of you who enjoyed my stockings and garter-belts antics last week can thank, as he was primarily responsible for them. He has sent a few sexy things my way for my website - and personal pleasure! I was just thinking, and he has been responsible for dozens of delicious orgasms and hours of bedroom fun since last fall.

This time he has sent along a really cool pair of knee high boots. I will have some pics for you guys in a few days.

Anyway, as my friend and I were chatting over a nice cup of tea, the topic turned to what I had been blogging about yesterday, and the idea of looking at other people counting as “cheating” in some people’s minds. She knows all too well about my secret hobby, and shares many of the same thoughts as I do on the subject of sexuality, adventure, experimenting and getting past what other people think, etc.

But, like a couple of tired Moms after a long day at work are liable to do over a cup of tea, we got pretty philosophical with the idea, our own experiences with relationships and the men we know. The subject has been out there in the media the past couple days, but basically we were really into the thought of  “What do you think is the biggest mistake that men tend to make in relationships?”

And it wasn’t so much about the cheating, as you might think … although I will have a blog very soon on that very subject, following a conversation I had with one of my Office Guys recently (cue the foreboding background music). And no, it was not about Arnold …

No Stereotypes Please

One of the things that I think is a big mistake in a relationship - whether they do it consciously or not - is some men tend to put restrictions on their spouse/significant other. In saying that, men will say "I'm not jealous" but little comments will come out, and we are aware and it affects how we will act. Most women are afraid to put on the sexy lingerie because they are well aware they will never look like the stereotypical stripper they overheard their spouses discussing with their buddies (although I would suggest to women to go and see these strippers for themselves. You would be shocked at how painfully normal most of them are).

And I'm not saying "restrictions" but some guys have a way of revealing their expectations. When you are around your friends and talk about another woman and how she looks and her "assets", it makes us feel a little substandard because we know we can't live up to that expectation in our own relationship. It's even worse when you do that and we're around - if you can’t say the same about us.

Let me clarify: I don't have any problem talking about other women with my husband, because we both like to look. But he's also pretty good when it comes to me and my girlfriends talking about other men. Neither of us go "hey honey, wouldn't you like to have his/her (fill in your own blank)."

If he points out an attractive woman and says to me "She's got a great set of legs" or something like that, I'm likely to look and agree or offer my opinion. But if I say, "He's got a nice ass" he doesn't turn and say "what the @#$% you looking for" he says "so what makes a nice ass on a guy?"

Granted, my hubby tends to be a bit more on the open-minded end of things than many of the other men I happen to know.

But there is never any “You could look like that if …”

The reality is we all look. Like my blogger friend H from Hands In My Pants commented yesterday as I blogged about checking out other people, the advertising industry is pretty much built on the idea of sex sells. It may be a fine line, but recognizing that we, as humans, have broader sexual and subconscious desires can be healthy for the relationship. But it also needs to tie back to what I was saying before about making your partner feel like they are the most important person on the planet.

And I know this is the same for women. It's not very fair of us to sit and "ooo" and "aahh" over the guy with the six-pack abs (or that Cute Guy on the train) when we know that the average guy can't spend all day working out and two hours posing for a cover of a magazine. We're all busy people with real lives, and bad eating habits.

So I guess, in my humble opinion, the biggest mistake is drawing comparisons - for both sexes. We must accept each other for what we are. Focus on the positive, not the negative...and do yoga...and eat yogurt :) I would also wish for world peace. Okay...I'm going to go put my sash and tiara away. Have a great Hump Day everyone!!

Andee     xoxo
 

People Watching | It's A Fine Art

Well, here we are in the midst of another week closer to summer! I don’t know about you, but I love seeing how everyone is ditching the winter clothing and starting to dress a little more skimpy. And yes, that applies to guys too. I love this new-look, sleek, form-fitting business dress fashion a lot of the guys are wearing today.

As a shameless people-watcher, this time of year is one of my favourites because it means we emerge from hibernation and ditch the parkas. Then you go the store to buy a new swimsuit for summer vacation and realize the parka was a better choice!

The timing of all this is kind of funny: I was listening to the radio on my way to the train station this morning and the hosts were talking about “cheating.” Ok, one of those Scooby-Doo moments when you cck your ears and go “arroo?”

But what they were really talking about was how the one male host got busted by his wife for looking at another woman in the grocery store. The discussion revolved around whether or not this counted as “cheating.” Of course, I was almost yelling at the radio - because they were suggesting that this is something that, once you are married or in a serious relationship, should stop.

No way!

It made me want to call in an tell them about my little summer flirting contest, last week's office adventure, human sexuality … all of it!

I realize that I may be at a point in this spiralling sexually-charged moment in my life where rational thinking has been replaced with risk and I may not be a credible candidate for what many believe to be typical marital living … regardless, looking at another person is certainly not “cheating.”

There was an article published in one of those trashy magazines talking about how modern humans are basically fighting against how nature has us wired. We are among the few living creatures that have sex for pleasure - and at the same time, there is growing debate as to whether or not our species is truly meant for monogamy. Don’t misread what I am saying - I’m perfectly happy in a monogamous relationship. But, that said, I also know that just because of it that I am no longer allowed to notice other members of my same species.

Can you tell the science geek is coming out …

Sexual Competition
Anyway, from a more personal perspective, I believe we need to keep a relationship sexually charged, and the element of competition is what keeps (some) relationships alive. There is an important part of our libido that relies on knowing we have a sexual attraction to other people. In our genetic make-up, our relationships rely on not reaching a level of complacency … but each of us needs to find that fine line on our own.

My husband and I have discussed this very thing on quite a few occasions. I’d be lying if I didn’t say I’ve had many moments in my relationship when I wonder why he thinks the way he does - seriously, who comes up with some of these schemes: flirting contests, flashing garter-belts to other men, blogging endlessly about my sexual thoughts, all that stuff. But when those moments happen, the excitement, the eroticisim … how my heart beats so hard and fast I think you could see it through my shirt … all of it reminds me that I am alive and living, not just merely existing and taking up space.

The point we need to understand is the motivation for why we look at other people in a sexual interest way … and then explore if these actions create a sense of jealousy in our partners. Intrigue is healthy, control is not - and that is where jealousy leads, to controlling.

I’m also not naïve to think that these days I am all that and more. We all have flaws, and I know mine quite well.

I blogged before about how I struggled with the after-fact of cutting my hair short - which led to some of this year’s naughty moments - because I felt I wasn’t noticed as much. Yes, that is vanity talking, but vanity is also a very important emotion in our society. It’s just to what level do you take it? Some do go overboard (Paris Hilton) but when it is managed correctly, it is what keeps our mood positive, our life happy and our sex dirty.

Andee     xoxo

Sex Online | Things I Won't Do

I get my fair share of requests for certain sexual things and favours because of my website. It kind of comes with the territory of doing amateur porn; and some people may not see the truth behind the messages that I send out.

Some of the models on the overall Southern Charms website do offer more “sexual services” as part of what they do (seriously, it’s no secret - look around). From simple phone sex or webcam services through to escorting, it can be found if you explore thoroughly enough.

I was having a chat with someone online that believed this to be the case of pretty much any amateur model on the site. It was his impression that we are all just lonely, horny women that want to exchange sex for money in the guise of a paid membership. His attitude was that, since I had previously ran Meet Me Auctions - where you could win a chance to meet me, go out on a date and have some fun where it was clear no sex would happen - that I should just make myself available to come to see him for sex. And when the answer to that was satisfactory enough, he asked how much instead just for a blowjob ... I guess no one said there would be any respect in the pursuit of sexual adventures.

Years ago something like this would piss me off … but I have come to accept that some people out there just don’t get it. They think because we are not Playboy centerfolds that we all must be just “whores and hookers.”

But my intention isn’t to get on the soapbox for that … I’ve learned that the Internet has become a marvellous tool for adventure, but also a great mask for the small-minded to hide behind. So with that said, I’m going to point out the things I won’t do online … just sayin’ …

Five Things You Won't See
1. Photos of my weekend exploits - while I would love to invite you along to see some of the great exploits I have had so far, I won't be posting photos anytime soon. First, the rules of my website and model releases would really put a damper on the mood by the time all the paperwork was signed. Not to mention some places just don't allow cameras to be included as sex toys!

2. Things that might be considered offensive - I’ve had guys ask me to do videos of me enjoying some of my toys and say some racially offensive things while I do.

3. Things that might be considered offensive, Part 2 - anything involving animals.

4. Arrange random meetings - In past I have offered my fans/members a way to meet me through a date auction. This had absolutely nothing to do with sex, and the rules clearly state that. Now, I’m not naïve enough to think that there are some out there that are thinking “hypocrite” right now because of my win-a-date contests, but keep in mind, many celebrities do the exact same thing. Do you assume that if you won that date last year with Jessica Alba that she would be sleeping with you after dinner? Am I Jessica Alba? Not even close … but the concept was created as a way to connect with you guys in a controlled and legal way.

5. Webcamming - for me this is a "been-there, done-that" thing. Years ago I would spend a lot of my evenings on a thing called PalTalk, hanging out in chatrooms, flirting, flashing, cyber-sexing, all that good stuff. It was very fun, it was very exhilarating ... and there are some things that went on that even my hubby doesn't know about yet. But these days I don’t have the time, and it doesn’t really hold the same attraction and excitement for me anymore. As my family has grown older and more inquisitive, it has become much harder to be that "cyber" girl I used to be.

So there you go guys ... hopefully that doesn't shatter any beliefs you may have had.

Andee     xoxo

Sex | A Sympathetic Lay

Have you ever been in a situation where you have agreed to something just for the sake of either keeping the peace or making someone else really happy?

I got this question quite a long time ago - when I had a different blog - and the first time I posted this, it made me laugh. It's still something that I have to admit made me laugh out load when I re-read it. The guy who had sent was a long-time chatroom friend and we had a bunch of fun when that was were I spent most of my online life … and so, I’m not sure if the answer has changed much, but I won’t say it couldn’t.

Have you ever thrown someone a sympathy lay? And if so, how can I get one?

No, I've never thrown anyone a sympathy lay, but I sure could use one every now and then myself.

I know I'll get a few volunteers out of that but the truth is my sex life has been pretty limited in terms of the number of partners I've had. By the time I went away to college, I was already engaged to be married … and I've never considered any of the sex I've had with my husband as sympathy. Although, I could say the guy I lost my virginity to was close to needing a sympathy lay...and no, I'm not bitter :-)

Having said all that, the past 10 years has been a wild and exciting ride for me. Does that mean my outlook on sympathy sex has changed? I can’t say it has - but I definitely think my perspective on the number of partners is evolving!

Random Thoughts

And while we are on the subject of sex … can you suggest a better topic? Tomorrow marks 17 years of marriage for me. I know I have dished an awful lot about what goes on in our bedroom and lifestyle, but today I just wanted to touch on a little reason as to why.

I grew up with a very traditional, straight-forward environment. I still think there are some days when I am really naïve about a lot things. My hubby still giggles about the time, when I was working a different job before getting  into my career, a guy asked me if I was up for lunch sometime. I just assumed he meant on a friendly basis … which he did, only his friendly meant with benefits. I was mortified … and slightly embarrassed … when my husband enlightened me on how married guys generally don’t ask out married women on lunch dates.

But silly moments like that are what have brought me to things like considering offering up sympathy lays, dressing up like a slutty schoolgirl for a theme at nightclub, or having our cute 15-year-old female babysitter comment on how short my skirt is for "just dinner" …

If there is one thing that you guys (and girls) can take from this nonsense of mine is that for 17 years we have found the ability to laugh at ourselves … and each other in non-hurtful ways. If you ask me, the secret to a good marriage is lots of laughs. But just be careful about when you laugh during sex … timing is crucial, if not sympathetic!

Have fun this weekend, I know I will in the boots you guys have chosen for me in my little anniversary poll. I promise to post some pics, and join me for my Sexy Sunday update. Who knows, I may have a new adventure to tell you all about!

Andee     xoxo

A Dare | New Garter Belt & Stockings

I got up this morning with good intentions of posting a somewhat thoughtful blog. I had this plan, some images picked and my morning coffee finished off. Then my other half hit … like a devious whirling dervish. It seems he has far too much time on his hands to come up with little ‘dares’ for me.

Sexy Fredericks Of Hollywood Stockings

OK, a bit of back-story to all this.

When I first started the whole online photo experience, it came as a bit of a ‘dare.’ I may have mentioned that in a previous blog, but basically it boiled down to posting some sexy, mostly nude shots of me on a free voyeur-type website. The ‘dare’ was if those first few tame images received some positive comments, then I would agree to post some more risqué ones.

Well, I think you know how that turned out …

So anyway, the other day we had the chance to shoot a new photo update for my website. In the session I was wearing a sexy little garter belt and pair of stockings that my online friend had sent to me. He has sent me a few different gifts, ranging from some great lingerie to this delicious BBC dildo that has fast become a bedroom favourite. These are really sexy … and I commented to my horny photographer how much I loved the stockings. It’s hard to find some that don’t feel like sausage casings if you are bigger than the Size minus-2 stick-figure models used in the catalogue.

As we shot the pics, it’s obvious (now) that my husband’s typical male brain kicked into orgasmic high gear … and I awoke today to a new ‘dare.’ The catch is, in this sexual adventure of ours, that we have agreed on certain things we want to try, certain things we must try, certain things that send the mind into overdrive when we’re having dirty sex, certain things that aren’t realistic – you get the idea. But, since it was a dare that got us here, the one thing we agreed on was when a proper dare was issued it had to be followed. And, while it sounded fun at the time way back when, it turns out I didn’t think it through properly.

So here I sit this morning, thinking this is kind of like that scene in A Christmas Story when Ralphie’s friend sticks his tongue to a frozen flag pole. My husband skipped the double-dog dare – a breach of dare etiquette – and went straight to “the coup de grace of all dares, the sinister triple-dog-dare.”

Not Many Firsts

I can tell you that there are not many “firsts” left in life. Most of those that have not yet happened are perfectly fine not happening, if you ask me. There’s a difference between ‘dares’ and ‘danger.’ No danger today, unless you count the risk of absolute embarrassment in front of my coworkers and a lasting reputation to eclipse the comfort zone of “shameless flirt” that I already occupy.

For the first time in my life … with the exception of my wedding day, when sexy lingerie is pretty much accepted if not required … I am wearing a garter belt and stockings for something other than a photo shoot and sex. And while I know that this may not be so outrageously uncommon, there is a catch in my case: someone during my day – a man – must find out that I am wearing them, either by stolen glimpse or blatant flash. I have until my evening train arrives back at the station and I head for home. I can’t show a girlfriend in the locker room … the gay nurse doesn’t count … nope, some hardened hetrosexual man must see all the way to the top of my stocking, to where the garter is attached.

Good fricken’ lord …

Of course, while there are probably hundreds of women that do this daily (maybe not the revealing part), for someone who lives two distinct lives it becomes a closer meshing of the two. The idea of bringing this kind of lingerie into my daily life is about the psychological thrill ... stepping out of my comfort zone of lab clothes and running shoes, even in such a small way, adds an element of thrill and fun.

Maybe some like the thrill of a roller coaster, and others the thrill of a scary movie ... but anytime you can engage the imagination in whatever way works for you is a good thing.

If you want to keep track of my little antics today, I’ll be posting a running commentary on my Twitter account, as per the rules of the dare.

Wish me luck …

Andee     xoxo

Fitness | These Kegels Are Killing Me

I think I have been getting a bit too deep lately. I was going back and reading some of my blogs for the past couple weeks and went “Wow … next thing you know I’ll be smoking a pipe and quoting some European dude’s philosophical banter.”

 

I guess we all have those moments when the high horse comes in to the corral and needs to be ridden hard.

So there I was going “Geez Andee, what the hell?” when it occurred to me that some of this other, more girly, stuff was killing me. Now don’t run screaming guys, I’m not talking about “that.” But your mind is in the right region. I was thinking these damn kegel exercises are killing me.

For the uninitiated, kegels are when you flex your lower pelvic muscles, hold for a few seconds and release. Pregnant women are told to do them before and after childbirth to help prepare the vagina to shoot out a bowling ball and then recover some muscularity afterward. Women are also encouraged to do them as a way to enhance the sexual experience for their partners – because they help strengthen the pelvic muscles, which in turn will provide you with the most phenomenal feeling when you slip inside me.

A Fitness Plan

I have been trying to get into better shape lately – especially with the reality of a beach vacation looming in just a few weeks. Legs, shoulders and arms are easy to work … pussy muscles not so much. Of course, I wasn’t thinking of those when it initially came to my fitness plan. I didn’t have any real intention of strutting around the public beach with my pc muscles all oiled up and tanned. But then my husband commented on how much he was enjoying a certain act involving the manual stimulation of me while I was playing with my favourite toy. The squeezing of those muscles suddenly became a conscious thought again … and I knew I was onto something!

And while it seems the benefits of spending part of my day flexing my pussy will find its rewards in the bedroom, I wanted to point out to all you sexy guys that kegels can benefit men as well.

Kegels for men involve flexing the same pelvic muscles, kind of like squeezing to stop peeing about halfway through the job. And why on earth would you want to try these things … here’s a couple of Andee’s hot reasons why!

1. Kegels give you stronger erections … you might have 24-inch pythons ripping out of those t-shirt sleeves, but there is not a woman out there who does not love a man with a really strong erection! Lift a barbell with your pipes, meh … lift the same with your rod, yowza!
2. Kegels help you last longer … there are some moments when a quickie is acceptable – the office supply closet on Tuesday afternoon, coatroom at the Christmas party – but we all love a nice prolonged roll in the sack. I’m not talking hours here (can you say friction burn), but something on the Greenwich Mean Time side of “the best two minutes of my life.”
3. Kegels help you last longer … when you have some time to yourself and want to surf my website, with over 24,000 different photos and steamy video clips. Maybe this one hasn’t been scientifically proven, but come on – the thought of you, looking me, doing that with it … kinda hot don’t you think?
4. Kegels can help men achieve multiple orgasms … according to my trusty Wiki sources “strengthening the pelvic floor may allow some men to achieve a form of orgasm without allowing ejaculation, and thereby perhaps reach multiple ‘climaxes’ during sexual activity” … and I would LOVE a man to show me all that!
5. Kegels help fight incontinence … and science is trying to help some out with a solution to incompetence.
6. Kegels will get women talking about you in a good way. I’m happily married, so I’m not exceptionally active in looking for a new man in my life. But I can tell you that my single friends love to go on about a guy’s performance after a hook-up … and a guy who has a steel-hard erection, long-lasting and cums more than once in a night … makes me want to bring one home so hubby can hold the camera while I get my pelvic muscles flexed all night long!

I have no affiliation with these guys, but here’s someone else’s advice on how to achieve rock-hard pc muscles … so you can rock my world!

So at the end of the day, after I have spent the better part of my train ride home squeezing and releasing, a strong set of muscles down there for you and me can only mean a healthy romp when the lights go off at night.

Andee     xoxo

Fantasies | When They Become Reality

When you were young, did you have one of those “must haves” in life, where you saw something – a toy, a bike, a video game – and you just had to have it? You would go to bed every night and fall asleep dreaming about it, trying to figure out exactly how you would come to acquire it. And then when you got what you wanted so badly, you were actually disappointed because it didn’t live up to your expectations?

Is three really company ... or just the beginning?

I compare a lot of fantasies to that idea when people ask about mine. Over the past five months I have spent a lot of time putting together my wildest dreams and sexual fantasies into this blog, so I get the chance to revisit them quite often and keep them fresh in my mind. Fantasies in life – be they sexual or magical – are healthy and important to have. They help keep the imagination alive, the libido high, and actually reduce stress by allowing our minds to drift, shut out reality and unclutter.

But I was having a deep chat the other night with an online friend about chasing fantasies and what happens when I actually get to turn one of my own into reality. I had just finished ready this incredibly erotic novel and I don't mind saying, it fueled a desire to chase a few more myself!

Not Always Perfect
When you have a fantasy, especially a sexual one, it plays out perfectly in your mind. The awkwardness and human complications of the moment never really come to the surface. For example, I know a lot of guys fantasize about sexually enjoying two women at the same time. And while those are some pretty hot dreams, what might really play out in the whole scene is someone will get left out. What happens if that blonde you have been dreaming about feels so incredible that you are left unable to complete the same act with her super-sexy brunette friend? Or what if you suddenly find out that your two friends would rather you just sit back and enjoy the show while the get their own fantasies fulfilled?

Hey, these are things that happen in reality!

The guys I know who have shared this idea with me have an answer ready … but I think you know what I am getting at. Does your fantasy have you rocking these two hot babes all night and your reality have you lasting a little less than that? That is what happens when sexual fantasies become realities … someone is bound to finish a little sooner than someone else. It doesn’t mean it’s the end of the fantasy, it just means a sexual partner with a good imagination will come prepared for more options.

We have pursued one of my big fantasies a couple different times. And for me, while you might say the fantasy has become reality, truth be told it hasn’t entirely made that full transition. There is still very much of my fantasy attached to the ideas that we dabbled with … and maybe some day will work towards again. Or at least, I hope.

When you reach the point of involving other people physically in your sex life, a lot of the preconceived notions need to be done away with, and the moment enjoyed for what it is. Sometimes achieving a sexual fantasy may mean going back to the bedroom a few times to accomplish all those ideas you had in mind to begin with. And, given the heightened sexual excitement of everyone involved – assuming we’re sticking with the multiple partners fantasy for a moment – may mean a bit more give and take than you dreamed of in the first place.

I guess that is one of the reasons why I started with the analogy of “one heel on the highway.” A sexual adventure takes many steps to reach its peak … and you hope that when you get to that point you see that there are many other paths you can take next.

Fantasies for me tend to be that way. You may get to the point where you can put a notch on the bedpost, but if it’s just one notch it looks more like a dent in the wood than a scorecard for your bedroom gymnastics.

Andee     xoxo

Adventure | Where Do You Begin?

I sure hope you guys enjoyed my first entry in my Sexy Sundays series. As promised, I will be bringing some more sexually oriented content to my blog for the summer months, to help heat things up even more. And as you know, summer is a great time to explore some new sexual territory – and we are closer to naked than any other season as we’re wearing less clothing!

A person I know quite well – and has a bit of knowledge about my ‘secret’ life – asked me how someone even begins in something like my adventure.

The easy answer would be that you have to live life. If you’ve read some of what I have put here in the past five months you would see that the biggest thing is to move past what others might think. In my own case, for those people who I have let in to my inner circle I have gotten a sense more of intrigue and slight jealousy over judgment.

The hard answer is that you have to be willing to accept that it all comes with a somewhat darker side. I’m not sure why society will look at someone who breaks laws such as drinking and driving as just a good person who made a bad decision. But the same people will look at a person like myself that enjoys a more sexually charged lifestyle as “deviant In pursuit of my adventure I can’t share openly; I can’t share my fantasies and website - none of which involve anyone getting hurt – but a couple glasses of wine on the weekend and “shouldn’t have driven home” gets me a knowing look of scorn and we all move on.

When you make the conscious choice to let go of the “standards” I blogged about last week, and move towards a more intimate level of exploration with a willing partner, you need to accept that - especially as a woman - anything you do can and will be held against you in the court of public opinion. You quickly learn that, while every man you know says he would love to see you in a short skirt and high heels, they will quickly turn away if you dare to wear them. You learn your female friends will compliment your bravery and comment how they wish their own husbands would be so interested, but they will spread gossip faster than a California forest fire.

Social & Sexual Inhibitions

We all know about the challenge of overcoming these social inhibitions. It’s no different from when we were teenagers and dealing with peer pressure. That same need to fit in, according to what the group at large determines are the requirements for fitting in, is still very much an important social need for us. We move forward with a lot of our actions, habits, likes and dislikes based on what works in order to be included. Sure we may refine our outlook a bit, and move towards people that already share more common interests – but at work, where we spend the majority of our waking days, diversity is bigger … like high school with a paycheque.

And when it comes to sex … well, it’s just a subject that has been hidden for so long that people in our daily lives just don’t know how to let go of their own repression in order to accept our adventures openly.

You see, some adventures will capture the headlines, while others are best left in the shadows.

The real trick is to find the happy medium … and for that I do not yet have an answer.

First Steps

But how do you – how did I – begin an adventure like this?

Lots of talking is required. Here at my blog and my other social media stuff and website, you may get the impression that my whole life is headed in this sort of Sodom and Gomorrah direction, when in truth these bits and pieces are the very condensed parts of my mind and imagination. I’m pretty sure you have no interest in reading about the rest of my life – like emptying the dishwasher, vacuuming, sitting for hours on end verifying formulas and label accuracies.

As our marriage evolved, for whatever lucky reason karma bestowed on us, we chose to be open with our thoughts and dreams. We talked and talked – and watched couples that didn’t talk so much break up.

Then after we talked, we found those fantasies that we shared and wanted to pursue together. No one was forced into trying something that wasn’t for them. We did challenge ourselves a bit, maybe edging each other towards the limits of our comfort zones – and I think that is where most of the adventure now lays ahead. To begin something like this, you take those small – although they may seem huge at the time – steps away from what you are used to. You push yourself out of routine and into something new … and then you build on it from there.

And then you tell yourself how lucky you are to have a soulmate that is also a playmate … and you return the favour for a step or two in their own adventure.

Andee     xoxo

A Day Off Of Blogging

Hey guys! Hope everyone is having an awesome Friday ... today is my birthday, so I don't have much to offer as I was planning on drinking far too much to be witty on my laptop. However, by tonight that might be lap dance!

To keep you fulfilled, I am posting a picture of a bunny with a pancake on its head ...

Andee     xoxo

Standards | Mine or What You Say?

It seems like everyone is finally getting on the train about not apologizing for living their lives in the way they do. You may remember that a couple weeks back I was blogging about how I liked something that Crazy Charlie had said about his epic fall from grace.

I just read this little article in the free local newspaper about rocker Nikki Sixx and his new book that he has coming out. As I was a bit of a Motley Crue fan back in the day, I was interested in what he had to say. Not to mention the attraction of what looked like another celebrity train-wreck exposé!

Turns out the book is a collection of his photography, but using models and people that are on the fringe of society. He says that he prefers to look past the “norm” in the world around him. “I’ve always had an eye for the oddities in life. Even as a kid I saw the world in my own way and thought most things that were different were beautiful and magical. Even things that other people thought were horrifying and disgusting and weird … People say I have a distorted lens. I think I see things as they really are.”

Setting 'Standards'

In explaining the logic behind it he says: “One of the problems of our society is basing who we are on standards set by somebody else.” He went on further to trash things like People magazine’s 100 Most Beautiful by questioning why those standards should be set by someone surfing celebrity photographs.

"Somebody that sits behind a desk comes up with an idea of what is the standard (is what) we deem correct. I've been using People magazine as a barometer with the '100 most beautiful people' issue. I really don't think that it's very good to have that dumped into our teenagers brains and systems – 'You have to be this.' Wouldn't it be interesting to base it on what you've done? Then I would think, 'This is a beautiful list.'”

Of course, Nikki isn’t exactly a candidate for the ‘beautiful’ list by People’s standards – as he admits – but I loved how he trounced the idea that society’s standards are being set by a collection of people not really qualified to tell us how to live our lives.

"What I'm going through … we’re going through … trying to become better people, trying to elevate ourselves, and sort of looking around at the world and going, 'F---, what is happening?' With all this reality TV s--- (and) People magazine, Us magazine, Star. It's like, 'What is happening?' I'm watching kids living in a little box this big all the time, not even communicating. A sexual relationship starts with text messaging. We're missing human contact. And I don't know where it's going."

Can't Open Our Minds

I was blogging yesterday about how our society is reaching a point where the only thing that scares the hell out of people is sex. In my parents and grandparents generations going to war was so horrific that countries implemented the draft. Now we have technology that rivals my kids’ computer games, but the killing is real and the people doing it have the ability to complete the task and eat dinner at home the same night.

We have come to accept this level of conflict, but say the word “condom” and people practically run screaming from the room.

Not that would ever endorse any kind of violence, but I find the transition of how we have moved to accept certain elements in life as happenstance – especially things with much more dire consequences – yet that we can’t open our minds and acceptance to something more natural and healthy, frustrating.

But unlike Charlie Sheen just saying, “don’t apologize,” Nikki is pointing out that there is a problem with how our world exists. From those creating these standards, to those of us who unquestioningly follow along, there is a serious lack of individualism and human contact. We’re all supposed to tow the line and follow along like lemmings. It’s “this is the way it because we say so – don’t ask questions” mentality that is clinging on desperately.

I’m even seeing how difficult it is for my own children to establish their own personalities in a culture where every 12-year-old boy wants to be Justin Bieber and date Selena Gomez (They may not admit it, but they do). I guess we weren’t that different ourselves, as each generation has its pop culture icons. Maybe it is me getting older and bolder; reaching a point where what other people think matters less to me than it once did.

Is this where I start to turn into my parents?

Geez, I’m ranting this week … someone ask me a sex question quick!

Andee     xoxo

 

Sex Scares The Hell Out of Some People

I was reading a blog last week where the writer was talking about how he could discuss just about anything with his 16-year-old daughter, except for one thing – sex.

A for Andee!

He wasn’t saying that they could not talk as father/daughter birds and bees kind of stuff, but that our society has leaned towards a point where pop culture role models spend most weekends in rehab, appear every Tuesday in court to answer for shoplifting charges and “leaders of industry” have been exposed as liars, thieves and cheats.

All of it is out there for discussion, but the one thing that remains hush-hush is one of the most natural acts of our species.

In his blog he was mentioned how it was his daughter that actually brought up the point – curious for a generation that seems to be so much more at ease with the subject than the rest of us. It was she that was expressing frustration with how all the bad things in life have become “accepted and understood” but ideas on healthy relationships, intimacy and that sex is not just for procreation anymore, are see as immoral.

The writer’s question to his readers, and I’m not certain he was being entirely rhetorical, was “Are we becoming more puritanical?”

In my own country, for the most part, we still have a reasonable separation of church and state. Our politicians have not yet reached the stage where religious influence is how the electorate defines them. That’s not to say that there isn’t some of that in there, it’s just not as prevalent as what I see in other countries. I guess you could say that fanaticism has not broached popular thought yet … and yes; every religion has its fanatics.

I think a good part of it has to do with Canada’s mandate of multi-culturalism. And before everyone jumps on me - trust me, the philosophy has many, many flaws and in recent years become a lightning rod of debate and controversy. This somewhat enforced ideology of tolerance waters down the impact when every citizen has the right to their own beliefs; because we let them all in the front door, we don’t see the “Christianity rules the day” attitude in politics. It’s not allowed, and so Canadians tend to argue more about silly things like language rights, health care and hockey.

But in terms of this guy’s question though, I don’t see society as becoming more puritanical as much as I see certain special interest groups trying with increasing desperation to control our morality in a world where access to new ideas is at great heights.

When I was a teenager, there wasn’t an Internet … homemade porn (according to my spouse) was Polaroid snap shots and VHS video cameras. Inside of 20 years (and it hurt to admit that) we can now post photos of ourselves in all our naked glory to millions of viewers in a matter of minutes. Well, that’s the hope for those of us silly enough to try to make a little bit extra in life by being exposed … every housewife who has healthy fantasies and lustful desires can play “centerfold” without having to be Playboy’s vision of the ideal woman.

So, I can’t agree that we are more puritanical; it’s just that we are only now beginning to approach the subject of sex in society from a more experiential point of view. Those of us who have lived in fear of being judged are slowly beginning to come out of the closet a little bit more. We’re pushing the door wider open on tolerance for something natural, as opposed to false wars and mandatory patriotism… and that scares the hell out of some people.

Andee     xoxo